What was the biggest/weirdest cockblock moment you've ever faced?

[redshift]

Was talking to a friend about this the other night and it got me thinking. I had my usual share of cockblocks from a girl's GFs, bros, friends etc. etc. in general but the one which stands out for me was what happened back in the day in college.

I was driving with a girl I was "trying to get to know well" to a party at a online radio station located just outside Detroit. A friend of mine was a DJ there, they always had good parties during the weekends, so I decided to take this girl with me.

We already had been drinking earlier in the day as I was tailgating for a college football home game, both of us were flirting with each other the whole time (she was new sorority girl, who had just transferred to my campus) etc. Anyways, after the game (which we won by the way), I wanted to take the things up a bit, change the scenery, so asked her if she wanted to join me at this party. Having said yes, I was driving(no I wasn't drunk, stopped quite a few hours earlier) there, with both of us getting all touchy and feely along the way. We were getting close to the place we were headed to, driving on 8mile east, when I couldn't take it anymore, pulled us over into a side street. As we were half naked slithering about in the cramped car steaming up the windows, I wrapped up my fella and was about to.....when,*knock* *knock* knock*! on the windows. Both of us were scrambling to cover ourselves thinking it was a cop or something, when I notice it was a freaking homeless tramp banging on the window to ask for some spare change or empties (MI has recycling laws, so if you take back an empty you get 10 cents). I roll down the window shooing away the guy, but the fucker persisted till I gave him a couple of bucks. His parting shot? "Nice girl, fella!"

That certainly cooled down things, we decided to just go to the party. So yeah, I got cockblocked by a tramp. On 8 mile road. In Detroit.

p.s: before you ask, yes I did, later that night.

 

[lert]

 

[chuggafugga]

My mate farting when we was with some lasses... oh wait, it was me...

 

[Skunkmiester]

Worst @I'm not a virgin, honest' post ever.



P.S. Did the tramp have his Mom's spaghetti down his shirt?

 

[supermatelot]

Bloody hell..where do I start?

Wrens at sea...there's a whole political infrastructure built around who is allowed to trap off with who within the wrens, based upon which one of them has been shagged by whom.

Fall foul of that and it's cockblock central. It can even follow you around different ships!

Saw an oppo successfully "blown out"after one of the lads spotted him trapping some good looking bird in a club...another lad minced over to him and, in his best Julian Clary voice said something or other and stuck his tongue in his ear and squeezed his crotch.

I was once almost cock-blocked by a hamster. It was at the side of the cage by a settee, stood on its hinds legs sticking its nose out etc and grinding the bars. I threw a tea-towel over it and carried on.

 

[CatsEyes]

Thinking of a photo of Diane Abbot would do it for me every time.

 

[Badger_Heed]

This thread is fucking shite.

 

[lokiuk]

My Irish Setter who used to run along the back of the sofa, and somehow manage to squeeze between us managing to be center of attention at the most inappropriate moments

 

[Boris_Johnson]

Middle of 2004 I'd gotten friendly with some foxy lass from Sunderland I'd met during a trip to the National History Museum in London. I was there with my daughter at the time, we'd got chatting and swapped numbers.

A few weeks down the line, me and a mate were invited up for the weekend - the plan was he was gonna take one for the team and get it on with her mate - and she was going to sexually abuse me to within an inch of my life.

But we'd been out the night before and proper hung one on. He'd done the sensible thing sacked it about midnight. I'd stayed out and got royally fucked up.

On the way up I was white as a sheet, head splitting, but otherwise I was raring to go - convinced my hangover would be nipped in the bud by the afternoon.

We arrived, got ready to go out etc - all was fine until the first drinks came.

"I don't think I'm very well", I whimpered, as she initially felt a little sorry for me - unknown to her my bloodstream was still 90% proof from the night before.

A few more drinks in and I ended up in the bogs of some nightclub/bar type place heaving for what felt like hours, eventually doing that mad dry-heaving shit where you're relieved it's no longer shooting out of your nose, but scared you're gonna have no stomach left.

Bizarrely though, I felt a million times better afterwards and quickly downed two pints of water. Once I was rehydrated, felt it a good idea to line my stomach properly with Guinness, along with one of those amazing dirty great big Pakistani kebabs in the soft naan roll wotsit. Lush.

As we eventually got back to hers, got into bed all nekkid and ready to turn weeks of flirting into 30 seconds of solid action when I felt the rumbling of liquid shit travelling down my lower intestines.

