Whatever happened to the Batting service

#1
Time was when an officer could leave his boots and uniform outisde his room of an evening to find it all spick and span in the morning, having been awolen with alovely cup of piping hot tea. For a few quid one had ones bed made and room tidied and by arrangement a chap would ervn do your laundry. Its all gone down the drain nowadays, you're lucky not to be mugged in the mess corridir!!
 
#4
Fallschirmjager said:
I think it has slowly dawned on soldiers that officers are complete cunts.

Except Para Regt ones of course! :D
Indeed. Things usually dawn on Para Regt more slowly than everyone else.
 
#5
ViroBono said:
Indeed. Things usually dawn on Para Regt more slowly than everyone else.
As i have been told on many occasions, funnily enough only over the internet! The DS in Brecon and all other courses must be really biased considering Para Regt seem to always come top or not far off top of nearly every course which is ran. :)
 
#6
Paras are good at running around Brecon. Great. And that proves what? They can do gravity and one other thing. I am impressed.

We still have a batting service - but it is a bit pants. Mad old women who can't clean very well have to be employed somewhere I guess. Shame we can't get the Polish immigrants in as replacements.
 
#7
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
Paras are good at running around Brecon. Great. And that proves what? They can do gravity and one other thing. I am impressed.
It proves we are obviously good at doing our job. Something you probably know nothing about you fucking bellend. Now fuckoff and annoy someone else you cock.
 
#8
Ohh - you get your plonker pulled and it all kicks off - small man?

This is the Officer's Mess - I'd ask you to keep such 'Tom' behaviour in the NAAFI or Brecon or wherever the Paras are being useful this month.
 
#9
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
Ohh - you get your plonker pulled and it all kicks off - small man?

This is the Officer's Mess - I'd ask you to keep such 'Tom' behaviour in the NAAFI or Brecon or wherever the Paras are being useful this month.
Do you not realise how you portray yourself by posting such drivel. If you are an officer i'm sure many officers on this forum must be of the opinion that you are in a minority. i.e. a cock. I'm sure many officers hold my regiment in high esteem.
 
#10
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
We still have a batting service - but it is a bit pants. Mad old women who can't clean very well have to be employed somewhere I guess. Shame we can't get the Polish immigrants in as replacements.
Been to High Wycombe recently? Last time I checked the mess staff were all from east of the Rhine.

Stafford used to be good, there were only 6 or 7 livers in so the staff could still provide you with a cup of tea in the morning. There are rumours from the dark days of the Cold War that for a tip (left beside your bed in the morning) some of the less rsatrained members of the mess staff would wake you up with a casual spot of fellatio.
 

The_Duke

LE
Moderator
#11
It's mega in the Paras...every meal a banquet, every payday a fortune...

And we were lucky if the washing machines and showers worked in the mess, let alone a batting service.

Mind you, they never worked in the SNCOs mess or Jnr ranks blocks either, so at last we were consistent!
 
#12
Bat_Crab said:
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
We still have a batting service - but it is a bit pants. Mad old women who can't clean very well have to be employed somewhere I guess. Shame we can't get the Polish immigrants in as replacements.
Been to High Wycombe recently? Last time I checked the mess staff were all from east of the Rhine.

Stafford used to be good, there were only 6 or 7 livers in so the staff could still provide you with a cup of tea in the morning. There are rumours from the dark days of the Cold War that for a tip (left beside your bed in the morning) some of the less rsatrained members of the mess staff would wake you up with a casual spot of fellatio.
How did they get past the SC checks etc?
 
#14
I'm offering a batting service ... it involves a cricket bat with a nail in it! You fcuking James Blunt!!
 
#15
WhiteHorse said:
Bat_Crab said:
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
We still have a batting service - but it is a bit pants. Mad old women who can't clean very well have to be employed somewhere I guess. Shame we can't get the Polish immigrants in as replacements.
Been to High Wycombe recently? Last time I checked the mess staff were all from east of the Rhine.

Stafford used to be good, there were only 6 or 7 livers in so the staff could still provide you with a cup of tea in the morning. There are rumours from the dark days of the Cold War that for a tip (left beside your bed in the morning) some of the less rsatrained members of the mess staff would wake you up with a casual spot of fellatio.
How did they get past the SC checks etc?
I can't imagine they do much more than a rudimentary security check, they work for SERCO, the mess is outside of the wire and is not exactly a harbour of national secrets. I presume the cleaners in CAOC 9 are more stringently assessed!
 
#16
An excellent point.

I don't miss the cup of tea in the morning, as the embarrassment of waking up naked "ready for action" with a stinking hangover then looking round and seeing a cup of tea next to you was a terrible feeling.

I miss the laundry and boot cleaning services though.

I was on a course a while ago and was "terribly unwell" all over my room after a sesh on the red wine. I went cap in hand to the mess staff to get some cleaning utensils and they told me that they would happily clean it up for £30! Money well spent.

On another point -

I think it's a bit out of order that the enlisted men are entering the officers' forum and throwing insults. They are more than welcome to contribute, but should not lower the tone.
 
#17
Bat_Crab said:
There are rumours from the dark days of the Cold War that for a tip (left beside your bed in the morning) some of the less rsatrained members of the mess staff would wake you up with a casual spot of fellatio.
Known at Goose Bay, apparently, as the "Gobbling TeasMaid"...
 
#18
Contractorisation - that's what happened to the batting service.

If you read the contract it does say that an officer should be awoken with a cup of tea, and that they should be able to leave a pair of shoes and a shirt out for cleaning and ironing (not the shoes before anyone starts!) on a daily basis. Also, if you wish to dine with silver service on a weekend, you should be able to do it even if the mess staff moan like mad about how inconvenient this is.

How many of the contractors actually provide this service? Not many, yet they are being paid to provide this service under the terms of the contract.

Perhaps a thread should be started about how appalling the mess service has become, though I doubt there is enough bandwidth.
 
#20
Officially there is still a batting service at the Wilton Mess. Not tried it for effectiveness - probably fine for the ironing but less than sparkling (apols for deliberate pun) on the shoes.
 

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