What would happen in a real airsoft game

#1
After looking at some airsoft walts who have been outed it seems they are all sas/para/marine killing machines with gucci kit that always works. So why not set up our own company to show what how real soldiers operate. Things can include

Going into battle with dodgy webbing 20 BB rounds and no body armour after the bloke who dishes the kit out tells them they would get it all "in theatre"
Designating some as pioneers and giving them picks and shovels instead of a plastic Barrett .50
Have an elite RAF regiment squad guarding the car park (they get the pick of the gucciest gear of course)
Any other ideas for the authentic arrse british army airsoft experience

Or send this to the hole
 
S

swampmonster

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#2
Throw buckets of water over them and give them 25 year old Rations to chew on...then make them tab about with the biggest most usless radios in the planet..(Clansman) (yes i know most of us have moved on to Bowman)and more kit than their gay rigs they all seem to wear, keep them awake for four days then add stupid duties to the otherwise bone jobs most of us get sent to do withdraw half of them to stag on rather then BB it up in a 6 X 6 sagner with no heating for two hours on four off for four days...then get them to area sweep the whole fake battle are then drive home after no sleep...

Then see how F@ckin keen they are then to Walt it up....Mind you I still do it..then again i'm not very bright :wink:
 
#4
Can only play if its dark and cold bonus if its wet make itricate plan listen for hours of orders and reherasals the watch it all break down into chaos .Only to be put right by shouting and swearing .Anyone who does not moan or swear authentically gets more weight to carry.
 
#6
For every minute they spend firing plastic balls at each other, make them spend days filling in endless paperwork justifying the expenditure and accounting for every last ball. Award civil honours to those who manage to keep their comrades short of every basic necessity.
 
#7
After the "battle", have them arrested by Airsoft RMP and charged with torturing enemy prisoners?
 

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#8
After a busy day have them standing around the car park whilst a Propeller Mover stands there telling them the car isn't able to drive and they will have to wait. Leave them for an hour or two and then hurry them up into a clapped out Minibus. Leave the Minibus in the car park for hours and then leave. Half way home brake down and everyone debus, finally getting off and away once the driver has topped up with his duty free. Have them arrive home days late but still have those days count as leave.
 
#9
Get them to put up a 12x12 tent city in the pouring rain, in a wet muddy field - then take turns stagging on for the next 24 hours, then take tent city down, load it on the trucks, move two miles up the road to another wet muddy field, and repeat ad infinitum.

Liven things up by arranging high ranking officers to visit said tent city, and giving staff bone tasks like trying to locally source bales of straw to try and deal with the mud problem, but forbid at all times the use of common sense like providing wellies or erecting tent city in an area that does not resemble a swamp.

Ah. memories!
 
#11
Joey deacon's lad pmsl

You're old man was an icon in the 80's!!!

Showing yer age picking a name like that but he was a fkn legend!!! The day after it was on Blue Peter n Nationwide one of the lads at school did something daft that no one would notice normally but the cry "Joey" went up from someone and that was it - a social trend that went on for years :-D

Cue wrist slapping, tongue in bottom lip (hide yer chewin' gum) and retard sounds... years before all this mmlaaaarr stuff!!

Anyway, moving on..... Never done airsoft and have no wish to. The closest I got was playing "Laser Quest" in Edinburgh in smoke filled dark rooms etc but this was what my son wanted to do with his pals for part of his birthday.

Great fun to be honest :-D the guy that ran it was called "Liquid Snake". My son explained its "a character from Metal Gear Solid on the playstation dad" - oh right I thought he was a poof. Anyway this walt kept saying he'd never lost a game etc, I trashed his arse n he was fizzing!!!!

The guy wouldn't beleive me when I said I'd never played before, spitting spittle n froth n swearing he called me a liar. I was just about to plant him when my son (10yrs) piped up "Dad? Did being in the army help today?"

I was so proud of my son for that I didny bat an eyelid at getting banned for life - priceless!!

My son (in the Paras now) and his pals could've wiped the floor with these airsoft dudes at age 10, but they're all 18ish now and would probably take orphanage liberties with their prisoners just for a laugh!!!

