Which one are we?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Acid_Tin, Mar 2, 2005.

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  1. As most ARRSE regulars will have divined, there's an ill wind (fanned gently by PTP and Hackle :wink: ) blowing through this fine country of ours. It seems that BLiar and his tribe of sycophants are turning our green and pleasant land into the sort of place that even Dante didn't dream about, let alone travel in.

    My feeble brain is too slow to keep up with PTP's incisive political mind, and I find it easier to equate political activities to bovine ones.

    So, which form of Government are we currently actually labouring under?

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

    DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and conscripts you.

    PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

    REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

    PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

    LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    Sorry, it's been a very VERY long day. Can anyone think of any I've missed? :D
     
  2. SURREALISM!


    But I know which system I would like to be in! :wink:
     
  3. It can only get worse :evil:
     
  4. Nice! :D
     
  5. I don't have any cows.
     
  6. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

    MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

    AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."

    BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows..

    ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

    CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.

    ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

    FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

    TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

    POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

    COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.


    LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
     
  7. Hiding your cows are you...
     
  8. What cows?
     
  9. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows and the Government fines you for the methane gas they produce; this is one of their measures to lower carbon emissions in line with the Kyoto Protocol.


    Note.
    Truth is stranger than fiction: The New Zealand Government actually proposed the above measure last year. It was only by vigourous protest by cow (and sheep farmers) that the 'Fart Tax' was dropped prior to it going before Parliament. 8O 8O
     
  10. Milton Keynesism: You have two cows which you can not milk because they are made of concrete
     
  11. X-Inf

    X-Inf War Hero Book Reviewer

    Calypso,

    The form of government (a term used very loosely) that we are suffering under is one which Bliar thinks will give him most votes in a popularity contenst at any particular time. Therefore, we are under all of them and some not yet mentioned! :cry:
     
  12. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    My God! They want to tax Trumping! We are doomed :oops:

    This is obviously an evil plot by anti-militarists to get at the Army, as in my looooong experience no-one farts as much as a soldier, due to the varied diet of Compo, Herforder, Guinness and Kebabs. It's yet another thing to be proud of :D
     
  13. My party handbook gives the following definition:
    Feudalism: Its your Count that votes.
    No mention of cows.
    Sorry. :(
     
  14. :D :D :D :D