When is it good and proper to soil oneself?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by chunkers, Aug 11, 2008.

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  1. I was flying today and being a baby pilot I had an assesment. Whilst undergoing said assesment I felt that stiring in the bowels that those who have had dysentry, or a vindeloo and a skinfull of ale the night before, would be so familiar with.
    Not one to let something as insignificant like this get in the way I attempted to hold it. This lasted a grand total of about 20 seconds before I dropped my guts and felt sh*t flowing down my legs.
    Thank christ the doors were off so the instructor didn't notice immediatley, although I did get the odd look of utter horror from the left hand seat.
    On landing the instructor hops out and buggers off leaving me to shut down. Tucking my flying suit into my socks i duely set off to do the post flight. The rear cabin was completly covered in sh*t, where the slipstream had grabbed it off the floor and hurled it back.
    Cue a very uncomfortable hand over to the engineers and an quick march back to the lines for some new strides.

    Anything like this happened to you fine lot or am I alone in this field

    This is my first post, love the site!
  2. And buy the poor sods who have to clean up some crates of beer.
  3. If you are the Prime Minister of Georgia and have been stupid enough to attack Russian troops - sh1tting yourself is perfectly acceptable.

    And if you're not - you should be. :twisted:
  4. Up until the age of about 3 years old,after that you if you are still doing it you should seek help.

    I suppose you're still wetting the bed as well but won't cough to it until you see the response you get to this topic.

    edited for spelling mustakes
  5. 1. Seeing your mother naked.
    2. Been drunk and forgettting to pull your trousers down.
  6. when being attacted by a bear.
  8. That will teach you to go out without you butt plug.
  9. What an amazing coincidence!

    On Friday I took my daughter out to lunch and in the car on the return journey, my granddaughter did the exact same thing.

    Thankfully, being only 16 months old, she was wearing a nappy at the time.

    :roll: :roll: :roll:
  10. no AAC joke?
  11. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Real ARRSErs like a challenge when formulating humour. That one would be like shooting fish in a barrel, and no discerning member of this esteemed group would sink so low...

    Who am I kidding? Crack on chaps :roll:
  12. After drinking way too much cider in The Church one Sunday afternoon I actually found my way back to Waterloo station where I had to sit down or fall down, I plonked my arse next to a beggar and had a bit of a drunken chat, the fact that he actually looked smarter than me was cause for concern, some woman came past and dropped a quid in his cap and said ''get yourself a drink lads''. LADS? She thought I was his mate I looked that bad, I staggered off to Burger King in disgust, ordered my scoff, farted and promptly followed through, I had to slyly walk upstairs to the bogs and take my now severely stained boxers off and flush them away, the fact that I was wearing beige jeans didn't help matters though!

    I can safely say this was not my finest hour.
  13. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    When is it good and proper to soil oneself?

    1) When some old bat sitting next to you on a long haul flight says "Would you like to see some pictures of my grandchildren?"
    2) When the queue in the kebab shop is getting on your tits.
    3) When your bird shouts "I'm coming. Quick, curl one out on my chest"
    4) When you want to show your mates that you're still the Daddy.

    Lots of times.
  14. They are so 1970.
  15. When in the Forest of Dean, drinking perry with the oh so friendly locals who dont tell you about the ineviatable 10 pint squits.
    They all go for a dump after 6,but dont let the incomers know