That's got me thinking..... might set up a challenge :-D
 

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#12
Does that picture depict the famous kidnap of a US soldier by 3 Para mortars??
 
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swampmonster

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#13
Mmmm ARMY vs Airsoft..a battle worth watchin..where do i sign?
maybe be worth inviting the RAMC to deal with the Airsofters after 10 seconds..... :)

Now where did i leave my baseball bat?....Dont see me gettin to worried about the BB palstic balls..and just to keep in the spirt of things i could wear my unit T Shirt under my waterproofs (Bloods hell to shift off cotton)
Rule one has to be played in a fenced area in case one of the C@nts escape.... :wink:

A good day out...

So who's up for it....Come on Airsofters you can bring plastic firing 50 cal to big up as we beat you to death....Joy!

any more rules to add....?
 
#15
Nice one cuddles :-D I wind my lad up continually - mortar platoon etc - has to be done eh? its the law

Swampmonster......

Fenced off area? Hmmmm..... how about a closed in barn????

nah too much like a rat shoot... far too easy :-D

Makes me laff just thinking about us V them, them wi aw their gucci kit and callsigns n shouting orders straight out of tour of duty or platoon etc..

n us auld buggers shouting "they're all around us - they canny get away noo!!!"

please dinny give me ideas :-D
 
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swampmonster

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#16
Sparky2339 said:
Nice one cuddles :-D I wind my lad up continually - mortar platoon etc - has to be done eh? its the law

Swampmonster......

Fenced off area? Hmmmm..... how about a closed in barn????

nah too much like a rat shoot... far too easy :-D

Makes me laff just thinking about us V them, them wi aw their gucci kit and callsigns n shouting orders straight out of tour of duty or platoon etc..

n us auld buggers shouting "they're all around us - they canny get away noo!!!"

please dinny give me ideas :-D
I like your train of thought....... :wink:
 
#17
Closed barn reminds me of the indoor paint ball game i played last year
paint ball guns but the ammo was little rubber balls .Supposedly you wore a tabard which recorded impacts .They hurt a lot and once someone was trapped tendency to hose them down .Bruises took a weeks to heal :D
 
#19
Tell them -during the briefing in the overcrowded hot-and-damp classroom- that they'll be flown in in *Real* ex-military helicopters. After they've marched five miles (in full kit off course) to the PUP, you will recieve a cell phone call telling you that being *real* ex-military also means *real* unreliable. The lads will now be driven in in BudgetRent vans.

After ariving in the deployment area there will be an uneventful -apart from getting cold, wet and dirty- 10 mile march to the objective: A treeline on the edge of some patch of heath. They will go in allround defence and use the last bit of light not to get settled in, but to dig a FOGB OP. A pit with overhead cammo, covered approach, claymores, everything.
They will then stumble about in the dark to lay up somehwere cold and wet, as the lower bits of heathland always are.
Covered in sheepshit, ticks and bits of flora they will spend the cold night either in the OP, in the QRF or listening to static on the radio. Of course, tossing and turning in their wenksack is also an option.

They will then do an exfiltration, carrying all the OP material back to the LZ (where the Vans are...). During the last mile of the march back, there will be a 30 second firefight, which they will lose because they just can't be bothered to do anything else then spend as much of the GMPG rounds as they can. (To lighten their load a bit). This proves to be counterproductive because the exercise umpire, mr Lima, tells them they now have make a stretcher to carry one of their number that got 'Wounded'. Cursing and swearing the section commander (an ICT Patchmaster 1st Class who can do the Vulcan Greeting) and two of the men (a butchers apprentice and a social studies student with long hair) build the stretcher. The rest are smoking while pretending to observe their sector of the allround defence while longing back to the neonlit office they live in.

After getting to the vans they swear to theirselves that they will no longer put up with this nonsense and learn some real skills. That is untill during the maintenance on their plastic weapons, when the tall tales of the 30 second firefight make it to be a two hour drama lacking only Arnie, the Brucemeister and Sly!

After a shag, a fag and a few pints they go to bed and start working up for the next Great Big Adventure....
 

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#20
swampmonster said:
I was thinking more of Ball and Tracer.....Think you could record the hits with ease.... :clap:
You could only shoot them once though . With these things you could have hours of fun :D
 

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