When outlaws visit...

Inspired by the recent discussion on bad food in schools... reminded me of when the wife's parents come to stay.

In trying to improve the children's diet I think my wife cooks some supersmashingmarvellous food e.g. a nice and simple pasta with a delicate and oft expensive carbanara (sp?) sauce...

What do the outlaws do... brown sauce all over! In fact anything mildly exotic (fish?) gets mullahed with it!

I'm trying to restrain myself but...

Any other stories of outlaw outrage!?
I do my best to ignore mine, as my father in law is an interfering git.

He NEVER stops talking about money.

Not in a helpful way either.

Imagine the Harry Enfield ("Considerably richer than you") character but without enough money to actually make it worthwhile.

And he is a tight and ungrateful.

All round a bit of a cnut really.
I could wax long and lyrical about my (ex) outlaws ... he would have pet names for everything (going up to "snuggies" instead of bed, having some "mink" in his tea instead of milk, have a "barse" instead of a bath), his dogs were "Springie-doos" instead of Springers ... it was like being with Ned Flanders from the Simpsons.

He would made as big show of cooking a meal, which would turn out to be frozen food shoved in the microwave, then he'd fart loudly at the table and blame it on everyone else.

I only regret he'd not have a clue how to find this website and read what I've written about him. Lovely wife too ("Poppet" of course) ... what did she see in him? Cnut.
Iam doing my bit to combat global warming My Inlaws live in the States so to cut done on emmisions from aircraft am thinking of banning them from my visiting this country
Bizarre as it seems I get on with mine quite well
No problems with the outlaws as far as my OH is concerned. They think he's a conceited pr!ck who doesn't deserve me. I think he's lovely even more so cos he keeps my family away!!!!
Not really a horror story, but...

My in laws lives in Australia. A while ago my father in law was looking forward to a new episode of a UK television programme, but when ABC broadcast it he rang them to complain that he'd seen it before. They insisted it was the first time it had been broadcast, but he in turn maintained that he remembered the plot, characters, dialogue etc. in some detail.

Turns out he'd seen it here in the UK when he visited us a few months previously. Collapse of stout party...

But back on thread, I get on with them very well. However, when we emigrate and see them more frequently is another matter.
Madness. I loved my (ex) inlaws (to be).

I'd happily live with them. They were well cultured people i got on with Daddy inlaw like a house on fire and mummy inlaw thought i was god because i built them a wall around their rockery in the garden. Shame their daughter turned out to be a massive financial drain on me then eventually decided she would be better served sh@gging cattericks entire male population whilst yours truly was battling with the fuzzy wuzzy's.

I should have bagged off with her mum... She'd have got it!
I live in Moscow, Russia, and my other half is a Russky girl. Now, I've had a few Russian birds before and their mums and dads were great. But my mother in law (or Tyosha, as they say here) is as mad as a bag of stoats.
We let her stay in our flat over Christmas last year whilst we went to UK. I came home, opened the door, and thought "f&ck, it's nippy in here!"
She'd only left all the windows open when she'd gone home, hadn't she? January in Russia, not warm. Luckily my big plant survived as it was next to the radiator. Then I went to bed, and found mandarin peel in my pit.
Needless to say, it was a while before she got invited around next. About six months, in fact.
The main reason I dread her coming over, in fact, is not my own dislike for her, but the fact that she drives my missus up the wall within five minutes of stepping in the door.
Oh - another gem - when we first met, she bought me a f*cking DEER STALKER HAT!!!! No, I don't look like Basil Rathbone, by the way.
There was a wonderful ten-second stunned silence whilst yours truly looked at his missus, then looked at Tyosha to see if it was a wind-up, and then back at the missus. Priceless.
codbutt said:
Oh - another gem - when we first met, she bought me a f*cking DEER STALKER HAT!!!! No, I don't look like Basil Rathbone, by the way.
There was a wonderful ten-second stunned silence whilst yours truly looked at his missus, then looked at Tyosha to see if it was a wind-up, and then back at the missus. Priceless.
Brilliant CB. Life will never be dull by the sounds.


Mine are mad as a box of frogs but they fit in well with my family. At least the MIL and the FIL are divorced so we play them off against each other! Her Fathers side of the family are intolerable ar$eholes who never cease to amaze me withtheir arrogant stupidity. Still thats what centuries of occiferclass inbreeding does!
Mine dont visit at all even though they only live around the corner. I made it clear at the start that they weren't welcome through my door. :D
Mine are due to turn up tomorrow night (all 8 of them) eat me out of house & home, and then I have to go there on Xmas day and be polite...

What I want to do is bitchslap my MIL, tell her to stop being a mad as a box of mad things slapper, then spark up a big smelly seegar, break wind loudly and declare that their lovely daughter takes it up the wrong 'un.

Sanity might prevail though.. I have scared the buggers off for a few years by donning DPM whenever they come over, taking the males for a clay shoot and using my 'instructor' voice, giving them a ride in a C36 AMG when I was at my daftest, and getting their teenage kids pished on sake. Where's the Rohypnol? Could be fun on Xmas eve!


I sometimes think that my own family are as bad as any inlaws. They are like something from the Royle family!
I was taking the p1ss out of my little sister for wanting ny brother and I to give her away on her wedding, My brother has no teeth and will probably be inside then anyway. I called her fiancee jethro (well he's from Penzance so its a safe bet) but accidentally got him on the phone today and hes a ficking rupert. His daughter sounds nice, I'll get pics from the wedding, she might be legal by then.
I am lucky as the long term g/f parents live in Canada. There ok in very small doses - normally about 20 seconds.

This year I have packed g/f and child off to Canada for Xmas while I stay at home.

The price? The new floor better be in place before she gets home or there will be trouble. However, it is well woth it to avoid having to stay with them for a couple of weeks.


And why not indeed!
ex wifes parents are the "outlaws" and they are brilliant, even now! current wifes mother n father divorced 10 years, she is a pain in the arrse, he is brill, we travel from Sheffield across to the continent every year for a long weekend in guesthouses putting the miles in on our motorbikes. BMWs of course, a K75 (750cc) and my R 1150 RT.

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