Whats the most stupid job you have been given

#1
After another beer induced discussion we got on to the subject of shit jobs and the most stupid one you have been given.

Not actually given the job but watched some young Gunner in Germany get shouted at by the RSM to jail a bike that was in the CO's parking space. Poor lad started to wheel the bike over to the guardroom only to be shouted at again that as the bike was on its way to jail it should be doubled!
 
#2
Body guard to Farah Fawcet. Pain in the arse, she is a moody bitch. But the job was well paid.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#4
Spent the day pulling weeds around the tpt yard only to have the civvy contractor turn up with a spray rig.
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#5
Spent several hours sweeping the vehicle park, only for a road sweeper truck to come round about 10 minutes after we started.
 
#6
After another beer induced discussion we got on to the subject of shit jobs and the most stupid one you have been given.

Not actually given the job but watched some young Gunner in Germany get shouted at by the RSM to jail a bike that was in the CO's parking space. Poor lad started to wheel the bike over to the guardroom only to be shouted at again that as the bike was on its way to jail it should be doubled!
Once I was made to collect all the urban myths on camp and lock them away, unfortunately some escaped one night shortly after one of the sncos came in from a night on the lash and found a queue of blokes tag teaming the local bike, imagine his suprise when his turn came and it was his daughter, he ended up on defaulters and the rsm said "there's a peice of shit on the end of my pace stick" ...thats when all hell let loose.
 
#7
Told to brush the walls of the armoury and bunker to remove all of the flaking paint 'because it was unsightly'.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#8
Painting big fuck off rusty ships every day for 6 years, only to watch them all be scrapped was pretty soul destroying.

Sometimes the paint from the day before wouldn't even be dry when we came to whacking another coat on.
 
#9
to get a battalions worth of dead flies, ants, etc and arrange them in companies of a piece of board for the CSM to inspect on Monday, had all weekend to do it and still only managed two companies worth ..just
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#10
Painting big fuck off rusty ships every day for 6 years, only to watch them all be scrapped was pretty soul destroying.

Sometimes the paint from the day before wouldn't even be dry when we came to whacking another coat on.
Glad I stayed away from the navy then. Can't imagine the RAN being much better.
 
#12
Move large pile of coal, sweep area where coal used to be, move coal back to original position.

Mind you that was a punishment job for being a mong.

Stupid jobs that were seriously meant - re-painting parking space lines and names the day before the local stadt turned up and dug the whole carpark up for some sewer related job or other.


Just thought of another one.

A whole regiment worth of blokes being given shovels, pickaxes, bits of MFO box and the odd snow shovel and being told to remove the snow and ice from the square as there was going to be a parade.

You can imagine the enthusiasm :pissedoff:- we actually nearly removed the square never mind the ice and snow.
 
#13
being sent back to the mock up FOB at STANTA (i think) because the range bloke said the place was "in shit state", sadly due to the rain this was 2-3ft deep liquid mud. we found nothing, he looked at it again and said it was gleaming.

i hope the wee dick doesnt even get his 1% next year.
 
#15
Being made to wear cam cream on exercise when we had to put orange flashing hazard indicators round our antennae & on the top of our vehicles.

Being made to cam up vehicles in a complex when the complex itself was in a building with a glass roof with light shining through. When I pointed this out I was told it was against H&S policy to try & camouflage the roof, so we would just pretend we had done it.

Being made to mount a guard on a comms site even though it was within a Dutch missile base & guarded by the Cloggie Artillery. Upside of this one was that the guy stagging on was allowed to sit in the guardroom playing with a missile simulator, watching porn, eating etc & if anyone important came along had time by the time they had got through the gate to be back in his trench.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#16
Another stupid (and highly dangerous) one that springs to mind was being sent on to the focsle of a ship in horrendous weather to pick up spent 4.5'' brass.

Great fun, got soaking wet, practically caught hypothermia, nearly got swept overboard a couple of times and smashed both my knees on the deck after being knocked over by a fucking tidal wave. Luckily I was wearing a harness. Obviously a couple of spent cases 'accidentally' fell over the side.

The following week, I had the fun job of chucking all the remaining brass into the sea with the exception of one or two that I kept as umbrella stands.



Edited to add: And then we went and painted over everything. Again.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
#17
One of my last tasks as a Hussar was to parade for HRH The Princess Margaret, Colonel in Chief (Maggie to us, long before Mrs Thatcher tainted the name forever for millions) for the presentation of a new guidon. needless to say there was all the bullshit you'd expect when HMQ's sister was in town. Sweeping leaves, painting kerbstones, yada, yada, yada.

Completed my transfer out and was posted to 12 Armoured Penal Kindergarten - I mean Workshop REME - in a forest at the back of Mercer Bks, Traz, only to learn that Phil the Greek, HMQ's husband was coming to town.

"Ha, well at least nobody could be bone enough to order people to remove all the leaves from a forest in late autumn. After parading for Maggie a few months ago, this will be easy."

"WRONG! Sweep up the leaves."

Days pass.

"Right. I've denuded the forest around the Pay Office of leaves. what now?"

"Stand back while a cunningly-converted 4-tonner hoovers up the leaves."

"TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!"
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#18
One of my last tasks as a Hussar was to parade for HRH The Princess Margaret, Colonel in Chief (Maggie to us, long before Mrs Thatcher tainted the name forever for millions) for the presentation of a new guidon. needless to say there was all the bullshit you'd expect when HMQ's sister was in town. Sweeping leaves, painting kerbstones, yada, yada, yada.

Completed my transfer out and was posted to 12 Armoured Penal Kindergarten - I mean Workshop REME - in a forest at the back of Mercer Bks, Traz, only to learn that Phil the Greek, HMQ's husband was coming to town.

"Ha, well at least nobody could be bone enough to order people to remove all the leaves from a forest in late autumn. After parading for Maggie a few months ago, this will be easy."

"WRONG! Sweep up the leaves."

Days pass.

"Right. I've denuded the forest around the Pay Office of leaves. what now?"

"Stand back while a cunningly-converted 4-tonner hoovers up the leaves."

"TWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!"
Not stupid, quite ingenious in fact.

While playing footy on a slippery leaf filled pitch, an RN Lynx landed nearby and we noticed that where it had landed, all the leaves had been dispersed leaving a fresh playing area.

A quick chat with the pilot and 2 minutes later we had our own flying leaf blower clearing up the pitch for us.
 
#19
I have been sent out to sweep leaves in high winds.
After 20 minutes I couldn't see what difference I was making and then noticed that I was the only thick sprog still trying, everyone else had already skived off to the red shield cafe for an extended NAAFI break.
 
#20
Another stupid (and highly dangerous) one that springs to mind was being sent on to the focsle of a ship in horrendous weather to pick up spent 4.5'' brass.

Great fun, got soaking wet, practically caught hypothermia, nearly got swept overboard a couple of times and smashed both my knees on the deck after being knocked over by a fucking tidal wave. Luckily I was wearing a harness. Obviously a couple of spent cases 'accidentally' fell over the side.

The following week, I had the fun job of chucking all the remaining brass into the sea with the exception of one or two that I kept as umbrella stands.



Edited to add: And then we went and painted over everything. Again.
Cracking photo!
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top