Which type of Cult should I start?

#42
All wrong.
Become the Pikey messiah cult and lead them from our green and pleasant lands. Once they're out , you can return Rich, a dessicated husk from smashing pikey flange thrice daily and a hero in the eyes of the country and the ARRSE COLLECTIVE.

You know you can take one for the team.
To be honest if he takes every Pikey and they all go up in flames, his coming back is negotiable. I'll stand in honour of a ARRSEr fallen in the service of goodness and light. Just as long as they are all confirmed turned into charcoal, no jumping out windows.

 
#43
Like it. Vikings like beer. Your cult members could brew you beer. When you tasted the ale, you could lop the head off the brewer whose beer displeased you. Extra points could be given to brewsters whose figure pleased you the most.
Mead my good man, Mead. Alcoholic honey ffs Bees do most of the work
 
#44
To be honest if he takes every Pikey and they all go up in flames, his coming back is negotiable. I'll stand in honour of a ARRSEr fallen in the service of goodness and light. Just as long as they are all confirmed turned into charcoal, no jumping out windows.

Ahhh Saint Woopert of the Flammenwerfer. His shrine is unmistakable.
 
#45
Ahhh Saint Woopert of the Flammenwerfer. His shrine is unmistakable.
You sick bastard. I just spat tea out laughing at that one.
 
#47
Mega-Church? This secondhand car salesman, conman, estate agent pastor, Joel 0steen, is based down in Houston, his mega-church is a converted basketball stadium. I did once look it up out of interest and he is making, sorry not him, his business his church is making tens of million$ a year.


This is his $10.5 million house



Go for it.

This is how it's done Woopert but make sure you're not caught doing benzedrine and bumming on your nights off though...
Ted Haggard - Wikipedia
 
#50
Set up a church in the dullest place you can find then talk your eager if gullible congregation into funding a spectacular arena scale musical production about the Creation that will tour and change the world! Really go for it seek serious wedge and get some of them to remortgage for the purpose!

Bit like The Producers but with Adam & Eve instead of Hitler.

No maybe not. Nobody would...oh...

Churchgoers lose savings over failed musical
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#52

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#54
Can we name the settlement “Jonestown”?
It has a ring to it and I will bring free Kool Aid!
Calling it Salem would show a better precedence.
 
#55
#56
Mega-Church? This secondhand car salesman, conman, estate agent pastor, Joel 0steen, is based down in Houston, his mega-church is a converted basketball stadium. I did once look it up out of interest and he is making, sorry not him, his business his church is making tens of million$ a year.


This is his $10.5 million house



Go for it.
"Go on TV and tell people that God talks to you, they'll send you money. Go into any lunatic asylum and tell them God talks to you, you won't even be allowed home for your pajamas" Billy Connolly.
 
#57
Glad I could be of assistance occifer
Terry Pratchett (of blessed memory) as ever put it best -

"What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right."

original-20970-1426178394-3.jpg


If you'll excuse me my Thieves Guild permit needs renewal.
 
#58
Terry Pratchett (of blessed memory) as ever put it best -

"What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right."

View attachment 393241

If you'll excuse me my Thieves Guild permit needs renewal.
Marcus Aurelius



“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
 
#59
If they're a virgin at 45 there's got to be a reason.
TBH, round my area, at 16 there's a reason.
Greggs shareholding,pie scoffing, repulsive, smelly, squint eyed, thigh chaffing pigs.
Usually walking onto the road with their mucus smeared nostrils gummed onto Iphones.
 

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