Where can my lad get really beasted?

#21
Serious reply.

Get him into boxing. As I've alluded to on another thread, my brother went through a phase of being a right little c**t when he was about 14, and my stepdad enrolled him in the local boxing club.

It's almost custom designed for stroppy adolescents. An atmosphere of authority, respect, physical exhaustion, and being taught to look after yourself.

Lastly, getting the message through to the lad that there is always going to be someone bigger/stronger/harder than him is no bad thing, is it?
 
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#24
Bum him. It's not about sex, it's about dominance.
 
#28
So my son, 16 a few weeks ago, went off on one today and decided he was leaving home.

Me and his mum have done everything for him, and my daughter. She is twenty and a medical student.

When my son shouted he was frightened of me in case I beat him up, my daughter pushed me to the floor and went for him! Seriously my wife held her back! He was backing away from her!

Just for the record, I haven't hit my kids ever. I spanked him about ten years ago, but then I decided that shite wasn't and never really did anything positive so I stopped and just focused on making them see what was wrong with whatever they did.

But he seems to think this is the worst possible home. A nice, middle class home, with whatever he wanted provided! A sharp-elbowed parents, who got him into a good secondary school. Ffs I gave him a gibson SG for his birthday! For my sixteenth I got a ZX81 and a talk about how my mum and dad couldn't keep me forever!

My medical student daughter thinks he may have some underlying Oedopiceal condition!

Anyway. My son has said if he doesn't get his gcse grades- which he will because he's clever- he wants to join the army. So I want to know what he can join that will really make it clear just what he's leaving! If he sticks it I will shake his hand and tell him that he is a better man than I am! Seriously I really mean that.

I don't know why he hates me. He stood in the middle of his mates house earlier and said F you I'm not coming home. I lost it and gripped him and shoved him into my car! I have apologised to the mum of his friend, but I love my son and want him home. But if he wants to really leave home I want him to be safe, and yet realise just what his mum and me have done for him.

So... where can I somehow direct him so he will be beasted within an inch of his ******* life, so basically he knows exactly what real life is all about?

I want somewhere that after six weeks he will be on the phone to his mum to beg her to fetch him! And after two months he will be on the phone to me to forgive him everything if he pays to get him released?

As I say, if he gets through it I will call a better man than I.
My house. He'll be begging you to come and collect him within 2 days.
 
#29
Serious reply.

Get him into boxing. As I've alluded to on another thread, my little brother went through a phase of being a right little c**t when he was about 14, and my stepdad enrolled him in the local boxing club.

It's almost custom designed for stroppy adolescents. An atmosphere of authority, respect, physical exhaustion, and being taught to look after yourself.

Lastly, getting the message through to the lad that there is always going to be someone bigger/stronger/harder than him is no bad thing, is it?
This times 100

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Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
#30
Typical teenagers full of angst
you have to let it go over your head, dont argue with him that makes it worse, it gives them something to work with
I have a Grandson like this, last time he kicked off, I stopped the car took the keys out and walked away
I climbed up a big hill and sat watching, didnt take him long to come looking for me

perhaps this is him ?

 
#31
"I want somewhere that after six weeks he will be on the phone to his mum to beg her to fetch him! And after two months he will be on the phone to me to forgive him everything if he pays to get him released?"

So he's doing what all teenagers do (do people suffer from selective memory loss when they become parents? Don't you remember when you were 16?) so you intend to humiliate him as well? Are you sure this isn't about you rather than him?

If he wants to leave let him go. I had a major row with my Mum at 16 and left home. I was going back home for a decent meal and to get my laundry done 3 weeks later.
 
#34
Some good replies and some, well, let's be generous and say some delivered by the Joey Deacon Emulators Society.

Anyway, he is stopping away at his mates again. Apparently he has had a great day with his mate and assorted friends bad mouthing me and playing computer games.

For the record he has accused me of physically abusing him. I asked his mates mum to check for bruises and asked her if her own son had ever said to his mum, "that XXX was covered in bruises when we got changed for games today"

She said no. I have never hit either of my kids except for spanking then when naughty as young children. I have never laid a finger on him for the best part of a decade.

I have made my mind up that tomorrow I will go round to his mates house and tell my son to either come home or get in the car and we will go to the police station and I will let him make whatever accusations against me that he likes. I will make my statements under caution and give the police whatever authority they want to discuss his claims with all of his past schools, doctors, friends, and hospital visits (two! One when he trapped his own fingers in a door when I wasn't there, and one for suspected appendicitis years ago).

He will either back down in front of his mate and his mates mum, or he will have to make a call by himself whether or not to lie to a police officer when the facts and evidence won't back his claims up.