Not wanting to make a big deal, went to use the bathroom - her fucking mate was in there. I ended up having to use the en suite, knowing full well she's about to hear me pepper her toilet in 24 hours worth of rancid food, propelled under the sheer force of the excess Guinness, making its bid for freedom.

...and if that wasn't bad enough it was only when my tea-towel holder had finally called endex, I realised there was a lonely cardboard tube next to the shitter and I needed to shout her to fetch me a fresh one.


I can still see her face if I try hard enough - a sort of juxtapose of emotions, trying to feel sorry for me thinking I'd got some Noro-virus thing, and the sheer dread on her face from breathing the shit-scented acid up through what was left of her nostrils.

Poor girl.

 

[Mr Happy]

A range warden. Lovely summers evening, ranges closed, I figured a nice wonder down to a firing point where she can lie on her back on the grass, "oi! no you don't" called the angry dreary bastard..

6 Bangladeshis. A mate was on a date with a fairly cute girl, but before meeting her met me for a couple of wets, she was running late, so a couple more and when she did say she was coming, she was bringing her mate. So I was roped in to be the oppo. The four of us had a couple more and wondered off to a music bar, I'm being friendly with her oppo but wasn't really interested, she being a scary Scottish Oil and Gas worked, until such time as we stood in the crowded bar area and she reached down, tugged down my zipper and put her hand inside my trousers. Well I may not have been interested but Capt Happy was another story, so cue going out to the carpark and climbing into the back of her motor. We're making the the beast with two backs when a whole pack of labourers come over and climb into the wagon right next to her car, I suspect they saw the car rocking but anyways, Capt Happy demoted himself to Pte Happy and that was all she was getting. So a semi-cock block in more than one way.

 

[thegimp]

Was talking to a friend about this the other night and it got me thinking. I had my usual share of cockblocks from a girl's GFs, bros, friends etc. etc. in general but the one which stands out for me was what happened back in the day in college.

I was driving with a girl I was "trying to get to know well" to a party at a online radio station located just outside Detroit. A friend of mine was a DJ there, they always had good parties during the weekends, so I decided to take this girl with me.

We already had been drinking earlier in the day as I was tailgating for a college football home game, both of us were flirting with each other the whole time (she was new sorority girl, who had just transferred to my campus) etc. Anyways, after the game (which we won by the way), I wanted to take the things up a bit, change the scenery, so asked her if she wanted to join me at this party. Having said yes, I was driving(no I wasn't drunk, stopped quite a few hours earlier) there, with both of us getting all touchy and feely along the way. We were getting close to the place we were headed to, driving on 8mile east, when I couldn't take it anymore, pulled us over into a side street. As we were half naked slithering about in the cramped car steaming up the windows, I wrapped up my fella and was about to.....when,*knock* *knock* knock*! on the windows. Both of us were scrambling to cover ourselves thinking it was a cop or something, when I notice it was a freaking homeless tramp banging on the window to ask for some spare change or empties (MI has recycling laws, so if you take back an empty you get 10 cents). I roll down the window shooing away the guy, but the ****** persisted till I gave him a couple of bucks. His parting shot? "Nice girl, fella!"

That certainly cooled down things, we decided to just go to the party. So yeah, I got cockblocked by a tramp. On 8 mile road. In Detroit.

p.s: before you ask, yes I did, later that night.

All I heard was "One time at bandcamp"

 

[A signaller]

Pitch black, on the settee, getting down to business, and I hear the front door open, her parents have came home early, the light goes on, its her father, Kin hell, only just managed to pull up my strides and sit looking innocent, fathers face was livid, but no words spoken. I said my goodbyes. Fast forward many years. on leave, decide to look up aforementioned old girlfriend, rang first, mother said she is now married, but will be visiting, come around if you want. I turn up, mother says she is now divorced, etc. etc., mother says don't waste the visit , so I get the best hour or so of my life, Jesus Me 25, she about 45, and mega sex starved, we hear the front door open, FFS its old girlfriend, who managed to get away to visit her old mum, and me, hiding in the bog.
The rest of my 2 weeks leave were between the willing thighs of a 45 year old sex starved divorced nymphomaniac.

