What's the best worst lie you've told or heard?

[RTU'd]

You hold a PPL and can neither spell or speak English? The footy player wasn't so dozy after all.

Oh sorry you must have been an Officer?
My Engrish is as good as the next youth on the block, Rupert.

 

[sirbhp]

Vote for me and well make Britain great again .

 

[target_stop]

"And when the guardroom lights were switched on it was actually the platoons sergeant daughter"

 

[bob_the_bomb]

I once told someone I was a commercial pilot when all I held was a PPL with Night Rating.
It was for a dozy footballer though that wanted to pay me £4k to get them up to the North West.
The ended up get a taxi up their as they thought it would look cooler to arrive in a merc.

David Ibbotson walt

 

[Albertous]

Oh sorry you must have been an Officer?
My Engrish is as good as the next youth on the block, Rupert.

. . . . . . . . . "Rupert, Sir" is the correct way to address an officer.

 

[PuriPuriManTumas]

Haha, brazen, I pretended to be an Auzzie when questioned by the RMP in Aya Napa Square. I was with 3 Australian Civvy Police mates at the time. Working the Buffer Zone in Nicosia. Don’t ya know an Auzzie when ya see one cobba! Bloody drongo!

Ahem ... “..ss..”, if yer don’t mind!

 

[AULD_SWEAT]

It was like that when I got here Chief...

 

[PuriPuriManTumas]

Bloke went scuba diving and he said he saw something on the bottom of the sea, it was a submarine so he went for a closer look. When he got there he said there was a bloke waving at him through one of the portholes/windows ushering him over. When he got there the sailor gestured to the front of of sub where a torpedo was hanging out, so this bloke lifted it up and pushed it back in, the sailor gave him the thumbs up and he went on his merry way. absolute bollocks

... and that’s one of the symptoms of being ‘narced’ ... but they won’t admit it! Or, just bullsh1t.

 

[Bogie_Bear]

"Mummy and daddy will be back to check on you in an hour kids, we're only next door in the tapas restaurant......"

 

[Smeggers]

"Honest Officer, the sheep was stuck in the barbed wire, I removed my trousers to avoid them getting dirty"

 

[O Zangado]

i love yew longtime

Alternatively, "Mi laikim yu. Mi hot hia", to me from a dusky maiden (?) in Goroka, PNG.

OZ

 

[Kinch]

Alternatively, "Mi laikim yu. Mi hot hia", to me from a dusky maiden (?) in Goroka, PNG.

OZ

I once asked a guy to translate for me to a stunning Russian girl. I said, tell her I think she is beautiful.
He said "On khochet trakhnut' tebya"
Apparently it means "He wants to shag you"

 

[clothears]

December 1st. -- The unit will be closed from Dec. 24 - 30. How do you want to be paid? Use vacation, etc.

December 18 -- Oh, we'll be doing 18 extra surgeries on December 24th. Who's working?

Admin is off December 24-30. Nursing is deemed to have no life or plans and can have their life shifted on a whim.

 

[kelvin_273]

I once asked a guy to translate for me to a stunning Russian girl. I said, tell her I think she is beautiful.
He said "On khochet trakhnut' tebya"
Apparently it means "He wants to shag you"

Something like this....