Which towns have the most disabled mingers?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, May 9, 2005.

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  1. I had a conversation with a friend of mine at the weekend and we got onto the subject of the fact that Aldershot has so many disabled people.

    The conversation natuarlly progressed in to just how many of them have been screwed by squaddies....

    Does Aldershite contain the most or is there some other hellhole in the arse-end of nowhere that contains more.....and more importantly, what are your stories to support this......
     
  2. After reading some of your posts, you probably count as disabled.

    How many squaddies (or other freaks) have you shagged then?
     
  3. There is a place in Germany called Damp (excuse spelling) on the northern coast, It has a night club called 'The one legged disco'
    No word of a lie i dont think there was anyone in there who didnt have a disability, bar me and a few lads who went in there for a laugh.

    Got absolutly leatherd in there, and had a top night, so much that one of the guys nicked a wheelchair, to wheel me back to the accomodation.
     
  4. The only"females" that frequent Emmas down here in Gospit are disabled, they are fecking pig-ugly and can't string a coherent sentence together.

    Then you should see the market on a Saturday morning, Village of the Damned springs to mind
     
  5. Asda, Longwell Green. Enough said...
     

  6. 1 squaddie, 189 spastics and 1 deaf mute......but still would never lower my standards enough to do someone in the TA :D
     
  7. Harry Tuffin's supermarket in Craven Arms, Shropshire. It's a bad day if you go there and don't see at least five grotesquely fat, chav benefit fraudsters in wheelchairs or on crutches. In addition, there are usually a good few customers with genuine major disabilities or deformities, if you need a good laugh... and super high strength local cider is always, always on special offer.

    All in all, it's got to be my favourite shop.
     
  8. You can't beat some under-class creature with a big goitre for pure, unadulterated, sold-gold grotesqueness I always say!

    Goitre is also a great Scrabble word...
     
  9. I think Whoreminster has it's fair share of mobility challenged young lasses........ as well as loose drawered mingers. Oh and lets not forget about the Colburn estate in Catscrap Garrison, with their hard faced scowls, scraped back hair, big dangly earrings and not forgetting their little angels (born from about 3 different soldiers). I enjoy seeing the poor individuals doing the colburn walk of shame.....it's a long way to the ITC with a hangover
     
  10. For all round window licking ugliness you have to visit WITHAM in Essex. Witham is situated just off the A12 a few miles bfore Colly as you travel from London.

    This pleasant market town has a population of a few thousand, sports a couple of decent pubs, but only has four surnames in its telephone directory. Inbred is not a term of disgust in Witham but the normal way of describing family connections.

    Witham the only place where your mother in law can be your mother, and sister at the same time, where all the schools are 'special' and the number of disabled car parking spaces out number normal by 25 to 1.

    Witham has signs saying please clean up any dribble left on the street, penalty fine £50 if your child/sister/brother/parent shats on the street.

    Erotic entertainment consists of waiting for a female to have an epileptic fit, the locals gather round to see what undewear she is wearing, if any.

    Under age sex is not considered to be illegal, but as a birthday present.
     
  11. Got trapped by a lady with one arm in Sherries tavern in Barnstaple...
    Didn't realise till I got back to her place (Cider you see)

    The stump was floppy and cold

    quiet tasty, sh+t at doggy though!

    toodlepip

    theGimp
     
  12. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    Aldershot is indeed home of the British Mong, and it's the result of a social engineering experiment by the Labour party in the '70s. It was known that British men and US soldiers had sufficiently low standards to sh@g even the most grotesquely malformed English Rose (a case in point: I mean no disrespect to the stoic and long suffering war-time generation, heroes every one in my book – but my god those women were ugly. Did anyone watch the VE programme with the colour footage last night? I applied my naturally cynical mind to the scenes of liberated towns and street celebrations in London and thought: I bet you got some grateful action if you were in uniform then. I then looked closely however and saw that every single woman fell firmly in the “Facially Abused Hound” demographic, none even made it to “Sturdily Built Fishwife” bracket. No wonder Tom fought so bloody hard to get to Berlin, they had Nora Batty’s mongoloid sister waiting for them, legs akimbo and espousing the fool-proof Rhythm Method, when they got back to Blighty).

    Anyway, 1940s and 50s, your average British Joe would happily bang away at Shamoo’s gout ridden grandma while secretly thinking of the 3 nice German farm girls he met during the Hammilkeln drop because, frankly, he was just thankful to be alive. But the 60s came along and the likes of Lulu and Audrey Hepburn made young Bob look to the unwashed banshee laying beside him and wonder: can I do better? Once the 70s, with twiggy, Marianne Faithful and her mars bar, Jane Fonda, Linda Lovelace et al came along, the government knew we had a problem. They authorised MI6 to steal female babies from Holland and Sweden and swap them with ones from over here (which is why you still see 6ft brunette women that look like the lovechild of Giant Haystacks and a startled Stafford Bull Terrier wondering amongst the lovelies of Stockholm, and it’s also why you can still pick up a blonde beauty in Cardiff only for her to take you home to see her ma, who closely resembles a 12 week-old hairy vomit in a Laura Ashley dress. Anyway, sea-dumping of the handicapped had been banned by 72, and the govt had to come up with a way to keep them breeding throughout the 70s (without illiterate and disabled populations in key cities, Labour knew they would have no hope of winning the 2005 election). As they do during all national crises, the govt turned to the army. CGS at the time responded "Not a problem, my guys will fcuk anything”

    Within a fortnight, bedford-loads of mlaaring and misshapen women were proceeding along Queens avenue on the way to Arnhem and Normandy barracks. Top Brass started spreading rumours, primarily amongst Mortar Platoons, that you weren’t a real Para/Cdo/Jock/Green Jacket/Officer (delete as applicable) unless you had done a one-legged Downs Syndrome sufferer bareback while she wore your smock and shouted “Mnairbornh!”

    Within weeks the next generation of aldershot’s finest were germinating - that is why, gents, you should be nice to the stumbling, dribbling masses of the ‘Shot. They’re our lost children
     
  13. A convincing thesis RTFQ, and well explained. I suppose it is possible that the unnaturally high levels of 'tardism to be found in the Welsh Marches (see my post above) can be explained as the result of compulsory redistribution from Aldershot and the surrounding areas, coming up against strict Welsh immigration controls, which excludes English people who can't afford a weekend cottage without a high combustibility index. They basically just dump them there to bleat longingly at the sheep across the border.
     
  14. I had a Farnborough lass in a full leg cast once. She claimed to be a tighthead prop and to have broken her leg in training. She stood five foot nine by approximately the same and smelled of chips. Curiously we hadn't eaten chips.

    Funnily enough for a tight head she was actually very loose...the cast presented no problems to me knobing her, although getting her upstairs to my flat was quite difficult; but that is why command tasks are good development tools!

    PS Maybe we would get a better idea of the type of officer we are going to get if we made the CTs more realistic "Right listen in, this ammunition box full of stones represents a fifteen stone bird you have pulled down on the strip. The rest of the syndicate will play the role of lads from your block who are available to help you get the munter upstairs and can then be deployed as you see fit, in order to achieve your aim which is of course to give her the good news. Any questions...right you have three minutes to formulate your plan. The ropes, half-barrels, plank, German taxi and double rum and cokes must be returned to the mine-taped area on conclusion of the task. Any questions?"
     
  15. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    Exactly CP. Think - from Aldershot, through Warminster, Dover, Brecon, Catterick, Colchester, Bulford, Tidworth etc etc - the british squaddie is positively MADE to do them. It's a deliberate ploy.