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What would you do if your missus was a phantom sh*tter?

Actually, I was considering starting a "Shit of Week" thread, we could post pictures of our magnificent jobbies or splats, a select few would be put to a vote each month. Extra points for identifiable food stuffs.
 
Rub her nose in the shit, that'll learn the durty scutter.
 

wheel

LE
As part of our unconscious bias, we always consider phantom sh*tters in the context of men & terrible male behaviour.

However, an unknown proportion of phantom sh*tters are in fact women. Presumably, this fact won't be known by their boyfriends or husbands initially. Most won't even consider the possibility because of their inherent male privilege.

Which begs the question, if you discover that your missus is a phantom sh*tter, a couple of years down the line, what would you do?

You could share some great stories or you could be recoiling in horror.
Purchase a glass topped coffee table
 
Slight thread drift:-

On a construction site i happened to work on, a" The phantom Arseh0le strikes again" script written in the talk bubble, being blown from the the raised trunk of a cartoon elephant. as seen from the rear, with a magic marker on the inside of stud walling, and any surface that was going to be tiled, or covered over It changed daily with" "Who is the phantom Arseh0le" and " The phantom Arseh0le waz ear" Who done it? ,, they never found out, it caused the site manager to get all the lads in the canteen and issue a warning, that if it continues blah blah....they never found out,............ 2013.
 
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I was prompted to start this thread through an intriguing & tantalising situation that I learned about a few years back.

A friend of mine lives in a fancy Cotswold village, like something out of Agatha Raisin (dont ask). Quite regularly on a Friday a group of well spoken ladies would turn up in the afternoon, after work, for a couple of drinks. Amongst the group of ladies was a phantom sh*tter who would literally sh*t up the bogs during their visit.

I've always wondered about the sort of determination it must take to take the time to do something so grotesque and obviously risk so much.

In my mind, after carrying out another covert sh*t attack, the lady in question would go home to her fella, crack open a tinny on the sofa & boss her fella around with threats to hurry up as he doesn't wanna know what she does to people that p!ss her off.
 
Same experience here. Worked in a local village boozer. Women’s bogs always the worst. On early shift it would be our privilege to clean them.
I once commented to a colleague ‘what have they been doing in here?’
His reply: ‘somersaults’ will always stay with me.
 

Yokel

LE
I'm glad you've made the best of an extra hour in bed.

Getting his sheets in the wash and getting in the shower?

Cam someone explain what a phantom shitter is please?

Someone who shits in unusual and generally unacceptable places - such as airing cupboards, washing machines, and so on. When I was a school I was disgusted to discover a turd in a kettle.

I refuse to accept that women are capable of such acts.
 
We have a smallish company with about 70 toilet users at HO. The women’s shitters are generally in much worse state than the men’s with lively shites seemingly finding their way out of the pan to the seat and floor. I have been asked by HR to bear witness to the worst excesses in case disciplinary finds whodunnit, but I’ve declined.
 
"Hell hath no fury..."They can get a tad upset without the scorn coming into the equation.

I bet if you shat on them, women wouldn't need to be scorned to go full menopausal
 
We have a smallish company with about 70 toilet users at HO. The women’s shitters are generally in much worse state than the men’s with lively shites seemingly finding their way out of the pan to the seat and floor. I have been asked by HR to bear witness to the worst excesses in case disciplinary finds whodunnit, but I’ve declined.

How is that technically possible if they sit on the loo, or do they stand on the seat and defecate from above?
 
We have a smallish company with about 70 toilet users at HO. The women’s shitters are generally in much worse state than the men’s with lively shites seemingly finding their way out of the pan to the seat and floor. I have been asked by HR to bear witness to the worst excesses in case disciplinary finds whodunnit, but I’ve declined.

"Toilet users"? Is that a trendy new way of describing people who work in the office?
 
Funny, when I worked for AXA Bristol we had one doing a Bobby Sands impersonation in the crapper.. Shit up the cubicle walls, etc, and management issuing warnings to desist and help detect the culprit.

As the new kid on the block (agency) I was informed much later that I was no 1 suspect for a time.
I like to think it was one of the many short-skirted office tarts that was sneaking into the gents and pebble-dashing it in the hope a fella would get the blame.

A rum place to work, that was.
 
"Toilet users"? Is that a trendy new way of describing people who work in the office?

People who snort coke in the toilet they go home?

That kind of toilet user?
 

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