What's happened to my body?

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
Obviously you need to start seeing your boyfriend again as the turd lubrication is wearing off. :cuddle:
 
Sounds like SHAG, a combo of Syphilis, Herpes, AIDS and Gonorrhoea. The treatment is pancakes, pizza and poppadums. They won't cure you but it will be all we can slide under the door to your locked room, you dirty b'stard
 
If your sh¡t turns orange, you're anaemic. Take iron tablets (high dosage on prescription). Watch your sh¡t turn jet black. Eat a high iron diet, enjoy dark turds daily (to pass, not to eat, obviously).
Now you tell me!
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Sounds like SHAG, a combo of Syphilis, Herpes, AIDS and Gonorrhoea. The treatment is pancakes, pizza and poppadums. They won't cure you but it will be all we can slide under the door to your locked room, you dirty b'stard

You forgot the after eight mints.
 
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
The problem is that someone taught guardsmen to swim...
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer

Endoscope

War Hero
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
When pancreatic cancer spreads, it often goes to the liver. This can also cause jaundice. ... Also, if bile andpancreatic enzymes can't get through to the intestines to help break down fats, the stools can become greasy and might float in the toilet

You're screwed mate... boots?
 

anglo

LE
What about ghost shits? When you sit and feel the wonderful release of what feels like a fair sized log, then, when you stand and turn around to inspect it............. nothing. Nada. Zip.
It's done the dive of death round the U bend
 

Endoscope

War Hero
Is that raddled old turd-botherer still making her poo pronouncements?
Numerous dieting and lifestyle plans supported by McKeith, such as the concept of the detox diet and the value of colonic irrigation, are not supported by scientific research, nor are her claims that through examining people's tongues and stool samples she can identify their ailments and dietary needs.[5][6][7]McKeith possesses no qualifications in nutrition or medicine from accredited institutions, and in 2007 agreed with the Advertising Standards Authority to stop using the title "Doctor".

A snake oil salesperson and attention seeking media whore I believe
 
What about ghost shits? When you sit and feel the wonderful release of what feels like a fair sized log, then, when you stand and turn around to inspect it............. nothing. Nada. Zip.
Can't you utilise your previous skill set to assist you here?

"Re-verify our range to target... one ping only."

"Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please."

Sent from my SM-G973F using Tapatalk
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
.... Bejasus,.......what happened to the other two?
Got a job chopping down trees?

Actually that wouldn't work if there were only two.

Bollocks.
 

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