When your bird runs off with an accountant...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Vegetius, Jul 22, 2005.

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  1. ...it hurts. It makes you feel less than...exciting. It makes you wonder if your sexual technique was less than stellar, or if your conversational prowess was lacking. FFS, this fcuker was also fcuking bald. It was all about money, I'll tell you. He had lots and I didn't. Happily, I saw the bird in question a few years back and she's turned into a mangy, gopping, disgusting Crocadillamongasaurus so it serves him right. OTOH, Mrs. Veg is utterly stunning. Mwuhahahahaaaa!!!

    The reason I'm posting this is because I'm pondering the very important issue of when you got dumped by a bird (or a bloke or a Alsatian or whatever), what was the occupation of the tw*t they left you for?

    This will then go into an interesting ARRSE NAAFI statistical vortex whereby we can develop a BARSTA*D JOB WIFE-STEALING INDEX (BJWSI). This will allow us to keep a look-out for certain occupations and thus prevent our other halves having anything to do with them, unless (A) you want to be dumped or (B) you are a groovy swinger.

    I'm only going to put The Accountant in because I'm only going to count serious relationships (for example, I was living with the bird who ran off with The Accountant...did I mention how painful it was?).

    Army types may list offenders by Trade/ Corps/ Regt. if they wish. Civvies can also join in, for example The Accountant was in insolvency. I'm wondering what occupation is going to pop up the most...I've found that people in medicine are pretty suspect too.

    Please post away, and make sweeping and offensive generalisations about the professions in question.

  2. Hmmmmm let me think..........................

    I've only been binned for another once.

    And he was a trainee accountant! (we were only 19)

  3. Fcukin' hell! Two coppers dumped for accountants! We have a trend already and I'll tell you accountants will be outed for the scoundrels they are!
  4. Having said that, he's a crab now as he failed accountant selection.

  5. an accountancy student who splashed the mega billions his dad had all over the place....... funny thing is he is not so rich any more as daddy fell in the enron saga and my ex who left me for him calls me occasionally asking if i am spoken for or not.....
    oh the comedy of it.... found out she lives with her parents now and does part time work and cant find decent paid employ
  6. .....oh did I mention that for the first 4 months they were together I was still shagging her?
  7. THREE fcuking accountants. WTF is going on? I'd like to see a divorce lawyer comment on this disturbing trend.

    Saying that, a career in the Royal Air Force must be punishment enough for any man who covets another's woman.

  8. Anybody with "sales representative" anywhere in their title will steal your bird, empty your liquor cabinet and impregnate your dog before you get home for dinner.

    It doesn't matter if they sell shoes, Jaguars or pharmaceutical supplies. Beware of the single salesman. He can afford lots of restaurants (and hotels) you probably can't due to the expense account...and if he doesn't have an expense account, he's probably got the oily panty-removing banter down to a formula. If he wasn't good at it he'd be doing something else, trust me.

    I know it sounds obvious....but smarter women than I have fallen for this pole-smoker. One of my oldest aquaintances recently dumped her long-suffering husband for an insurance salesman in tasseled loafers and blonde highlight-streaked hair. *retch* I've told her that he almost certainly has pu$$y in every city in California, but she's convinced she's special. Righty-O, Cleopatra. :roll:
  9. please do let us know when it ends in tears including the "I told you so" statement, also please do tell us the depth she will plunge to get her former husband back.

    if i was the former husband i would shag her pretending to be interested in rekindling the relationship only to say afte rthe shag , "That was for old times sake, treasure it as i am banging an 18yo totty" :twisted:
  10. Girl i saw in the early 90's fcuked off with an RAF chap whilst i was on exercise. I was quite gutted about it, and went on a personal mission to shag as many of her mates as possible.

    Anyway, her and the crab chap ended up getting married. A mutual friend was telling me the other day that he's now in his late 30's and a Cpl, she cant work because shes hurt her back and the've got 4 kids. Financially destitute aparantly. Had to laugh.

  11. Who have my Exs run off with hmmm! LOSERS every single one of them.

    Revenge. For the last two, on being dumped, I wrote an obituary in the local paper, then about midday I called an ambulance to their addresses( Sorry ambulance people, broken hearts dont make you think straight). Have seen the state they are in now, their loss, not mine.

  12. once got dumped by a lass for another lad , he had more sweets than me! hope her teeth fell out (we were 9yrs old)
  13. Got dumped by a long term girlfriend at the begining of the year. She just rocked up and said she did not think she loved me anymore (strange it did not stop her spending my money or begging for some Cowboy loving!) then she turned in to the ice queen - did not return phone calls or emails. No warning signs at all either!!!
    Morole of the story - do not support PHd students cos as soon as they get it your find you have a one way ticket to Dumpsville.

    To top it off I got hit by a car two months later buggering up my leg,back and neck muscles.

    However I have mended and have been shagging about like ...er, a red blooded male should!

    I'm happy in the knowledge that she only has £20 pounds a months free cash to spend after she has paid rent, bills, student lones etc. and i'm taking the summer off with the money I saved for a diamond ring. Shame.
  14. So we can conclude from this that Accountants are a ba.stard race and need to be eliminated from the face of the Earth.

    Simple eh? No more stolen birds!
  15. While I was away bravely selling arms..erm I mean defence equipment..to our jellaba-ed cousins, the first Mrs Cuddles took up on a regular basis with a "self-employed football memorabilia dealer". He was skinny, swarthy, with a wank 'tache but he was always there; whereas I had a passport like a stamp album and the words "just back from"..or "just off to" tattoed on my lips!

    I ought to be bitter but I am actually quite grateful to the scrote, who is now maitre en titre of the former Cuddles Towers, now known as Scrote Hall. After all, I was then able to resume my military career as I no longer had the mortgage and other pressing financial commitments bar school-fees. Moreover he has to put up with the increasingly mardy Mrs Scrote (nee Cuddles) who turned out to be a bit of a whinging, unemployable old trout; which I suspected was the case all along.

    She is actually very nice to me now but keeps him on rope of steel. I in turn get to live with Mrs Cuddles Mark 2, with whom I rub along pretty well. She is not a bad skin for a leper, as they say...