Which type of Cult should I start?

#21
You don't need titles, just Woopert would be good !
It would have to be "woooooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeert" in a zombie like dead eye kind of way like you get from a clapped out lap dancer on the 'Bahn, otherwise it's Hom.
 
#22
OP, just go for anything that secures you the largest amount of 'secondary' wifes.
 
#23
OP, just go for anything that secures you the largest amount of 'secondary' wifes.
doing the mega church thing usually means picking them up off the kerbside though. A lot of effort when it comes to not paying them.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#25
No need to be too fancy. Just come to the more remote parts of the Fens in Cambridgeshire/Suffolk/Norfolk. Brandish a mobile 'phone or bring a car and they will be down one their knees worshipping you. And whilst they are down there...…………………..
 
#26
What about a Viking cult?
 
#30
For a long time I've given serious thought to jacking in the rat race and starting up my own cult. The problem is, I've got a couple of ideas in mind: do I go down the traditional sort of "Effrikan meets Bible Belt mega church, call myself "Apostle Woopert" (you have to admit it has a better ring to it than Pastor) and do the whole financial scandal/shagging a prostitute or two, or do I go down the full blown guns 'n' ammo in a compound with a dozen female followers who are also brain washed sex slaves. You have to admit the former gets you the rich lifestyle but a quick fall from grace and a few years in Pokey, the latter you get blart on tap (and a few mother/daughter combos) but is more likely to end in a firey death at the hands of the Feds. Neither is ideal.

Then I saw this: The L.A.-based shaman and 'spirit hacker' who has wooed Norway's Princess Martha | Daily Mail Online

Fukcin A! Shamen comes back from the dead and marries a Norwegian princess. Now there are always enough gullible Yanks in the world (he's from LA, so he must have got the idea out there somewhere) but I never figured the Scandies could be fertile recruiting ground.

What type of Cult should I set up and run? I need the advice of my fellow ARRSErs
Aliens. Can't go wrong with a mother ship and a barrel of KoolAid.
 
#32
No need to be too fancy. Just come to the more remote parts of the Fens in Cambridgeshire/Suffolk/Norfolk. Brandish a mobile 'phone or bring a car and they will be down one their knees worshipping you. And whilst they are down there...…………………..
A traditional old testament doomsday polygamous cult would probably work in the darkest Fens. There are still some weird bible-bashing relics and believers from19th century religious revivalism waving their hands about out there, plus derelict baptist and methodist chapels awaiting the second coming. Add 3G (nevermind 4G - don't want to peak too soon) and without too much effort Three Holes is the new Waco.
 
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old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#34
Ah going down the old NKVD route eh? Empty case hammered into the back of the neck, nice, touch of class there
I was thinking more in terms of the female members of the cult paying some sort of obeisance.
 
#35
doing the mega church thing usually means picking them up off the kerbside though. A lot of effort when it comes to not paying them.
Mega-Church? This secondhand car salesman, conman, estate agent pastor, Joel 0steen, is based down in Houston, his mega-church is a converted basketball stadium. I did once look it up out of interest and he is making, sorry not him, his business his church is making tens of million$ a year.


This is his $10.5 million house



Go for it.
 
#36
All wrong.
Become the Pikey messiah cult and lead them from our green and pleasant lands. Once they're out , you can return Rich, a dessicated husk from smashing pikey flange thrice daily and a hero in the eyes of the country and the ARRSE COLLECTIVE.

You know you can take one for the team.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#38
A traditional old testament doomsday polygamous cult would probably work in the darkest Fens. There are still some weird bible-bashing relics and believers from19th century religious revivalism waving their hands about out there, plus derelict baptist and methodist chapels awaiting the second coming. Add 3G (nevermind 4G - don't want to peak too soon) and without too much effort Three Holes is the new Waco.
Great.
I shall now take you in all Waco.
 
#40
First, you have to be poor.
Next, you base yourself somewhere that's a cross between a truck stop and a market traders meeting place.
Then get a job working as muscle for a rich widow.
Listen in to travellers tales and remember bits of their mythology so you can rehash it later.
Involve yourself in protection rackets, a bit of armed robbery, piracy, and human trafficking, and a bit of ethnic cleansing.
Go on a solo retreat, ideally in some grotto in the nearby hills, allegedly to get away from the missus for a few days at a time
Come back and tell your mates about your experiences while off your tits on magic mushrooms/qat/hashish or other intoxicant of choice.
Rinse and repeat.
Wait a couple of centuries for some power hungry bloke to ask your mates' descendents what you said, and he'll soon knock up a book of your adventures.
He may even claim it to be from the realms of faerie, making it more attractive to those with only a loose connection to reality.
Make sure it stresses that your gang is nails, and harder than any other gang.
Instant best seller
Sit back and wait for royalties to pour in.

And finally, if it all goes tits up, deny all responsibility.
 

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