Whatever happened to (insert ARRSE member here)?

QUOTE="Boris_Johnson, post: 9341343, member: 52230"
You are a career civilian and therefore are susceptible to getting high blood pressure over parking spaces at work,
Nope. Albeit I do have age related high blood pressure. Our office has loads of parking, and if there wasn't a space I'd just fvck off home with my laptop,

get signed off sick for having more than one email to open per day,
One per day! As many as that? [I don't work, I don't get paid, have had 3 weeks off sick in 25 years]

cry openly with no shame, talk to your neighbours about "the weather",
If it's sunny the MX5 comes out, if not, it's the Merc. I'm in love with Carol Kirkwood so BBC weather is compulsory TV.
Haven't cried since I was 11.


discuss X-Factor and Coronation Street with work colleagues,
Never watched either. In fact, I rarely watch TV other than films. I'd rather eat my kids than watch any reality TV or soap opera.

make love to women instead of ruining them,
Been married 20 years. What is sex?

call people by their first names, invent isms to be offended by, turn up late to shit and expect to get overtime pay for dragging your heels over replying to that single email...
I only get paid for what I do and invoice. I'm one of the directors.
If you don't want to get called by your first name / nickname, don't talk to me.
I address everyone up to Colonel by first name because I can.


...you have probably never set fire to a trail of bog roll hanging out your arse,
Guilty as charged. Although I have lit a fart.

danced on a stage in a nightclub bollock-naked,
Nope, don't do nightclubs and I can hold my drink.

drank your own chunder,
Nope, I'm pleased to say

forced someone junior to yourself to do the same,
Nope, I make them earn money for me instead.

let rip in someone else's maggot,
In English please? Sleeping bag? If so no, I prefer hotels with beds thanks.

cocked co-workers / your boss on the phone,
Had to be physically restrained from lamping one subordinate with a shovel and also restrained from kicking the sh!t out of another subordinate when I worked for Shell. In my younger days.

shat in someone else's footwear
No, but filled someone's boots with Swarfega on a few occasions.

or knocked one out during work time.
Have on numerous occasions. :p Because I can.

In short - you're a snowflake (by comparison).



I'm more of a hailstone than a snowflake.
Shanter.
 
QUOTE="Boris_Johnson, post: 9341343, member: 52230"
You are a career civilian and therefore are susceptible to getting high blood pressure over parking spaces at work,
Nope. Albeit I do have age related high blood pressure. Our office has loads of parking, and if there wasn't a space I'd just fvck off home with my laptop,

get signed off sick for having more than one email to open per day,
One per day! As many as that? [I don't work, I don't get paid, have had 3 weeks off sick in 25 years]

cry openly with no shame, talk to your neighbours about "the weather",
If it's sunny the MX5 comes out, if not, it's the Merc. I'm in love with Carol Kirkwood so BBC weather is compulsory TV.
Haven't cried since I was 11.


discuss X-Factor and Coronation Street with work colleagues,
Never watched either. In fact, I rarely watch TV other than films. I'd rather eat my kids than watch any reality TV or soap opera.

make love to women instead of ruining them,
Been married 20 years. What is sex?

call people by their first names, invent isms to be offended by, turn up late to shit and expect to get overtime pay for dragging your heels over replying to that single email...
I only get paid for what I do and invoice. I'm one of the directors.
If you don't want to get called by your first name / nickname, don't talk to me.
I address everyone up to Colonel by first name because I can.


...you have probably never set fire to a trail of bog roll hanging out your arse,
Guilty as charged. Although I have lit a fart.

danced on a stage in a nightclub bollock-naked,
Nope, don't do nightclubs and I can hold my drink.

drank your own chunder,
Nope, I'm pleased to say

forced someone junior to yourself to do the same,
Nope, I make them earn money for me instead.

let rip in someone else's maggot,
In English please? Sleeping bag? If so no, I prefer hotels with beds thanks.

cocked co-workers / your boss on the phone,
Had to be physically restrained from lamping one subordinate with a shovel and also restrained from kicking the sh!t out of another subordinate when I worked for Shell. In my younger days.

shat in someone else's footwear
No, but filled someone's boots with Swarfega on a few occasions.

or knocked one out during work time.
Have on numerous occasions. :p Because I can.

In short - you're a snowflake (by comparison).



I'm more of a hailstone than a snowflake.
The fact that you took the time and effort to answer in detail confirms your snowflake status. The correct reply of course being (in Russian) “Fück Offski”
 
Yes I was one of those who had "Westpoint likes this" in my signature block for a while.

Rather than a PM he asked in a thread "would you mind removing Westpoint likes this from your signature block please?"

I said, "since you asked so nicely, no problem"

What does the silly ****** do? "Likes" my response.

Back then of course, rather than a number, the first few likes would say who'd liked it - a bit like FaceAche "Westpoint, Boris_Johnson, TheresaMay and 54 others like this"
I've still got the mug. Can't remember who had them made up now, but there were only about 10 or so of them. I'll take some photos of it if I can find it.
 
Not one of my better ones but still made me snigger. STAB in the Office was my clowning glory.
Gareth was my hero.

What happened to all the other xtranormal vids that you and MDN produced?
 
I've still got the mug. Can't remember who had them made up now, but there were only about 10 or so of them. I'll take some photos of it if I can find it.
Still got the mug? You still owe me a potato head badge that you offered to me in return for a donation to the Alcoholic Skeletons with Osteoporosis charity. Remember?
 
I've still got the mug. Can't remember who had them made up now, but there were only about 10 or so of them. I'll take some photos of it if I can find it.
Just to make it clear for the more faint of heart.... She means take photos of the coffee mug.... Not her own mug.

I know, I know, many of you got all excited and worked up but it's time for you to take your meds and calm down again.

The site can't handle more photos of the Snail. :p
 
Still got the mug? You still owe me a potato head badge that you offered to me in return for a donation to the Alcoholic Skeletons with Osteoporosis charity. Remember?
I've still got the mug, but no idea where all my ARRSE coins and badges and pins have gone. They're probably in a box, in a box, in the box room, which is full of boxes.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
I've still got the mug, but no idea where all my ARRSE coins and badges and pins have gone. They're probably in a box, in a box, in the box room, which is full of boxes.
In 2016 you gave me all your spares because of the good time we had at the Tercentenary.

I could give you them back. They live with my underwear.
 
I've still got the mug, but no idea where all my ARRSE coins and badges and pins have gone. They're probably in a box, in a box, in the box room, which is full of boxes.
Ah. You have neatly boxed that off then. Nice to see people thinking
outside inside the box.
 
Possibly only for those with Mod permissions. I get the thread in the address bar (Our countries are controlled by jews) but "You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action."
 

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