When is a turd just a turd?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by duckula, Oct 16, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Yes. I use them daily and I'm a pure delight.

    0 vote(s)
  2. No. They're sh*t and I look a fright!

    0 vote(s)
  1. Lying in the bath last night, listening to some Kenny G, I was struck by something. No, it wasn't the stench of the blind chocolate otter I had just released back into the wild, it was the unbelievable array of beauty products that litter my bathroom. There's potions, lotions, creams, elixers, wipes and all manner of hocus pocus. Now, I'm all for a product that makes a woman more attrative, something that supresses the urge to dry heave when you clap eyes on her. However, do these things work?
    So, I ask, is there a stage when you have to say, "Save your money, no matter how much you polish it, that turd is never gonna shine"

    Arsser's. Do you use them? do they work? Or have you come to the sad conclusion that you will never be Brad Pitt when you look like an arm pit?

    Arrse Maidens. Now, I'm sure you all have inner beauty but, chances are, some of you will have a face that could stop a clock. So, do you smear these products all over yourself? Which ones (do you think) work?

    I know there are threads for ugly trolls and stunning beauties so there's no need to post pic's (unless there are some exceptional cases for or against)

    I have put this in the NAAFI because I fully expect the odd picture of a munter that will invoke outrage and the odd choice phrase. (I am also aware that it might find it's way into the hole)

    Standing by for flaming, "It's been done before" And general abuse.
  2. Got to say never use 'em. I am an ugly fcuk anyway and being a bloke can't see the point. Soap, shaving foam, shower gel, and some smellies both posh and cheap depending on where i am going.
  3. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

  4. That my friend, is where you are wrong. You can polish a turd, and it does shine too! It was on Mythbusters. They did it.

  5. are we verging on the edge of a very dodge conversation about the merits and drawbacks of "facials"?
  6. I appreciate the response however, I fear you may be missing the point :wink: And Mythbusters must be coming to the end of it's shelflife if they're resorting to "Can we polish a turd?"
  7. I don't use beauty products, I know I am ugly and no amount of cosmetics are going to change that. :oops:
    Mrs Dont on the other hand uses every potion, lotion and quack cure going to try to look pretty.
    Unfortunatly she achieves the same result as me and mearly confirms my determination not to waste my money on products that obviously dont work. :roll:

    (If you are wondering why I am being so honest, I know the stupid old bag doesn't read ARRSE). :wink:
  8. When is a turd just a turd?

    When it is in Government.
  9. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Then it isn't. It might look, sound and smell like a turd, but in actual fact it is a minor treaty.
  10. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    You mean you actually wear that sh1t and still look as rough as you do?
  11. Male facial cream.............Ladies Moisturiser..........FNARRR! FNARR!

    Hat, Coat, TAXI!

    p.s. Kenny G is lift music and all sounds the same!
  12. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I am fcuking essence, the only beauty products I use come in a can with a ring pull and the word Stella written on the side.

    I could not wash for two weeks, dry shave with a broken bottle and have creatures living in my hair and I would still be fending the chicks off with a shitty stick.
  13. My missus doesn't wear much make up but what she buys always seems to attract a free gift and if I'm loitering around, generally looking bored then that usually includes something for me. Sometimes it's a small vial of after shave that breaks on opening it and so the backs of your hands smell nice or sometimes I get a small sachet of skin moisturizer.

    Since when has water not been wet enough? :?
  14. Rampaging lynch-mobs don't count, though.

    Soap and water for the body and hair, toothpaste for the teeth and talc or footpowder for the feet. Anything beyond that smacks of the love that dare not say its name.
  15. I think we're all missing the point here. Never mind Duckula's questions, I'm more interested in why he sh*ts in the bath? Was he just really, really relaxed, and couldn't hold it back? Or is it part of a somewhat non-traditional skin care regime (i.e. home made mud packs)?