What unit would you introduce to measure something?

#1
A recent article on the BBC announces the Tesco as a new unit of measurement.

if we use the global sales of Tesco as our standard unit, at about £60bn, then...

The UK economy = about 24 Tescos

US economy = about 156 Tescos.

Total UK government spending = about 11 Tescos.

Total UK government debt = about 13 Tescos.

Confidential Cabinet papers reveal that Ed Balls is calling for two Tescos for the Department of Children Schools and Families but may be willing to forgo the men's clothing, while Overseas Aid has put in a bid for an extra frozen veg. Transport has accepted a cut of in-store bakery and toiletries.
What other units do you think we should introduce and why?

For example, we could all improve our IQ scores by replacing one IQ point with 2 chavs. ... well, all except a chav, of course, or an MP whose IQ would go even more negative.

Or express alcoholic strength in newts rather the units.
 
#2
I fancy the Ainsworth as a unit of density.
 
#4
vvaannmmaann said:
I had a connversation last night with a guy who measures things in thousandths of a millimetre.
Did you? Wow! Honestly the sheer unpredictability and excitement of your life makes me just a bit wet. you must be utterly exhausted with your fast paced lifestyle, what an utterly intriguing man you are, I want to lick your face.
 
#7
vvaannmmaann said:
I had a connversation last night with a guy who measures things in thousandths of a millimetre.
How is your sex therapist?
 
#8
asr1 said:
vvaannmmaann said:
I had a connversation last night with a guy who measures things in thousandths of a millimetre.
That must take a very long time
Yes, but it sounds more impressive than saying 2 inches.
 
#9
Let me see, there's the bag system for munters (1 bag, 2 bag, 3 bag and Coyote), and the Big Mac and Mars Bar indexes are already in place (look 'em up).

How about the NewLabour (NL) index for sleaze and corruption?

Taking GB as a benchmark 1 NL, Nigeria would be, say, 50 NL's, China about 35 NL's, Switzerland about 0.10 of an NL etc.

Or the SA (pints of Stella Artois) index for a doris's shaggability? A fit chick would be Zero, a so-so babe about two SA's and Harriet Harperson 10 SA's.
 
#10
How about the 'Tropper' (abbv. T66) as a unit of coldness and darkness?

e.g. "My cellar is 0.23 microT66"
"Inter-galactic space is 0.187 mT66"
 
#11
There is apparently currently no measure of volcanic ash density according to the professor I heard on the radio. I would suggest...


"The Glenister"

1% = A severe talking to air traffic control !

10% = Watch it ! Order some new F16 engines

50%+ = Fire up the Quatro, because you are not flying anywhere
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
A StudWait as a unit of time (approx 3.75 minutes).

The length of time it takes a student to pay for a pint of lager and a packet of crisps using a credit card.
 
#14
SUNRAY_MINOR said:
The cock, "that's it love keep reversing back you're about 2 cocks away from the other car"
What use is a unit that men and women measure differently? :D
 
#15
JoeCivvie said:
Or the SA (pints of Stella Artois) index for a doris's shaggability? A fit chick would be Zero, a so-so babe about two SA's and Harriet Harperson 10 SA's.
In use in the RN already, but named the "pint-essence" scale. It describes how many pints are required until a woman becomes essence, essence being a very good thing to matelots.
 
#16
The coefficient of friction - always a cumbersome phrase for how slippery something is should be replaced with..

The Mandelson.

As the Russian say, "he slips in without soap."
 
#18
The 'Gordo'.

As the absolute rock bottom in competance that an MP/Chancelor/PM can aspire to.

So a reasonable politico would be about 10,000,000 Gordos.
 
#19
galgenberg said:
a "BAWHAIR"

probably similar to the micron alluded to earlier (thousandth of a milimetre

I suppose "Bee's Dick" is similar.

When getting beers for a BBQ when asked how much the quantity "Shed Load" or "plenty" springs to mind.
 
#20
JoeCivvie said:
Let me see, there's the bag system for munters (1 bag, 2 bag, 3 bag and Coyote), and the Big Mac and Mars Bar indexes are already in place (look 'em up).

How about the NewLabour (NL) index for sleaze and corruption?

Taking GB as a benchmark 1 NL, Nigeria would be, say, 50 NL's, China about 35 NL's, Switzerland about 0.10 of an NL etc.
Do you really think the Nigerians and Chinese are *that* corrupt or sleazy? How many GaryGlitters in an NL?

Or the SA (pints of Stella Artois) index for a doris's shaggability? A fit chick would be Zero, a so-so babe about two SA's and Harriet Harperson 10 SA's.
That would be an offset logarithmic scale then? (I can't imagine a mere 10 pts of SA doing the job for HH)
 

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