 

[Badger_Heed]

Pitch black, on the settee, getting down to business, and I hear the front door open, her parents have came home early, the light goes on, its her father, Kin hell, only just managed to pull up my strides and sit looking innocent, fathers face was livid, but no words spoken. I said my goodbyes. Fast forward many years. on leave, decide to look up aforementioned old girlfriend, rang first, mother said she is now married, but will be visiting, come around if you want. I turn up, mother says she is now divorced, etc. etc., mother says don't waste the visit , so I get the best hour or so of my life, Jesus Me 25, she about 45, and mega sex starved, we hear the front door open, FFS its old girlfriend, who managed to get away to visit her old mum, and me, hiding in the bog.
The rest of my 2 weeks leave were between the willing thighs of a 45 year old sex starved divorced nymphomaniac.

Liar.

 

[flieslikeabeagle]

Pitch black, on the settee, getting down to business, and I hear the front door open, her parents have came home early, the light goes on, its her father, Kin hell, only just managed to pull up my strides and sit looking innocent, fathers face was livid, but no words spoken. I said my goodbyes. Fast forward many years. on leave, decide to look up aforementioned old girlfriend, rang first, mother said she is now married, but will be visiting, come around if you want. I turn up, mother says she is now divorced, etc. etc., mother says don't waste the visit , so I get the best hour or so of my life, Jesus Me 25, she about 45, and mega sex starved, we hear the front door open, FFS its old girlfriend, who managed to get away to visit her old mum, and me, hiding in the bog.
The rest of my 2 weeks leave were between the willing thighs of a 45 year old sex starved divorced nymphomaniac.

you read that once, didn't you? go on , tell the truth , we'll forgive you ..........................eventually

 

[Deleted 24582]

Children......enough said.

 

[A signaller]

you read that once, didn't you? go on , tell the truth , we'll forgive you ..........................eventually

All true about 45 years ago. Edit to Add:- the first bit with the then girlfriend was 50 years ago. About 1968, the swinging sixties, in north london, Kingsbury.

 

[Cutaway]

Children......enough said.

They're tighter ?

 

[Badger_Heed]

They're tighter ?

And much easier to skin.

 

[Cutaway]

Middle of 2004 I'd gotten friendly with some foxy lass from Sunderland I'd met during a trip to the National History Museum in London. I was there with my daughter at the time, we'd got chatting and swapped numbers.

A few weeks down the line, me and a mate were invited up for the weekend - the plan was he was gonna take one for the team and get it on with her mate - and she was going to sexually abuse me to within an inch of my life.

But we'd been out the night before and proper hung one on. He'd done the sensible thing sacked it about midnight. I'd stayed out and got royally fucked up.

On the way up I was white as a sheet, head splitting, but otherwise I was raring to go - convinced my hangover would be nipped in the bud by the afternoon.

We arrived, got ready to go out etc - all was fine until the first drinks came.

"I don't think I'm very well", I whimpered, as she initially felt a little sorry for me - unknown to her my bloodstream was still 90% proof from the night before.

A few more drinks in and I ended up in the bogs of some nightclub/bar type place heaving for what felt like hours, eventually doing that mad dry-heaving shit where you're relieved it's no longer shooting out of your nose, but scared you're gonna have no stomach left.

Bizarrely though, I felt a million times better afterwards and quickly downed two pints of water. Once I was rehydrated, felt it a good idea to line my stomach properly with Guinness, along with one of those amazing dirty great big Pakistani kebabs in the soft naan roll wotsit. Lush.

As we eventually got back to hers, got into bed all nekkid and ready to turn weeks of flirting into 30 seconds of solid action when I felt the rumbling of liquid shit travelling down my lower intestines.

Not wanting to make a big deal, went to use the bathroom - her ******* mate was in there. I ended up having to use the en suite, knowing full well she's about to hear me pepper her toilet in 24 hours worth of rancid food, propelled under the sheer force of the excess Guinness, making its bid for freedom.

...and if that wasn't bad enough it was only when my tea-towel holder had finally called endex, I realised there was a lonely cardboard tube next to the shitter and I needed to shout her to fetch me a fresh one.


I can still see her face if I try hard enough - a sort of juxtapose of emotions, trying to feel sorry for me thinking I'd got some Noro-virus thing, and the sheer dread on her face from breathing the shit-scented acid up through what was left of her nostrils.

Poor girl.

Look I know she was up for the pomp anyway, but did you convince her to give you a hoop dhoby too ?

 

[Cutaway]

And much easier to skin.

And the little ones are easier to store.

Did you manage to pick up any at Ballymurphy too ?