An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up. "Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked. "I'm sorry," the American replied, but I really gotta go." "You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me." The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away." The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started urinating on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?" "No," retorted the policeman. "It's the French Embassy." Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each > other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, > > "What are you in here for?" > > The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a > little nervous." > > The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done > when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give > you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze." > > The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" > > The first kid says, "A circumcision." > > The second kid replies, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I > was born. Couldn't walk for a year." >>Subject: Goldfish Funeral >> >>Little six-year old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when >>her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the >>cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you >>up to there, Nancy?" >>"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, >>"and I've just buried him." >>The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a >>goldfish, isn't it?" >>Sweet Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, >>"That's >>because he's inside your f*cking cat.