What would you not shag?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Outstanding, Aug 12, 2011.

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  1. At least it will give me an idea of what's available!
  2. Anything over 50, again. It's horrendous, their over exuberance becomes physically repellant when they start trying to bend and stretch like a 21 year old, they also make 'noises' from front and back continously and it's quite off putting when your finally pushing to the final furlong and they say, in their best Liz from Corrie voice, 'oooh hang on a minute love I've a fucking reet bad back'

    Fucking horrid.
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  3. You fucking homo, I expected more from you.

    Getting your blue wings is the future. There's nothing more fun than trying to push the boundaries with dirty old scutters. I purposely have them a little too high up the bed, and try and get their ears to touch their shoulders whilst pounding them.

    Trying adventurous positions is a must! Trying to break a pelvis and/or hip would be an ultimate goal (though not achieved as yet)

    Once you can look past the loose skin the wobbles like cold custard, and the grey whispy pubes that look as though they belong on the head of a cancer sufferer, it's all good!

    I sometimes wear a black condom out of respect.
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  4. Men, animals, fish, anything with sharp edges. Apart from that, everything else is fair game I think.
  5. Nope, not budging, I'm a handsome chap that will fuck 'owt, but bumping uglies with one of my Mum's friends on a settee that had 'doilies' on whilst she played a bit of Neil Diamond scarred me forever, I did however neck her complete bottle of Blue Sapphire then licked her out..I was 20.
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  6. Please tell me that you shot your man-milk all over her, then stuck the doillies to her so she looked like a teenager after his 1st shave?!
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  7. Neil Diamond. Classy.

  8. Was she called Alision by chance?
  9. Usually comments on here make me do the shaky shoulder thing and a bit of a mutley laugh.

    "licked her out" has just made me laugh out loud for real. A phrase which is sadly under used along with "fingering"
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  10. It's ace, my missus is a bit posh, I love nudging her in the kitchen and saying 'do you want licking out?' in my thick Northern twang, she throws something at me and calls me 'disgusting', (which is rich coming from the woman who slept with this foul mouthed bootneck within 6 hours of meeting me, the fucking slag)
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  11. Did you wipe your cock on the doilies?
  12. Anything dead, a blurk, animals and my mum, anything else with a vagina and a pulse (it doesn't necessarily have to be a strong one) is a target to dump my lumpy fish porridge on. I might draw the line at the blue rinse brigade, it depends on how desperate I am at the time, I did a woman in her late forties when I was about 26, she was either very tight or my cock is mega, what was funny though was I was banging her from behind as hard as I could to see if I could make her spaniels ears smack her in her face. I didn't manage it, but her nose did start to bleed, so a result of sorts. I puked on her bathroom floom near the toilet and didn't clean it up or tell her and slipped out the house at dark o'clock.
  13. I never tire of replying "ya mum" whenever my wench asks what I fancy for my tea.

    The silly bitch walks into it day after day. "Fancy a fingering?" gets used at least once a week at random times.
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  14. Scotchbright
  15. When I was about twenty I went through a granny abusing phase. One I remember was post menopause and consequently as dry as the Mojave. She had a tube of KY in her bedside drawer for just such occasions although she did confess that it saw more use on her non-Doctor than a real penis. There is something rather nice about sliding your dick into a warm jelly filled fanny especially when the owner also sports enormous funbags with nipples like a space invader joystick.
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