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Where can my lad get really beasted?

It might have something to do with your propensity for the use of exclamation marks.

If you are always on permanent send on the drama radio he might be feeling that he has to act out in order to get noticed.


God forbid he doesn't feel the need to abuse the generally accepted constricts of punctuation!!!


OP, you haven't done anything wrong.

You'll work it out. Next week, next month, next year. But you'll work it out.

I lived in fear about being murdered by my father. And to be fair, I did come within inches of dying on the odd occasion.

'Tis but a scratch!

Hold them close. You're the boss!
 
By doing that, you are engaging him and giving him the opportunity to get the attention he wants. Don't engage on his terms. Simple as that.

Go buy yourself a boat or a motorbike or take up a hobby. Put your efforts into that, and not fighting him. Right now, he want you to be a cnut to him so he can say "look what I've had to put up with, and here's how I faced the båstard down". DOn't give him that opportunity.

In your shoes (and I've been in them, believe me), I would simply not engage. Let him stay at his mates, let him do what he thinks he needs to do to get through this spurt of ball-hair growth or whatever it is. Above all, don't say, or do, anything which will be hard to reverse later. Just keep the high road and it will be OK.
@deanol , I'm not a dad but I think @Northern_Biff and @Roadster280 have a point here. Think about the kids that hold their breath until they turn blue to try and force their parents to react. There are many ways of rebellion. Competition or some kind of friendly challenge would be better. Ultimately it's his choice to make mistakes. Painful as it may be. In the 90's we learned of Richard Feynman. Now we have Jordan Peterson. I'm thinking if you try getting your son to read or listen to Peterson he may do the opposite. If you happened to be watching or reading some of his relevant material, your enthusiasm might get a negative reaction. If you appeared to pooh pooh the material, there is a possibility he just might pick up on that and watch and / or read the material try to learn more to show you up.

@Northern_Biff and @Roadster280 - any thoughts on that?
 
@deanol , I'm not a dad but I think @Northern_Biff and @Roadster280 have a point here. Think about the kids that hold their breath until they turn blue to try and force their parents to react. There are many ways of rebellion. Competition or some kind of friendly challenge would be better. Ultimately it's his choice to make mistakes. Painful as it may be. In the 90's we learned of Richard Feynman. Now we have Jordan Peterson. I'm thinking if you try getting your son to read or listen to Peterson he may do the opposite. If you happened to be watching or reading some of his relevant material, your enthusiasm might get a negative reaction. If you appeared to pooh pooh the material, there is a possibility he just might pick up on that and watch and / or read the material try to learn more to show you up.

@Northern_Biff and @Roadster280 - any thoughts on that?

I'm old school. Jordan Peterson (PBUH) has nothing to do with this. It's a straightforward kid-with-new-hairs-on-balls vs Dad thing. Henry VIII and Julius Caesar will have had to deal with the same shit.

Keep the high road, set expectations and that's it. Shit, we've all been in the Army, right? Same gig with NIGs. Either as a NIG oneself, or as an NCO dealing with them.

It's not pleasant going through it, but the outcome can be - depending on how much damage is done going through the process.
 
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There is no other solution. He makes his claim and I get to defend myself. That is what he thinks he wants. Or rather that is what he wants to tell his mates!

I fully intend to call his bluff.
I'd avoid that route. No smoke without fire and all that. Might be costly too. And it may backfire given the police and cps constant 'cock ups' in handling defence evidence.
 
But there are a number of things going on here I believe...

1) and most importantly, he thinks he can live at his mates indefinitely, when in actual fact his mates mum is a single mum with three of her own kids!

2) He is the one accusing me of awful things. I rely on my reputation for work and if I lose that my wife and daughter will suffer.

3) I don't know how else to fix it without hurting someone. He has started this, so he needs to be the one to pay the price. Surely he needs to understand that actions have consequences? At 16 I did!

No. he has made such disgraceful accusations against me, he needs to understand that saying things like that have real consequences.

At the very least a copper will sot him down, show him pictures of what real abuse looks like and gives him a warning for wasting police time.

He is welcome home anytime and I love him dearly, but there are some limits that simply overstep the mark, surely.

He is legally an adult and if he wants to accuse me of such egregious acts and then spend a few days laughing about it to his mates simply to get their approval, then he needs to see their are consequences.
the days of Dixon of dock green are over. You'll be another stat to bang up.
 
Make him a member of Arrse, , if he survives that , he should make it.
I am still going though it with mine, he can be as kind as thump, but turns on a sixpence and he is in his 40s
 
It might have something to do with your propensity for the use of exclamation marks.

If you are always on permanent send on the drama radio he might be feeling that he has to act out in order to get noticed.


God forbid he doesn't feel the need to abuse the generally accepted constricts of punctuation!!!


OP, you haven't done anything wrong.

You'll work it out. Next week, next month, next year. But you'll work it out.

I lived in fear about being murdered by my father. And to be fair, I did come within inches of dying on the odd occasion.

'Tis but a scratch!

Hold them close. You're the boss!

It's Arrse FFS, what do you expect?

Joking apart, there are normally two sides to these stories.

Yep, gobby hormonal yoof...check

But, under the grammar nazi riposte lies (I think) a valid point which (IMHO) is indicated by all the exclamation marks...which is a bit like typing in ALL CAPS*. It does give a bit of a 'me me me' feel to the post, as does the 'I'll have my day in court' tirade. I'd warrant that any psychotherapist will suggest - far more politely than I - that there are two sides to this story, and maybe this is a household where the background volume is already set a bit high.

Perhaps the lad - gobby hormonal spoiled prat that he sounds like - feels he has to turn it up to 50W just to work through the jamming?




* Death excepted, obviously :)
 
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