Where does sweetcorn come from?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SuperTrooper, Jun 24, 2005.

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  1. This is an unfortunate but true story. On Wednesday I followed my normal routine of getting up at 0530 hours, putting the plug in the bath and letting it run. I turned my iron on so I could iron my shirt for work. I then curled one down in my bog, wiped my arrse and tried to flush the substantial log away. It took a few flushes to send it home to the land of logs (I think my ballcock needs adjusted). By this time my bath was full of nice hot water so I popped in some lavendar bubble bath and topped the bath up with cold water. Lovely job! In I pop and start lathering myself up with some nice soapy stuff. Thinking 'Fcuk another fcuking groundhog day ahead'! I then soap my rather large flacid member and then work my way around to my hairy ringpiece. The nice soapy minty gel was then directed at my hairy ringpiece. As I did so I wondered why my head was barren of hair whilst my hoop was like the jungles of Brunei. God you evil barsteward! I though I'd give my hoop that extra soaping but during my prodding I felt something which I can only describe as a catterpiller's head poking out of said ringpiece. WTF I though, must have missed a piece of the old brown stuff, so I ease it out using my tried and tested spot squeezing method. This was done by arching my back and lifting my hoop out of the bath. I discovered that the catterpiller's head was, stuck to my right index finger and on closer inspection I saw it was a piece of sweetcorn. Ah says I, that will be from that tuna, onion and sweetcorn pizza I had several days ago. It was still intact but with a nice brown tinge around the edges. My mind started to wonder on how such a fragile thing can survive in my system when I slipped and my right hand collided with my nose. Fcuk me I though, I've only gone and self-skiffed myself with a piece of soiled sweetcorn. Fast forward 4 hours later and I was sure that I'd stepped on a dog log when I got to work!

    Does anyone know why sweetcorn survives, tell me and I'll send you a tuna, onion and sweetcorn pizza from Dominos
  2. Sweetcorn survives because it's chocka (that's a technical sciency word for 'fcuking full') of cellulose, which most people can't digest easily. This is why we cook most vegetables before eating them. Cows (and other ruminants) have 4 stomachs to assist them in breaking down the cellulose - they must constantly regurgitate their food and have another go - this is called 'chewing the cud'.

    I hope this helps.

    I'll have that pizza now... :D
  3. You’re not alone. I can eat a sweetcorn based meal and I still have sweetcorn shiit a week later. I suspect I have a ridge or bend somewhere in my back passage/colon were the sweetcorn has problems passing (or something living down there storing it all up). Apparently, sweetcorn has no nutritional value, so there's no real point in eating it. Apparently.
  4. Gunny - you are partially correct! :D

    Only the outside bit (the husk or 'outside bit') has virtually no nutritional value. The inside bit, however, contains various ratios of amylose and amylopectin, which our bodies need. So 'hurray' for sweetcorn - just remember to chew it well - or you won't digest the husks, get no food value at all, and it will all be passed in your faeces. :D

  5. Faeces. What a curious word. I may inject this tomorrow into a conversation with the sales assistant when I go to PC World, and see his or her's reaction. Faeces.
  6. So basically tomorrow you intend going to PC World and talking sh*te?

    Beebs :?
  7. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    There has only ever been around 1 ton of sweetcorn in the UK.

    At the sewage works they collect all the yellow speckled turds and rinse them in a sieve before re-tinning the sweetcorn and sending it back to Tesco's.
  8. Why do you fùcking know that!?!?! Clerk. :D
  9. Ruminants (cows, sheep etc) use bacteria in their stomachs to ferment the cellulose before it passes into the intestines where they extract the fermentation products which they can digest. Hindgut digesters (humans, carnivores and horses and rabbits etc) try to ferment in the large intestines and caecum (for herbivores - what we have in vestigial form as an appendix) animals with long hindguts like horses extract the products in the colon, animals with short intestines like rabbits are extract it by eating their excrement (copraphages) and the rest (humans, carnivores) excrete it undigested.
  10. Been looking through this thread and i've got to say you don't know sweetcorn until you've been up to your knees in second hand stuff trying to shovele it out of a sewage pumping station wet well.
  11. It happened to me once with a cornflake!

    Er Darth, is that a dent in one of your turds, something you want to share with the rest of us? 8O
  12. [/quote]
    It happened to me once with a cornflake!

    Bet that one took a bit of teasing to get out without breaking it up


    8O Fcuk me I never met so many sweetcorn experts in the army before. Perhaps the next time I pop one out Mooch can remove it with his teeth to save my mud coloured fingernails. Come on Mooch we all know you like to Rim sweetcorn from the crack of arrsers. You can be useful to the world after all and have an excuse for you dull breath

  13. Darth and Bladensburg must be the life of the party.

    They even have similar taste in avatars.

    But this place would be dull without them