Not best sh@g, or worst sh@g, or even most unusual sh@g â but funniest sh@g! Iâm going to start the ball rolling, but something tells me you lot out there are going to totally eclipse my effort! This sh@g caught me unawares â so no condoms at the ready. Now Miss Danish Blue and I had known each other for a few weeks, and there hadnât been a sign of anything that might cause a state of stand-to in the nether-regions. She was round at my place, but being a bit religious she didnât drink. (So I couldnât really either). So there we were, drinking orange juice. Now when youâre used to drinking beer, youâre used to drinking it in pints. As everyone knows, a habit is hard to break. So Iâm knocking back the orange juice as though it was beer. Anyway, things hot up, and mouths glued to each other we are busy trying to rip each others off, whilst not losing mouth contact. (In itself ridiculous). Ridiculous or not, we have wrestled around a bit and now the moment is right for the grand entrance. Only it feels as though someone has blown up a balloon in my bladder. âEr, excuse me a minute, I think I need to peeâ She gives me a strange look, and I disappear, and realize that orange juice has the same effect on the bladder as beer, but being non-alcoholic it doesnât numb it at the same time. OK, Iâm back again, and the hokey-pokey for 2 if off again, and now weâve actually started. We donât get far because some gnome has blown up a balloon in my bladder again. âUm, Iâm awfully sorry but I think I need to pee againâ She gives me an even stranger look. I slope off, and am getting a bit embarrassed about all this, and decide itâs probably best to get it over quickly. So I get back again, and giving her some real stick in the hope that we can end it quickly, and with all the bouncing about the pillow falls on the floor. Whilst not missing a stroke I reach down to pick it up. In doing so I turn it round at the same time to place under her head. But I obviously havenât hovered since Thatcher last gave birth. The pillow was heaving where it had fallen on the floor. You know how dust and dirt clumps together like tumbleweed in Westerns? This was it, but it wasnât tumbling anyway, it was stuck on the pillow. I throw it down again, and try carry on naturally. âGive me the pillow and Iâll put it under my @rseâ she says âSorry, canât reach I saysâ she gives me an even stranger look. Weâre now on the long strokes, and Iâm going all out for the finish line, but I canât come because I need to pee again. âUm, sorry, I need to pee againâ I says miserably. Back again, and giving it what ho whilst I can and the moment is fast approaching, well er coming. âI donât think I can stopâ I shout âNo problem, she shouts back â Iâm safe !!â. Wow! Afterwards I slope off for a pee, and on returning remark how lucky it was she was âsafeâ. âYesâ she said, âI keep track of my periods, so I know exactly where I am, and if Iâm safe or notâ. Well, not quite as safe as I was hoping for, but still not alarmed I asked âIs it just before or just after?â âNo, sillyâ she says âI said I was safe â Iâm in the middle!â - HOLY SH!T !!! 1 sex-education lesson from me, and 10 days hell whilst waiting later â she finally paints her kacks red, and we live to sh@g another day.