What's happened to my body?

Mattb

LE
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
 
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
Without wishing to alarm you, it is much worse than Bad AIDS.

Your description of the symptoms is almost word for word the exact description of the primary Bad COVAIDS -19, 20 and 21. I’m sorry but may I suggest that you don’t pay in advance for a quarterly subscription to 'Living with Bad AIDs Weekly anything.

Boots?
 
D

Deleted 164106

Guest
It always used to be that I delievered perfectly decent turds to the bowl, firm and decently-sized. They'd lay there for a few minutes whilst I finished a spot of light reading, and then away they'd go on their adventures in plumbing.

However, in the past few years they seem to have become hugely recalcitrant. What would flush away with a single pull of the lever now requires the Ark Royal, King George V and Rodney to get rid of. So why have they become so floaty? I don't think that my diet, etc has changed significantly.

Is it Bad AIDS?
It's the first stage of becoming a Corbyn supporter.

Sh*t that won't disappear.
 
I went through a similar phase quite a few years ago. No amount of flushing would despatch the log to the depths below.
It simply went away eventually and my stools reverted to their earlier mass.
Boots size just in case?
 

Chef

LE
If you've been substituting air gun pellets for sugar on your cornflakes that might be the problem.
 
ghey
 
It’s the water in your bog. The Chinese, who have taken over the water industry have been putting Mexican beer in to the water supply because it’s cheaper than water. People have been dying. You can tell when your house has been connected to a supply of corona because turds float in lager.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
If your sh¡t turns orange, you're anaemic. Take iron tablets (high dosage on prescription). Watch your sh¡t turn jet black. Eat a high iron diet, enjoy dark turds daily (to pass, not to eat, obviously).
 
If your sh¡t turns orange, you're anaemic. Take iron tablets (high dosage on prescription). Watch your sh¡t turn jet black. Eat a high iron diet, enjoy dark turds daily (to pass, not to eat, obviously).

What do I do if an orange shit starts to run a country?
 
Now I have a combination of both.
Some which are more buoyant than an RNLI lifeboat, then others which are so dense and heavy its like dropping a depth charge into the pan, and when flushed the impact of it hitting the sewer is felt through the floor of the house.

I blame swmbo and her cooking.
 
What about ghost shits? When you sit and feel the wonderful release of what feels like a fair sized log, then, when you stand and turn around to inspect it............. nothing. Nada. Zip.
 

Actingunpaid

Old-Salt
Nothing to do with the turds,all to do with the EU.All toilet cisterns now only refill to the Greta level so as to be environmentally sound.Once the Evil Empire's regulations are reduced to detritus,we can once again,as proud British men,flush the most gigantic floaters anywhere.
God Save the Queen
 
Sixteen pints of lager, a vindaloo and the strongest coffee you can drink the next morning should sort it
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
What about ghost shits? When you sit and feel the wonderful release of what feels like a fair sized log, then, when you stand and turn around to inspect it............. nothing. Nada. Zip.
Is there a cammed up bloke with a shovel in your bog?
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer

Hexi Bloke

Old-Salt
What about ghost shits? When you sit and feel the wonderful release of what feels like a fair sized log, then, when you stand and turn around to inspect it............. nothing. Nada. Zip.
Thats the work of a 'Turd Burglar'
 

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