Whats the most mongish thing you have done in DIY?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BlotBangRub, Aug 7, 2007.

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  1. Perhaps other ARRSERS share my inability to complete DIY tasks correctly?

    Confession time, what is the most mongish thing you have done trying to improve your house/car etc?

    I am sure I have probably done worse, but I recently built a load of flat-pack stuff.

    1. I built my new swivel chair and managed to leave all the washers off and then when I realised this, I couldn't be arsed to redo it. (This is fairly embarrassing, as I used to be a supervising aircraft technician) One arm is already falling off. Good luck those in Lynx and Gazelles.

    2. I built my beautiful oak veneer bedroom furniture, no problems apart from when I was ‘gently’ hammering in the wooden dowel things and I accidentally hit too hard and not only ensured the dowel was sufficiently secure in its pre-drilled hole, but managed to knock it right through the entire piece, and had it sticking out through the now effing ruined veneer. Twice.

    3. I opened my new dining chair boxes with a knife (even though it specifically instructed me in big letters not to) and managed to slash two of the seat covers.

    Any other DIY mongs out there?

    Be honest and share your failures.

    As with all my threads, posted in full anticipation if it ending up in the ‘hole’. :cry:
  2. I'm generally quite competent at this sort of thing but recently...

    Thought a chrome towel rail would make a stylish rail for the shower curtain. Went to some trouble fitting it.
    Then realised that the shower curtain wasn't long enough to reach the bath from that high up!
    Two weeks of hunting for longer shower curtains later, Mrs Ex STAB came home with an ordinary shower rail kit. I took the hint and fitted it right away!
  3. Cow

    Cow LE

    Whilst building a flat pack dvd rack I had to drill the holes to get the dowelling in. I wondered why the screws didn't hold the base ath the other end securely. It was all upside down and I'd trashed it.
  4. DIY. Can't do it and won't do it. I am so hopelessly inept I got my father to drive 40mins to put a picture up for me. In fact, right now I got a picture waiting for him to come round next to me. If I did it myself it would have been a disaster. I don't even know how to wire a plug!

    My father is only slightly less hopeless. He made a hole for a letterbox in a door and couldnt quite get the size right. We ended up with a hole so big you could put a shoe box through easily. He had to buy a new door.
  5. I tried a DIY tracheoptomy on a passerby, who didn't actually need one.

    The police wondered why I had my penis lodged firmly in her throat, and didn't see the funny side that she was choking..

    I'm currently doing a first aid course and have learnt that the above procedures shouldn't involve me climaxing and that my insertion of veiny treat isn't a recognised method of resusitation
  6. Mong :D
  7. I too tried giving a fainted 21 year old E.A.R. When asked what i was doing by another passer by, I explained, to which I was informed I had the wrong end....
  8. I was cleaning the windows on the top of a conservatory when I was younger and neglected to anchor the ladder with something suitably heavy. Cue ladder slipping away from under me, my grabbing in desperation at the gutter to slow my fall whilst simultaneously kicking the falling ladder into the door, successfully taking a large chunk out of it...

    Lucky it wan't my conservatory but the neighbours! Even luckier that they were out at the time... They still paid me as I artfully concealed the damage and they were none the wiser :)
  9. Gave my wife a 'household' toolkit for Xmas once. :x
  10. I fixed the microwave a few years back that wasnt turning the base at all. After stripping it all down and spending an hour getting the mechanism to work correctly I put it all back together and beamed as I started it and everything worked ok. In awe of my achievement I showed the father in law (who was visiting) until after about a minute of watchng it operate there was a sudden smell of burning and a loads of sparks.
    The wife then walked in from the other room and said have you forgotten something and pointed to the fan unit (about 2" squared) that Id forgotten to put back in(no wonder it went back together so easy) :oops:
  11. Dropped and smashed the glass of the coffee table I was building. bugg3r!
  12. Built a wardrobe unit. IT WORKED....

    Until I opened the door, the whole unit leaned to one side and crashed to the ground! I blame it on the drugs!
  13. I did the same to stop her (mine, not yours) nicking my screwdrivers and leaving them in stupid places. Nothing has changed - if I can't fix it with a Swiss Army knife, it doesn't get done.

    She has now taken over as the household DIYer (excluding flat-pack :) ), usually creating mayhem while I'm away. Her classic was to gloss-paint over the woodchip on the wall of the Living Room "I thought it was odd that I had to go out and get another two tins. My arm is really aching with all the brushing." The best part was that we had a water leak some time later and being insurance-covered, we had the redecoration done by a local builder. His fixed-price quote was based on having all the repairs and redecoration done in a week - it took him longer than that to get the woodchip off!

    My own contribution is not so much a bloomer as going overboard. I must have the only concrete shed base that's close on 2' thick. Hand-mixing that much concrete was a bit of a struggle. That was 3 years ago and I haven't got round to getting a shed yet.
  14. DIY = Destroy It Yourself
  15. i have now spat beer all over my computer thankyou very much.