when at the other halfs

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bawheed, Dec 14, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Was at the girlfrends last night happily enjoying a bit of xmas cheer listening to the 10 most liked xmas tunes for about the 400th time this week i know its dull. well the nxt 20 mins were not so dull . first of all there was a bit of commotion up stairs between the my other halfs little brother and sister lotsof racket which was responded by the father with a shout of 'get to your bed!' s it went all quiet then the little boy came down the stairs and knocked on the living room door and he entered i was first to spot the artifact and with a giggle notic he was carrying a gigantic dildo a he said in an inocent tone mummy whats this for meawile i have just shat myself with laughter and te father says in a blunt tone 'Its a ann summers thng now off you pop to bed ' then the kid says is it for stirring milkshakes coz it vibrates well i thought that was the cheery on the cake for me so the next ten minutes were sat in slilence while i tried to avert eye contact with the bird coz a knew i wouldburst in to histerics .finally got out of there a burst freely i to laugher
  2. Yeah but no but yeah......and breathe!
  3. Not a bad wee ditty.

    However, you could have spiced it up by saying that the father then raped his son before knocking you out.

    Did the gigantic dildo belong to your girlfriend?

    If so it is probably because you are sexually inadequate as a man you text writing cunt.
  4. Is that text talk bollox then?
    What a load of poo.

  5. You mean spice it up like this.........

    "Last night I was at my seventeen year old girlfriends house enjoying having her bee slung lips wrapped around my smeg encrusted bell end while listening to the top ten most liked Christmas songs. As the Snowman was flying in the air I snowballing my girlfriend.
    Just as she was gaggling with my spunk we heard an almighty commotion coming from her parents room. Her Father shouted up that the kids should shut the fvck up and get to bed and that me an my girl should come down for coffee. I have a sneaking suspicion that he does not trust me, not after he walked in on us when I was balls deep in her (I did offer twos up, but he turned me down). I have a sneaking feeling that he may be an Arrser.

    So half an hour later we are all in the drawing room, having a cup of coffee and some Madeira cake when her little brother bursts into the room butt naked with a 24 inch double headed dildo shoved up his arrse pretending to be a chimpanzee. This kid is jumping all over the place with his flesh coloured tail swinging wildly, screeching like a wild thing!
    His Father just looks blankly at the little fucker before booting him in the balls so hard that he launched his son a good five foot off the ground.
    Silence! perfect silence entered the room after the kid landed in a potted plant. I'm not sure if I should mention it when I go back around for Tea tomorrow or if I should pretend nothing happened. "