Whats the stupidest thing that your mates have said?

There is a similar thread elsewhere in this forum but titled 'What's the stupidest thing your missus has said?' but I thought i'd start this one to see what we get.

I remember being in Lisanelly Barracks, Omagh one day with the lads watching TV. The news came on and there was a report saying that a man had been fatally wounded in a shooting outside a bar in Belfast. This was a daily occurence. One of the crowd then piped up and said 'They didn't say whether he was dead yet or not'. He didn't come up for much of a slagging after that...NOT

He also used to swear that you could put the silver food trays into the microwave and warm food up in them which is an obvious no-no.
Yesterday, one workmate asked another (who was eating a bacon sandwich at that point in time) "are you a Muslim". WTF???
(I should point out that the one asking got a first in his engineering degree - so can hardly be described as an idiot)
A few years back the missus and her friend were sitting watching a news report on euthanasia. The reporter mentioned that it was legal in the Netherlands and to this I said " I didn't realise it was legal anywhere". To which her friend says "yes, the euthanasians have been practicing mercy killings for some time"!?!

I didn't have the heart to say anything.
Few years back, just before Xmas stand down, one of the lads asked me if I was going up to Scotland for Mahogany!
Are you coming for a couple of beers...

And also...

LT 'And for those going into the gym, youll have to go through me first'
Que laughter and offers to take him up on that...
T'was me I must admit.

After two years in Germany I commented how us scaleys always did well in the Morrison Cup football Competition.

It was gently pointed out to me that the competition was Royal Sigs only.
On another trip as tropps embarked on an RFA (Perce/Geraint /Trist whatever) at nighttime, sprog on being given a R angled torch and told to go on 2 hour submarine watch (ho ho, knowing grins from the "sweats") says - what am I looking for anyway? Jeez....
A friend of mine took over driving from the rapidly beginning to fall asleep Pte. After being back on the road for about 10 mins, Pte says, "Fcuk me Sarge, did I give you the rover keys, I cant find them"!
"N_T, you're only learning signlanguage so you can chat up blind girls aren't you."

Whilst driving passed a car crash in Warrington my mucca winces

"Fcukin ell crow, thats bad isnt it"

"Yeah mate There'll be a few claims getting put in there"

"Dya reckon? Nah i think people will just try and get compo out of it"

and whilst over in the sand pit.


"Dave you d1ckhead that was a shermuli"
After 4 Hours on the A2 heading for UK....spoken by a Scalyback Sprog we had on board.....

"Eh....This town Ausfahrt is a big feckin place innit?"
Telic 1 Rumala Bridge

"We heard shrapnel pinging off the 8m mast!!!!"

"No Curtis, that was the halyard......."
This is a missus one but i cant be Arrsed to find the right thread:

Giving the wife directions to the market.

Go straight down this road until you come to the first set of traffic light, turn left and its just on your right hand side.

10 mins later the phone rings " DARLING, I'M LOST ".
Camp Abu Shrapnel in Al Amarah, Telic 3, Inflatable accommodation;

Just packing kit away after a mortar strike;

Young VM Crafty asks; "Those mortars?"

Me; "Yes, what about them?"

Young VM Crafty; "Would they pierce the tent?"

Me; "WTF???" 8O :D 8O (Sound of ribs creaking under the strain and a kidney trying to pop out!)

He meant to ask how much damage one would do but totally fooked it up! Being the fine upstanding gent I am I swore I would never tell anyone. (I lasted about 5 seconds before I pegged it out of the tent and let someone know! For that I am sorry, my apologies Dan F****l!) Opps - did it again! :D :D :D

Another Telic Classic:

Chef at Abu Naji;

Chef; I'm really worried about those mortars!

Trooper 9/12L; I'd be more worried about the eight 47Kg gas bottles next to your position!

Chef; It's OK - we've turned them off!

:D 8O :D There goes the other kidney! :lol:

Watching Cradle of life a few weeks a go,

Mother; "Who's that then?"

Me; "Angelina Jolie"

Mother; "Oh right, she looks a bit like that Lara Croft!"



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