What's Purple and doesn't fit right?

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by Ritch, Aug 25, 2011.

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  1. ... A Dead Epileptic.

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    My wife said to me 'I don't know if I'm coming or going'.
    I said 'you must be going cos when you're coming you look like a mong trying to whistle'!

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    A beautiful Thai girl sat opposite me on the train today. I crossed my legs and thought 'Please don't get an erection, please dont get an erection' .....but she did...!

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    An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.

    He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

    Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.

    As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

    The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

    This goes on for 5 nights.

    On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

    She asks him where he's from in Australia.

    "Melbourne", he tells her.

    "So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

    "Glen Iris" he replies.

    "That's amazing," she says excitedly, "so am I – what street?"

    "Cameo Street" he replies.

    "This is unbelievable........." she says, her voice quavering; "What number?"

    "Number 20", he replies.

    She is totally astonished. "You are NOT going to believe this,†she screams, "but I'm from
    number 22! My parents still live there!"

    "I know..." he says,
    "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. What's blue and doesn't fit.........a dead epileptic. Get it right.




    What's blue and fucks old people?
     
  3. Hypothermia
     
  4. Nope.......me in my lucky blue suit
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    whats the difference between pink and purple? The strength of her grip.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. What's pink and smells of holly?
     
  7. No, this:

    [​IMG]

    You sick cnut!
     
  8. Q: What's brown and sits on a wall?

    A: Humpty Dump.

    I thangyouu!!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. JPA?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. If we're going to be pedantic it's "What's cyanosed and doesn't fit..."
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. This is the Sick Jokes forum... what do you expect.

    "What's the difference between a Rolls-Royce and a pile of Dead Babies?"

    ... I don't have a Rolls-Royce in my garage.