Phhhhh...it's like nuthin' else, maaan. You're up there, with your buddies, buzzin' along with Led Zep blastin' outa the headset, BV whistlin' at your back....your red moleskins flutterin' from the turret....when all of a sudden...
KaPOW! Woah, man, what was thaaat? Sheee-it, so then you're like on the Gimpy, and it's all like Daka-daka-daka-daka!, and you're like 'Wooaaah!', yeah, get sum, you mothers, yeah!
And then, this like, hu-uge RPG comes flyin' outa this window, and it's comin' like right for you, but woah, it's hit the bergan hangin' on the outside of the Beast man, and it goes like 'KaBOOM', an' all your gear and Horse and Hound magazines are like, just shredded, y'know.
And then, you see this tasty SSA like, being captured, by the Eyerakis, and you're like 'woah, didn't we do it last week!', an' she's like 'yeah, you and half your Sqn, dude', so you like drive over there and put her down on the seat between your legs, and it's like really cool to get a BJ off an AGC chick while you're like, blastin' every mutha that moves, dude!
An then, you see those Eyerakis have got hold of TOP SECRET material - it's not codes, man, it's like that book, that was in the bar, which you put names of who you'd fcuked from the Pay Office in, dude! An' the Major's like 'woah - get that book back, maan, my wife's gunna kill me!' An' you're like sure, man, so you jam the barrel down the Eyeraki's ass and he gets a HESH enema, and there's like, goddamn bits everywhere....an'...
Oh God, man, you don't know, you weren't there, man! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
And if you haven't guessed by the above account, neither was I. Although I am assured that the above is 99% accurate. Apart from the Horse and Hounds bit - it's actually Country Life.
God, y'know, well, it's like...well, y'know....if y'aint bin there, y'aint.
**What a feckin STUPID question**
And apparently having served in many 'combat situations' as our chum would say, probably entitles me to write an unbelievably shite book, called 'Oscar One One' or 'The Really Really Quiet Soldier' or 'How I Managed To Serve in the World's Finest SF Unit and Then Broke the OSA to Make a Bit of Money' or.... (repeat ad nauseam)
Personally, I think the only way to get to know about something is to experience it. You could indeed collaborate with a few mates, get inside a biffa bin, and have them smack silly fcuk out of it with baseball bats to simulate life in the Armd Inf.
If you were interested in joining the RMP, why not step into the road outside your house, stop any passing car and ask the driver where he or she is going.
When he or she answers that they are going to the garage at the end of the road, you know the one, left at the lights and past the mini-Tescos, look you can almost see it from here...take a deep breath, sigh, take one step away from the car and do the Sandhurst point while saying authoritatively - 'No Sir/Ma'am. It is LEFT at the Lights. Then it is PAST the mini-Tescos. Look, you can almost SEE it from here. Anyway, where are your packet details?'
Then congratulate yoursel on a job well done. Go next door and help the neighbour investigate who broke into his shed. Spend two days gathering fingerprint evidence, plaster casts of footprints, and photos. Then lose it all on your way back to your house.
Or, if you wanted to be an RAF mover, hack down the nearest bus stop, and replace timetable with a sign saying 'All pax report to <insert your address here> at 0346hrs.'
Wait until there are about 40 people crammed into your living room. Dismiss out of hand anyone who arrives at 0347 hrs. Insist on calling any distinguished older gentlemen 'pal' and 'mate'. Insist on a random check of one in five shopping bags. If you find sunflower oil, confiscate immediately on the grounds that RAF a/c (or buses) cannot carry combustible materials of any kind whatsoever, whenever, wherever.
Wait 5 hrs.
Ask bus driver if he wants to watch Trish and spent a couple more hours lying in the bed you made up for him last night. He will say yes.
Return to living room and say: 'Scuse ranks, fellas, crew safety issues. Report back at 0246 tomorrow morning.'
Anyone else think of ways to get mil work experience without leaving home?