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What's the best worst lie you've told or heard?

I once told someone I was a commercial pilot when all I held was a PPL with Night Rating.
It was for a dozy footballer though that wanted to pay me £4k to get them up to the North West.
The ended up get a taxi up their as they thought it would look cooler to arrive in a merc.

David Ibbotson walt
 
Oh sorry you must have been an Officer?
My Engrish is as good as the next youth on the block, Rupert.
. . . . . . . . . "Rupert, Sir" is the correct way to address an officer.
 

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