Whats the proudest moment of your life?

For me it was when I escaped from jail. Well the pig cells anyway. I got arrested for punching a dealer who was on my turf. The filth chased me down the alleyways and as I went round a corner I hid my wallet, phone, a bag of weed and all my ID behind a bin. I would have been able to outrun the filth but they had helecopters and everything after me.

When I got caught I kept my mouth shut and didn't say a word. I refused to give them my name and refused to speak. I had no ID on me and so they couldn't find out who I was. I used my one phone call to phone Benno and tell him where my gear was.

My escape was as follows. I had one of them blood sweets that you can buy from joke stores hidden up my arse. Afer about an hour in the cell, I took the blood sweet out of my arse, put it in my mouth and lay on the floor. I started to pretend to spasm on the floor as though I was dieing of something. When the pigs came in I then started to spit out the fake blood and made loads of gurgling sounds. I was unresponsive and was pretending to be dieing. The filth then called for an ambulance.

I was carried out the cells and into the ambulance and driven to hospital. One of the fuzz sat in the back of the ambulance (on guard) and there was one paramedic in aswell. Halfway to the hospital I sprang up and smacked the copper with a big right cross that sent him flying back and bounce off the ambulance wall. I then followed through with a left upercut that nearly took his head off. I grabbed his radio quickly to stop him calling for help ... but he was now unconsious. I then grabbed the paramedic and headbutted him in the nose. He fell to the ground in a heap. The driver was yelling but didn't stop so I opened the ambulance doors and jumped out into the road as it was still moving. I did a commando roll and legged it inside a pub. I met this girl in the pub and took her to a nearby club. Here I mingled in with the crowd until the end of the night ... when I went home with this bint and shagged her.

I spent the next month in hiding at Benno's gaff but was never caught.

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