What Your Car & Other Inanimate Objects collect and Know About You.

Surprising really when you read up on it.

 
My car knows that others drivers are cünts, cyclists are cünts, pedestrians are cünts, dogs of pedestrians are cünts, this roads a cünt, the weathers a cünt, the radios a cünt and what are you doing you fücking stupid car, I never asked for that.

Now if someone can get a marketing angle out of that, well done them.
 

mrdude

War Hero
My car knows that others drivers are cünts, cyclists are cünts, pedestrians are cünts, dogs of pedestrians are cünts, this roads a cünt, the weathers a cünt, the radios a cünt and what are you doing you fücking stupid car, I never asked for that.

Now if someone can get a marketing angle out of that, well done them.
My car knows remainers are cünts, it also knows that JC, D Flabbot and the rest of the Labour Party front benches are cünts & Traitors.
 
My car knows that others drivers are cünts, cyclists are cünts, pedestrians are cünts, dogs of pedestrians are cünts, this roads a cünt, the weathers a cünt, the radios a cünt and what are you doing you fücking stupid car, I never asked for that.

Now if someone can get a marketing angle out of that, well done them.
They have it's called a Mercedes C class
 

Mike Barton

War Hero
As the little girl said to her mum when out for a drive, "Mummy, how come there's never any stupid fukkin cants and arrseholes whenever you're driving?"
 

NSP

LE
My car knows that, despite being a Peugeot* and thus derided by Clarkson, Hammond and the other one, it can take on a fucktonne of water and win. Mostly...

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This one is so dark because the headlights are completely immersed. The air intake for the engine is just to right of the left-hand headlight and level with the top of it. Little darlin' still thudded on, though. Hell of a machine...!
Floods_20191219_19.jpg


It'll even stand sliding off the road into a flooded ditch and then being pulled back on to it by some agriculturalists in a tractor...
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It didn't think much of being forced to reverse out of some deep water because some twat had abandoned their care high and dry in the middle of the lane instead of turning around or dumping it in the adjacent gateway or on the verge, though...
Floods_20191219_25.jpg


What it knows at the moment is, "I'm still a bit damp in here hence the musty smell."



* And not a big one, either - 5-dr 208, 1.2l 3-cyl 82BHP.
 

BopBopBop

War Hero
In the olden days, before smartphones, the only way us cops could access the internet was to call into police premises and use a desktop.

An attractive, senior, female officer called into our office and asked to use our desktop. We logged her in and left her alone with a brew.

About an hour after she left I accessed the machine. When it woke up her email login screen was still open.....

chestyblond@*****

Unfortunately we could not recover the password.
 
The moment when you prefer the voice of your car satnav than your nagging missus.



Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
My lad asked his mum what a "Fecking W. anker" was. It's what daddy calls all the other people in cars.

Little twat that he is.
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
My lad asked his mum what a "Fecking W. anker" was. It's what daddy calls all the other people in cars.

Little twat that he is.
Funny that, every time I comment on a driver in front of me, my boy says, “yeh he’s driving like a complete ******” and bursts out laughing, closely followed by myself.
Hes a good lad though as he only says It when we are by ourselves. His mum would have a fit and give me a right bollocking for encouraging him.
 

Fake Sheikh

War Hero
Mate, Ex RAF taught his then 3 yr old daughter to give the finger if he said "that driver is a right mong"
All went well until she gave the finger to an unmarked police car & they pulled him over.

His wife normally very calm had a melt down, ended punching mate in groin, calling him every swear word she knew & had to be stopped by plod from hitting hubby more!!

Plod decided on words of advice, mate had time to address his wounds on the spare bed for a week.

His daughter now Plod herself thinks it was so funny, we have told her to nick her father for various crimes from walking on the cracks of the pavement, walking in a funny way & for being ex RAF to no avail so far.
 
My car now has a complete genetic profile of me after I left vast quantities of my right hand inside it trying to change a headlight bulb from inside the front wheel arch.

It was that or dismantle half of the engine.
Thanks a bunch Vauxhall*



*Yes, it could be argued it's my own fault.
 
My lad asked his mum what a "Fecking W. anker" was. It's what daddy calls all the other people in cars.

Little twat that he is.
It’s tricky the mimicking thing.
A family friend has a house in a leafy culdesac on the outskirts of Maidenhead.
when his 2 kids were small ( (5 ish) the other side of the road which had been field started to get built on, and when the big stuff was up the kids were allowed to go and play on the sand heap etc.
this all came to a crashing halt when Derecks wife ( who was a bit half crown) decided they would have a picnic in the garden one evening, sandwiches , cakes , the full monty, the important thing here was no cheese sandwiches.
The four year old lad dutifully piled a plate with sandwiches, walked over to a treestump, sat down with the plate on his lap, opened a sandwich, exclaimed
”fvck me cheese again” and shut the sandwich.
no more building site !.
 

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