when is the best time to tell your mrs she is getting fat..?

strewth, i know its christmas and all, but the rate mrs s is shovelling chocolate in to her is really quite alarming. and to make matters worse, i caught a glimpse of her getting dressed this morning, and there seems to be a lot more of her than i can remember......

so, when is the best time to inform her of her new shape?

do i take the direct approach or go around the subject?


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depends how quick you can dig yourself a trench!
The second after the decree absolute hits the Axminster.

And, yes, I did.....................
Right after you've just slipped her younger slimmer sister a portion

you're never going to be able to tell your missus that. A much simpler option is to buy as much of her existing wardrobe in a size smaller than she already owns. Swap the labels over so she doesn't notice and when she suddenly can't wear any of her clobber she'll do something about it. And with luck slim down to fit into the new kit resultig in you having an even more svelt missus.
There's no time like the present, and she will appreciate your honesty. Think of her feelings, however: There is a female thing here, and it may well be best to raise the subject when she is surrounded by other women, so that they can offer their views and advice. Do you have a Ladies' night coming up in the Mess? That would be an ideal opportunity to raise it, perhaps in the Ante Room, just before going in to Dinner.

Good luck!

I've heard that women consuming chocolate like that is a substitute for sex.
You have the solution.
The best time to tell her is before it Fcuking happens. Just how bloated is she ? I mean there is a lot to be said for meat on the bone, but if it's a Michelle McManus, it might be worth chucking her and shacking up with babytiger as it appears that she's on the market again
the guru.. shes not that big yet, she can still ride jocky, but it the excuses that grip me. "its a girl thing you know, its that time of the month." "girls crave for it." "i was just passing the biccy tin and one fell out."

anyone else heard the excuses?
Depends then on how you like your laydees. If you catch her watching Shallow Hal, then watch out, watch out!
This is a very dangerous subject in my house. Mrs Reserve thinks that is her parogative to have a form like hers because, "after all I have had 2 children". She often goes through her wardrobe and sacks up the clobber that is too small for her while I am away. The charity shops put both hands together when she walks in, they know they have a weeks work sorting it all out. Funny how the new stuff just appears. I have tried various ploys like "the buttons look like they are straining at the leash / that shows of your love handles / is that one of your mum's etc, all of which resulted in a tirade of abuse. I have yet to try saying "fart and give me a clue" or "shall I hit you in the stomach and ride the ripple's" routine before attemting to make pasho. If I do I think I will have to beat a hasty withdrawal before having my teeth re-arranged.

I wish I new the answer.!!. If anyone does find the cure, please let me know.
When you can no longer get into her knickers ............ Oh, Matron.
there is no good time, if you have to point her "slight weight gain" out to her. mention that you going to japan to watch the whales breed, you never her know she might get harpooned and you wont have to worry any more.
Tie her behind the car and keep driving.

Remember 1lb of fat = 3500 calories.

Walking for 1 hour = 250/300 calories.

Keep driving mate :lol:
so, when is the best time to inform her of her new shape?
When she's drunk and 2 days before her next period.

For added humour, why not post up several pictures of scantily clad, nubile women (preferably younger than her) around the house with post-stick notes pointing out where their bits are better than hers (y'know - please note FLAT stomach, etc). You could also nuture an increased interest in porn and start being more explicit (i.e. leaving the jazz mags open on the bed with a note asking her to look like the blonde on page 12 etc...). Even better - start taking the p1ss out her in public; refer to her publically as 'Fatty', 'Lard-@rse' or my own particular favorite 'Oi, you fat Whelk'. You could start leaving flyers for weight watchers around the place, or indeed if none of these things work and her self esteem doesn't disintegrate any further in order for her to crumble into anorexia, why not have an affair with someone svelt, let her find out and as an explaination tell her 'it was because you got fat dear'.

MEN! :roll:

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