when is the best time to tell your mrs she is getting fat..?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by STEWPOT, Dec 15, 2005.

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  1. strewth, i know its christmas and all, but the rate mrs s is shovelling chocolate in to her is really quite alarming. and to make matters worse, i caught a glimpse of her getting dressed this morning, and there seems to be a lot more of her than i can remember......

    so, when is the best time to inform her of her new shape?

    do i take the direct approach or go around the subject?
     
  2. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    depends how quick you can dig yourself a trench!
     
  3. The second after the decree absolute hits the Axminster.

    And, yes, I did.....................
     
  4. Right after you've just slipped her younger slimmer sister a portion
     
  5. STEWPOT

    you're never going to be able to tell your missus that. A much simpler option is to buy as much of her existing wardrobe in a size smaller than she already owns. Swap the labels over so she doesn't notice and when she suddenly can't wear any of her clobber she'll do something about it. And with luck slim down to fit into the new kit resultig in you having an even more svelt missus.
     
  6. There's no time like the present, and she will appreciate your honesty. Think of her feelings, however: There is a female thing here, and it may well be best to raise the subject when she is surrounded by other women, so that they can offer their views and advice. Do you have a Ladies' night coming up in the Mess? That would be an ideal opportunity to raise it, perhaps in the Ante Room, just before going in to Dinner.

    Good luck!

    Don
     
  7. I've heard that women consuming chocolate like that is a substitute for sex.
    You have the solution.
     
  8. A chocolate dildo ?. Milk or dark chocolate ??
     
  9. The best time to tell her is before it Fcuking happens. Just how bloated is she ? I mean there is a lot to be said for meat on the bone, but if it's a Michelle McManus, it might be worth chucking her and shacking up with babytiger as it appears that she's on the market again
     
  10. Buy her some Ryvita 8O
     
  11. When you can dip both spuds in.
     
  12. the guru.. shes not that big yet, she can still ride jocky, but it the excuses that grip me. "its a girl thing you know, its that time of the month." "girls crave for it." "i was just passing the biccy tin and one fell out."

    anyone else heard the excuses?
     
  13. Not now, just after Christmas so it can be a 'New Years Resolution'...... :roll: Are you slim-jim yourself?
     
  14. Depends then on how you like your laydees. If you catch her watching Shallow Hal, then watch out, watch out!
     
  15. This is a very dangerous subject in my house. Mrs Reserve thinks that is her parogative to have a form like hers because, "after all I have had 2 children". She often goes through her wardrobe and sacks up the clobber that is too small for her while I am away. The charity shops put both hands together when she walks in, they know they have a weeks work sorting it all out. Funny how the new stuff just appears. I have tried various ploys like "the buttons look like they are straining at the leash / that shows of your love handles / is that one of your mum's etc, all of which resulted in a tirade of abuse. I have yet to try saying "fart and give me a clue" or "shall I hit you in the stomach and ride the ripple's" routine before attemting to make pasho. If I do I think I will have to beat a hasty withdrawal before having my teeth re-arranged.

    I wish I new the answer.!!. If anyone does find the cure, please let me know.