The thing is, all his mates - and I do mean all - come from broken homes. He doesn't, and I do wonder if he's trying to engineer something so he can claim that sort of background, or worse, that his dad beat him up. Which I have not and I will happily be examined on that!

**** it.

I have a daughter who I am proud of and if he wants to lie for attention that's up to him.

He can stand up in front of a police officer and ultimately a judge and make his claim. I will avail myself of the legal system and have my day in court to defend my honour, my reputation, and my good name.
 
#35
He can stand up in front of a police officer and ultimately a judge and make his claim. I will avail myself of the legal system and have my day in court to defend my honour, my reputation, and my good name.
**** me, you are a drama queen.
 
#36
**** me, you are a drama queen.
There is no other solution. He makes his claim and I get to defend myself. That is what he thinks he wants. Or rather that is what he wants to tell his mates!

I fully intend to call his bluff.
 
#37
Are you sure you want to put him in a corner? Neither of the two options you are giving him an opportunity to back down gracefully. Neither of them will result in any improvement to your relationship - either now or in the future.
 
#38
Some good replies and some, well, let's be generous and say some delivered by the Joey Deacon Emulators Society.

Anyway, he is stopping away at his mates again. Apparently he has had a great day with his mate and assorted friends bad mouthing me and playing computer games.

For the record he has accused me of physically abusing him. I asked his mates mum to check for bruises and asked her if her own son had ever said to his mum, "that XXX was covered in bruises when we got changed for games today"

She said no. I have never hit either of my kids except for spanking then when naughty as young children. I have never laid a finger on him for the best part of a decade.

I have made my mind up that tomorrow I will go round to his mates house and tell my son to either come home or get in the car and we will go to the police station and I will let him make whatever accusations against me that he likes. I will make my statements under caution and give the police whatever authority they want to discuss his claims with all of his past schools, doctors, friends, and hospital visits (two! One when he trapped his own fingers in a door when I wasn't there, and one for suspected appendicitis years ago).

He will either back down in front of his mate and his mates mum, or he will have to make a call by himself whether or not to lie to a police officer when the facts and evidence won't back his claims up.

The thing is, all his mates - and I do mean all - come from broken homes. He doesn't, and I do wonder if he's trying to engineer something so he can claim that sort of background, or worse, that his dad beat him up. Which I have not and I will happily be examined on that!

**** it.

I have a daughter who I am proud of and if he wants to lie for attention that's up to him.

He can stand up in front of a police officer and ultimately a judge and make his claim. I will avail myself of the legal system and have my day in court to defend my honour, my reputation, and my good name.
Whoa there!
Kids are very similar to dogs...seriously. Do what you can to ignore his antics. My eldest is 38, he still loves his dad and I have never even smacked him in all that time, and he hasn't raised a hand to my grandchildren.
Ignore him and physically show him you're ignoring his antics by not making eye contact. They fcuking hate it!
Then show interest in positive attributes. Do not write him off while he is trying to be an Alpha male!!
 
#39
Are you sure you want to put him in a corner? Neither of the two options you are giving him an opportunity to back down gracefully. Neither of them will result in any improvement to your relationship - either now or in the future.
But there are a number of things going on here I believe...

1) and most importantly, he thinks he can live at his mates indefinitely, when in actual fact his mates mum is a single mum with three of her own kids!

2) He is the one accusing me of awful things. I rely on my reputation for work and if I lose that my wife and daughter will suffer.

3) I don't know how else to fix it without hurting someone. He has started this, so he needs to be the one to pay the price. Surely he needs to understand that actions have consequences? At 16 I did!

No. he has made such disgraceful accusations against me, he needs to understand that saying things like that have real consequences.

At the very least a copper will sot him down, show him pictures of what real abuse looks like and gives him a warning for wasting police time.

He is welcome home anytime and I love him dearly, but there are some limits that simply overstep the mark, surely.

He is legally an adult and if he wants to accuse me of such egregious acts and then spend a few days laughing about it to his mates simply to get their approval, then he needs to see their are consequences.
 
#40
My view is that you need to let him get on with it and leave him be.

At the moment, given the acrimony between the two of you, both of you will do something that later on, you will both hugely regret.

He’s made his mind up and he’s at an age where he’s very unlikely to change his mind. Give him some space and although it might not be the speedy solution you would like to see, he will likely eventually calm down.

Don’t burn your bridges anymore but just tell him if he wants to leave, he’s at an age where he can do so but while you might prefer him to remain at home, as far as you are concerned, he’s free to go.

Tell him that if he wants a roof over his head in the future, he’s always welcome to return but that’s up to him.

In some instances, it’s sometimes best just to let them go and keep an eye on them from a distance. As a father, it might seem a crap solution but you can only respond to the circumstances as they are.

I hope you resolve your dilemma. Good luck.
 

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