Where can I get a Northerner?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by k13eod, Oct 11, 2008.

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  1. I watched Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse last night in 'Harry & Paul' and was very interested in 'The Royal Henley Northerner Show 2008'.

    So I have a couple of questions;

    Where can you get a Northerner to show; are there specialist breeders?

    What are the fundamental differences between specific breeds?

    Are they easy to train (I guess some breeds easier than others)?

    Are they expensive to keep (food, drink versus benefits etc)?

    Can they turn nasty?
  2. Sixty

    Sixty LE Moderator Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Cyclists and Triathletes

    Oh golly no. I'd imagine the typical cucumber sandwich eating, shandy drinking, light loafer wearing southern chap who's 'good with colours' would have no problems whatsoever.
  3. Being married to one, I can confirm that they can indeed turn nasty. Generally without warning other than a broadening of the accent. Steer clear of this breed.
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    They're more expensive if you have them trained as 'Ferret', or 'Whippet' Northerners.

    If you just start out with a Northerner, I believe the puppies are quite cheap, but like the adults, they can be aggressive if thirsty, or strangely, if they've had too much also.

    When you get the hang of the breeding, you can then start to learn how to get them to control ferrets and whippets, but tbh, which is akin to training a sheepdog to coral sheep. It's easier with Northerners though as they have an afinity with these creatures.

    What you've got to watch out for though is the in-breeding, which, despite the best efforts of the Working Man Clubs still goes on, leading to some terrible deficiencies - especially in the Mancunian and Brummie breeds.
  5. LOL excellent posts just started my working day, can't wait to finish so that I can change it my normal attire flat cap, jacket, ferret in one pocket, and tek whippets out for t'walk..........

    Tough northern bastard that I am....
  6. Having a geordie bitch (well actually a lesser pedigree the Durham bitch) I can whole heartedly recommend them. Nice little breed, bit unpredictable on alcohol, easy to house train but can be difficult to understand when they get excited...
  7. You missed out korma eating and poodle walking :D
  8. I was glad to see the Manc Bitch shown last night. In my experience a regular dosing of "Blue Wicked" is all that is required for them to put out on a regular basis.

    There is a related breed called the "Essex Slapper" that is usually a bit heavier around the middle and can be found in packs in Colchester Town Centre exhibiting the same behaviours as its Manc relation. Best avoided.
  9. Don't go there. IMHO a feral breed and totally untrainable.

    I was thinking of an Orcadian (from Orkney) ... they seem a quite rugged breed and I am told are good around children?
  10. Its a truely hard life looking after 'Northerners', the black pudding lot are a handful - especially the educated ones, southerners a little easier but they want to strike all the time, the more southern ones have turned incest into a sport.
    Ah, the local dregs, coming 3rd to Austria and the North Midlands at the Hide and Seek championships.

    Actually found the show disgusting, it was bordering on racist with much of the 'fun' echoing humour of the 70's, e.g. black and white minstrels. I don't mind Northern stereotypes, such as 'Yorkshire Airlines' found on YouTube as they have an element of fun (like this thread) but this was totally insulting. BBC showed what it is - Southern Poofter Broadcasting Corporation. No wonder most of the UK wants independence.
    I just really liked the way a Scot was included, guess that was to deflect blame of it being an 'English' aimed show.
  11. This is the website for BBC complaints:


    However this is the NAAFI Bar. So ... Down ... GET DOWN! Good boy. Paw for Stella.
  12. Fcuking girl!
  13. I dabbled across the continent a few years back, and am pleased to say it's paid off - I'm the owner of a remarkable Germanic bitch who is completely house trained. I was amazed at this breed's independence and willingness to serve it's master. The one down side is that she tires quickly if worked arduously for any particular length of time - can anyone recommend a school or trainer who can beat this out of her?
  14. Have you been down the personal ridicule, food deprivation and sexual abuse route yet?
  15. In what world do any of you shandy drinking Souhern woofters think you could handle a Northener in the house all day?
    They are outwardly pleasant but as soon as your back is turned they will be beating your wife up, shagging your dog and shitting on your carpet on a Saturday night before running away to Gretna Green with your teenage daughter.
    If they are a fake northener (like them poofs from Manchester or Liverpool) then they will be noisey to live with and spend all their time talking shite too.
    We tend to be quite seaky too. Just when you think a Northener is tamed they will probably set fire to your house for a giggle on Bonfire Night
    We only come South to get cash, like the money us northeners pay in tax to subsidise you southerners.
    Besides, aren't all you Southerners queer? I thought you wanted Northeners down there to ensure some breeding actually takes place.