Reunions have never been my thing, I tipped up to a school reunion a couple of years ago and got predictably pissed, true to form I rounded up my former group of miscreants and fucked about just as we did years ago, my night ended with us jousting in a hotel corridor in bed sheet togas whilst brandishing mops/brooms proffed from a cleaning cupboard. Amongst the attendees were some shining examples of achievement, the token 'skaterboy' was now designing and building skate ramps all over the world, (a topic that has a fucking half life of 2000 years judging by the half hour I spent listening to him), my 5th year squeeze had transformed herself from the 16 year old, sluttily dressed tramp who used to let me eat her out on a golf course to a sharply dressed sales executive who merely breezed past me with a sardonic smile and a 'of all people I never thought you'd show up!!' quip, this may have something to do with the fact that I robbed her Mum and Dads entire kitchen of anything resembling alcohol one summers evening, including a bottle of 30 year old red wine they had had saved as a treasured momento, they needn't have bothered it was honking and full of bits of cork but surprisingly enough the hardest kid in the year was now a raving beefer, gone was the bone crushing dead arms, the threats to meet anyone who fucked with him that he would get them after school and the kilo weight greenies he used to fire out all the time, all replaced by a salmon pink shirt and some severly dodgy veneers that looked like he had put them on with his feet, undoubtably his fagness would have been a surefire comfort to me the day that he bounced his forehead off my 13 year old nose at a swimming baths, an incident coincidentally that took the form of a near UN intervention as my Dad filled in his Dad quite severly in front of half the school. Same applies at the regimental/Coy/Bty reunions I've been on, the mood is generally fun aside from one notorious prick of a Captain now Major saying he thought I'd be either dead or in prison by now which was comforting, I considered being childish and discussing salaries but the buffet was calling I found it to be quite comforting when you get a butchers at those of who either gone to seed or them that have not quite let go of the whole 'squaddie' thing. The most surprising of all was a fat knacker who in the space of a decade had been a paramedic, then a bobby and had landed a role with a huge security company as a consultant, this was the man who once burst into tears in a batco lesson and feigned dyslexia before being binned off the course. Other notable success's were quite impressive, amongst the graduates, the high fliers and the those that were now sitting comfortably as senior ranks there were some wholly dire individuals that rocked up. 'Dave', a prolific racing snake from the Wirral had done some serious bird, being an ex squaddie and to be fair pretty handy he ended up looking after some scouse big shot but was caught red handed at the airport with him with class A drugs, the other bloke breezed through and our 'Dave' didnt pass go or collect his £200.. My old razzman? A train conductor, fatter, balder and stoically hanging onto any last vestige of respect given to him by those at the get together who were still rammed right up his arse, I hadn't the heart to tell him that during my 14 days ROPS I jizzed on his shirt collar every night when I was dispatched to the mess to iron his rig and shine his boots, he bought me a cheeky vimto which is more than enough to buy my affections. The clear winner though was a lad called spud, fuck all to do with the 'Taylor' connection it was because he was an oddly shaped half arab with stuff growing out of his ears, not content with siring kids all over Lancashire, he'd set up in Spain and ploughed his cash into a bar and lived it up for a bit. After returning to the UK he put his dough into a brothel near Man Citys ground with the atypical red light in the window and a steady stream of illuminous jacketed work men coming and going. Luck was not on his side when he was dragged from his house and leathered by some lunatics for his 'takings', resulting in him having his hands carressed by a hammer, the peak of his success however saw him attempting to do a Reggie Perin and at the time of the function he was living the highlife on the dole at his parents at 40 years of age. How did your oppos/schoolmates pan out?