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What would you do if your missus was a phantom sh*tter?

As part of our unconscious bias, we always consider phantom sh*tters in the context of men & terrible male behaviour.

However, an unknown proportion of phantom sh*tters are in fact women. Presumably, this fact won't be known by their boyfriends or husbands initially. Most won't even consider the possibility because of their inherent male privilege.

Which begs the question, if you discover that your missus is a phantom sh*tter, a couple of years down the line, what would you do?

You could share some great stories or you could be recoiling in horror.
 
As part of our unconscious bias, we always consider phantom sh*tters in the context of men & terrible male behaviour.

However, an unknown proportion of phantom sh*tters are in fact women. Presumably, this fact won't be known by their boyfriends or husbands initially. Most won't even consider the possibility because of their inherent male privilege.

Which begs the question, if you discover that your missus is a phantom sh*tter, a couple of years down the line, what would you do?

You could share some great stories or you could be recoiling in horror.

Is there something you’d like to share with the group?
 
Definitely a contender for 'the strangest thing I've read on a Sunday morning'.
 
Which begs the question, if you discover that your missus is a phantom sh*tter, a couple of years down the line, what would you do?
You have caught her out and now worry that she is ‘unique’...

You’ll get no ‘safety in numbers‘ here matey. Your missus is the only female phantom shitter ever to have walked this earth and we are all going to point at you and mock mercilessly.
 
Mine could never be a phantom; the explosion is normally followed by me going "Fuck me! Anyone hurt?"
 

mad_collie

Old-Salt
You know the rules.

Photos, or it never happened.
 

anglo

LE
You have caught her out and now worry that she is ‘unique’...

You’ll get no ‘safety in numbers‘ here matey. Your missus is the only female phantom shitter ever to have walked this earth and we are all going to point at you and mock mercilessly.
shiiter.jpg
 
I don't know if an entry from me counts, but I dropped a sloppy cowpat on the pavement when I got gutsache early one morning, sprinting from my car to squat in the pissing rain. It was a right mustard yellow colour, evil looking and steaming, decorated with an old bit of paper which was all I had to wipe with. After my day was done I returned to view my crime, and wept tears of pride as I saw a perfect footprint of a training shoe smack in the middle of it, with drip splashes in the direction of the runner's travel.
 

Chef

LE
I don't know if an entry from me counts, but I dropped a sloppy cowpat on the pavement when I got gutsache early one morning, sprinting from my car to squat in the pissing rain. It was a right mustard yellow colour, evil looking and steaming, decorated with an old bit of paper which was all I had to wipe with. After my day was done I returned to view my crime, and wept tears of pride as I saw a perfect footprint of a training shoe smack in the middle of it, with drip splashes in the direction of the runner's travel.

You don't get craftsmanship like that anymore.
 
I don't know if an entry from me counts, but I dropped a sloppy cowpat on the pavement when I got gutsache early one morning, sprinting from my car to squat in the pissing rain. It was a right mustard yellow colour, evil looking and steaming, decorated with an old bit of paper which was all I had to wipe with. After my day was done I returned to view my crime, and wept tears of pride as I saw a perfect footprint of a training shoe smack in the middle of it, with drip splashes in the direction of the runner's travel.

The only thing better would have been the imprint of a bicycle tyre.
 

DarkBrig

Old-Salt
How low people can go and still be proud is a constant amazement for me. You (and your dearly beloved) are the reason why humanity is fucked.
 
I don't know if an entry from me counts, but I dropped a sloppy cowpat on the pavement when I got gutsache early one morning, sprinting from my car to squat in the pissing rain. It was a right mustard yellow colour, evil looking and steaming, decorated with an old bit of paper which was all I had to wipe with. After my day was done I returned to view my crime, and wept tears of pride as I saw a perfect footprint of a training shoe smack in the middle of it, with drip splashes in the direction of the runner's travel.

That mental picture could only be improved by a heel-skid emanating from the print.
 
Saturday night curry and a quarter pound of Wensleydale before bed will do that...

I'll take your word for it as the voice of experience.
 
You have caught her out and now worry that she is ‘unique’...

You’ll get no ‘safety in numbers‘ here matey. Your missus is the only female phantom shitter ever to have walked this earth and we are all going to point at you and mock mercilessly.
and cover our mouths up as we snigger
 

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