What was the best Mess funtion you've been to?

Discussion in 'ARRSE Social, Events & Networking' started by MFIC, Dec 12, 2011.

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  1. Time to start thinking about next year's summer ball. I'm looking for ideas. If you've got memories of a particularly good event organised by your Mess, would you write a few lines about it so I can pick the best for suggestions to the PMC?
  2. If you get hold of Cuddles, paint his face black and stick him in a shiny suit, you can pretend that you've booked Cee Lo Green.
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  3. Something smell in here?
  4. Couple of ideas for you:

    Spend a little bit of money and give all the ladies a little gift - goes down great with wives and partners, mention it as a thank-you for all their support during the year.

    Avoid getting a band unless you know for a fact that they are good - often bands can be a real let down and very expensive. Invest in a better DJ.

    If you can get one, a real show stopper is a hot air balloon tethered in the mess garden (or nearby sports pitch). I went to a couple of balls where this has been done - universally felt that it was awesome thing to have.

    Go for food that is a bit different. In my time I have organised functions with food as diverse as snake, crocodile, shark, etc.

    Everyone loves a bit of magic so if you can get hold of table magicians to walk around whilst dinner is being served I have found it a real winner.

    Good luck, organising functions is often a thankless task and everyone wants to voice an opinion. Any more questions PM me.
  5. Try companies that do wedding favours for some nice and very cost effective ideas. At our Xmas ball we had lovely little silver snowflakes on a silk loop, sold as bookmarks but equally pretty hung on the tree. Came in gift boxes, all for a few pence over £1, and they did squaddie discount!
  6. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    We had a 'Siege of Lucknow' ball once. Managed to convince some drop shorts to lend us an old cannon, plonked it outside the mess and went to town decorating the place like the embassy in Carry on Up the Khyber. All the staff in Indian dress, a cartoonist, a fortune teller, some Indian food, a shooting gallery in the garden and loads of other amusements, dreamed up and arranged by the subbies.

    All good fun and, since I got my end away in a Warrior, I can only strongly recommend this approach to mess entertainment.
  7. xenophon, bigbird, udipur,
    Thanks for quick replies - all good ideas.

    Anyone else got any memories that stand out about a really good 'do'?
  8. 39 Engr Regts Cpls Mess Xmas Ball about 83 ish. Built a massive marquee on an island , in the lake that the regiment and several plant courses had built. Suits and long dresses. Dance floor, band, dj and army chef catering. So far so good. Toilets provided by Portakabin as we were 600m from the nearest barrack facility.

    Pea Nutt (one of the trampiest full screws I've ever met) was in black tie and tux and had a much less than slim wife, whom, showing much chivalry, he escorted to the Portaloo and back. His table being the furthest from the toilet end of the tent,on their return, he squired her across the dancefloor only for her to be told that her long dress was tucked into the back of her massive pants.

    That was one of the funniest mess do's I've ever been to, my cheeks still ache with the memory of my laughter.

    Mind you, she was ******* mortified, so I guess it's subjective.
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  9. PS And I was a Sapper so was there in an admin support role. Waiter!
  10. first one I ever went to was a Viking themed party: lots of hessian to decorate mess and party goers with a massive cardboard ship at front door. The boys shot some rabbits for the stew starter (complete with bits of shot for chipping teeth on) and the main course was loads of lamb on the bone passed around the table (tear a chunk off with teeth and pass on).
    Indiana Jones: lots of hessian, mineshaft made of pallets, snooker table turned into a massive Moroccan bed, 90% of guests dressed as Nazis.
    Woodstock: Lots of cyalumes used for lighting (hundreds hung from mess chandeliers instead of using actual lights) and uv glow paint for decorating bodies.
    A Gilbert and Sullivan party I went to a few years back (civvy but lots of army in attendance) was highly entertaining, lots of gay gondoliers, little maids from school and a couple of the "very model of the modern major general".
    If you can get it past the 'elf and safety - bucking broncos are a laugh and try to get the drummers in uv skeleton suits in after dinner as they always kick off the party.
  11. Why not go the whole hog and book Billy Smart's Circus.

  12. Surely this is a given... Of course you have a have one of these.
    Make sure that when a lady in a strapless gown has a go there's a ribbon supplied for her to tie around her waist. Once she has been advised that for balance the best thing she can do is to stick her hand under it, there is absolutely no way that she'll be able to stay on AND prevent her bangers from flying out.

    This was a riot at last year's Lord mayor's ball.

    Bollocks to the UV skeleton drummers, by the way.
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  13. Best Mess do, ever, was a Come As You're Caught in the late 80s. The living-in members deployed around the Regiment and the patch, with little 110mm cameras and over a Friday and the weekend caught the entire Mess membership, plus wives, in some horrific states. Fines were imposed on arrival at the function for failure to duplicate the look - for example, the ASM, caught coming out of the shower (in collusion with his wife, who just *happened* to be wearing a long dress at 1000 Sunday morning), was fined a bottle for having his soap in the wrong hand. No mercy was shown anyone, least of all the less-than-popular SSM who was caught sans trousers while getting changed in his office.
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  14. A 7 RHA ball back in the eighties was themed Orient Express...which considering all the gunner officers were dressed like BR stewards was fair enough! However they had gone out of their way to make the gymnasium into themed areas - check in, compartments, destinations and the atmosphere was helped along by ample free booze. There was a fun fair - although that really was not Orient Express themed and on hindsight given ample free booze a high risk activity. An elephant made an appearance but sadly the expected offering did not appear...

    3LI did a ball at Weeton(?) Bks which was tame by comparison but had one of the highlights of my military social experience, when the young waiter came up with a tray of mixed drinks and offered my first wife a "John Thomas". The Mess Manager dived on him in real fury and in broad geordie reminded him that "these isn't John Thomas's these is Tom Collinses...". They had a casino from the RSDG too, I think?

    As it later turned out, she probably wouldn't have minded the offer of a buckshee John Thomas...
  15. Best one was in Cyprus in the Zulu Warrior club (all ranks but 95% was full screw and above) Was PEC on a Medieval night and got a company in with costumes that we hired around £10 a head (dry cleaning costs) and they did the entertainment like stocks etc. Had a great night eating off of flat bread as plates and eating like it was a proper medieval banquet, also got medieval goblets made for each member and guest and got the nod off the OC /Badge to stand up and ask if ALL Squadron members were willing to be in at 10am next day for a clean up which they agreed to (very suprisingly everyone turned up). Luckily I had got the committee to put clear sheeting around the room walls and floor as the food fight started and the place was well and truely trashed at one point as I tried to tell the OC I wasnt getting involved as he pointed out my hands covered in Coleslaw that Id been lobbing ..obviously self defence as our top table was targetted. What a great night, took a lot of organising and cost about £30 a head for costume, goblet, food and wine and entertainment but well worth it....only problem is getting up at 10 am to clean potato salad, coleslaw etc from a covered room in 30 degrees in Cyprus does make you a bit queezy. I believe there are companies in UK who will do similar functions.