What to write in leaving cards

You know the feeling. Along comes duty git/civvy clerk with an envelope - "John's leaving on Friday, do you want to sign his card?"

Actually no, I don't want to write in his card because either

a) I have no idea who John is
b) I hate him
c) I can't be arrsed

So can you help? Is there a catch all, non - offensive expression that suits all leaving cards? I know that 'All the best, best wishes for the future" is all well and good, but it is also very dull.

I'm sure we can come up with better than that?

Can't we?
Try this...

"I f ucking despised you for years you c unt, and i hope you die of something contagious at a family gathering"

hope that helps.

"Glad you're going .........now fcuk off"
One plain simple word is often sufficient to speak volumes:


It can be taken two ways:

(a), Sorry to see you go

(b), Glad to see the back of you!

The recipient will never know for sure.


Book Reviewer
If it's for a bloke - "Can you leave me your address before you go - I'm pregnant and I think it might be yours"

If it's for a bird - "Thanks for telling me so promptly about the STD you gave me - I've told the other guys and girls to get checked up..."
It was great not knowing you.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Most of the time.
Get one of those rubber stamp jobs made up that has a tick box option.

Stamp the card with...

Sorry to see you go.
Hope you do well.
Bye then.
TFFT! Tw*t!

...and your name.

Then all you ever have to do is stamp it and tick.

Beebs x
Best wishes to the wife, the children and the mistress.

The wife will invariably glance at the card.
Roses are red
Work was abundant
Its not any more
So now you're redundant!

Yes, I did actually write that in a colleagues card, but he was a cnut and deserved it.
You made the office (whatever) a brighter place.

Shame you took the bulb with you.
"Please don't slam the door on your way out. Remember, we still have the negatives."


"I shagged your missus at the last company do. We'll all miss her.."
You can always go for the more religous theme.

Go with God but for Gods sake go!
I'd suggest writing "http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/index.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=39954#714631" if he can be bothered to get online and read this thread then he'll know exactly what you think.
Anything you like since no-one really reads these things anyway - 2 pages of bland statements like 'cheerio' and 'best of luck' from people who you didn't know that well and have been emotionally blackmailed into writing something and chucking 50p into the envelope for fear of no-one doing the same when they come to leave. I'm fed up with writing in cards every day (3 yesterday).

Phew, it's been a long week.

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