Where do farts go?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by tripod, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. Recently I found myself in a very awkward situation. I was being probed by an interview panel for a new job.
    I found myself needing to fart but of course felt that just dropping one at this moment in time was inappropriate to say the least.
    Consequently I held it in for a few minutes and the trump just disappeared......where did it go?....this has had me wondering ever since.
    Guys/Girls, there is a wealth of knowledge out there, surely I am not the only one who has wondered about this phenomenon, maybe someone can shed some answers.
  2. Be under no illusion.

    A trump is a living thing, with a conscience and a sense of humour. They like nothign more to trick you in the most arkward of scenarios. For example when in a 69 when all you want to think about is a face full of snatch and your plums throat deep you can't because the urge to fart and fire butt vapour all over the doris is stopping you. It takes everythign in you to keep the fart inside, rendering you incapable of concentrating on not blowing your beans and appearing like a bloke who never got a nosh before.

    They are aware of their surroundings and adjust pitch and odour accordingly.

    trumps are sneaky, simple as that.
  3. It is absorbed into the walls of your intestines, where it forms a harmless cancerous tumour.
  4. Like MDN says, farts are sneaky little bar stools. They can pop up when you least expect it, mid rut is the most common place, however whilst you're met briefing, whilst you're out briefing or whilst you're transmitting a long RT are other moments that farts will wait for before they appear. At moments like this, they'll rarely actually emerge, they'll just distract enough, just to the point where your face is altered a little bit as you concentrate on keeping in, and then once your train of thought is completely off the rails, it will disappear again. Bar stools, the lot of them.
  5. Sandhurst ... Cranwell ... Dartmouth ...
  6. My little farty bottom
    Every now and then
    Tightens its roundy cheeks
    And keeps the bugger in
    My intestines they do grumble
    And my tummy it does cramp
    But when I let it go
    My shreddies are very damp!

    And smell…a bit.

    S. Norman 13 and a bit

    (With apologies to the ARRSE Laureate)
  7. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    Is this named in honour of that famous hostelry in Aldershot VG?
  8. Joseph Pujol - Le Pétomane

    He may be a cheese eating surrender monkey, but he's still my hero. He turned farting into an acceptable art form. Imagine paying to hear a blerk fart to music. Now that's a good night out. Finish it off with beer and a curry and start the next day with a game of dutch ovens.

    Edited to add:

    Just read this on that wikipedia page:
    When he joined the army he told his fellow soldiers about his special ability, and repeated it for their amusement, sucking up water from a pan into his rectum and then projecting it through his anus up to several yards.
    That explains a few things then...
  9. Spanish_Dave

    Spanish_Dave LE Good Egg (charities)

    When in MDNs car I tend to just let rip, its funny to watch him drive and gag at the same time
  10. Depends who he's gagging, and what with, I would have thought.