What to do when home alone

#1
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
 
#2
Washing up, ironing, hoovering ( the carpet, you cesspit) - general light duties ...........

You know. Hush, the Mistress returns .............................
 
#3
Your missus or my missus?



If its the latter, I tend to have sex with next doors Spaniel or run around the house with a chicken on my nob.

If I'm really bored, I get dressed up as Rommel and mime to ABBA songs.
 
#4
Chuzu said:
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
Are you man or mouse? Chuzu? I behave like that at work!!
 
#5
The-Lord-Flasheart said:
Your missus or my missus?



If its the latter, I tend to have sex with next doors Spaniel or run around the house with a chicken on my nob.

If I'm really bored, I get dressed up as Rommel and mime to ABBA songs.
Thought the pooch was looking a bit stressed. And can I have the goggles back when you've finished with them? Clean this time, if you don't mind.
 
#6
bovvy said:
Chuzu said:
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
Are you man or mouse? Chuzu? I behave like that at work!!
you wank in the kitchen at work i hope your not a chef
 
#8
Chuzu said:
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
When your er indoors is out or my own? Much the same really. Wank in kitchen, bathroom, in front room watching a porno dvd on full volume. I have also inserted a large carrot with lube up my starfish (MDN said "it heightens the pleasure of ones' ejaculation and gives a touch of realism if done roughly" and "er indoors'" vibrator up there as well (not at the same time). Dont even bother to clen the bog after a dump. Great.
 
#9
The-Lord-Flasheart said:
Your missus or my missus?



If its the latter, I tend to have sex with next doors Spaniel or run around the house with a chicken on my nob.

If I'm really bored, I get dressed up as Rommel and mime to ABBA songs.
So its you that I need to send the vet's bills to then for my poor dog's kicked in hoop.
 
#10
happybonzo said:
The-Lord-Flasheart said:
Your missus or my missus?



If its the latter, I tend to have sex with next doors Spaniel or run around the house with a chicken on my nob.

If I'm really bored, I get dressed up as Rommel and mime to ABBA songs.
So its you that I need to send the vet's bills to then for my poor dog's kicked in hoop.
nah flash couldnt destroy a gerbils hoop, however a gerbil nearly destroyed his
 
#11
Chuzu said:
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
Now this is a very interesting question. Like you, I am home alone this week and keen to make the most of the opportunity. I have already picked the low hanging fruit (masturbating in the living room, crapping with the door open, sleeping on her side of the bed, pissing out of the back door and watching porn) but I'm now on day 2 and the novelty is wearing off. I need to find a more elaborate and creative use of this golden opportunity.

Any advice?
 
#12
I live on my own I do what I want :D
no need for opportunities, I can play with myself any time, youporn is good for that :D, leave dishes for days on end before I decide to get round to it, nobody telling what to do or nagging me, I can buy any new technology stuff (bigger toys to you and me) with having to justify it.

bliss !
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
A bottle of Laphroig and a cloth. You can clean the ceiling while you're up there. (thanks to WC Fields).

Seriously, a glass of adequate malt, a good book, a roaring fire, my slippers and Bach on the Bose.

As soon as I get back from my encounter with that big Polish lass at notorious girls dot com. (Might be dot co dot UK. Do a Google?)
 
#14
im thinking of wanking and leaving the reminance around until about 20 mins before shes due to come home
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#15
Chuzu said:
im thinking of wanking and leaving the reminance around until about 20 mins before shes due to come home
The hours must fly by.
 
#16
Chuzu said:
im thinking of wanking and leaving the reminance around until about 20 mins before shes due to come home
I have an offical Duty wanking Tee Towel, its getting a bit stiff now
 
#17
xinflurker said:
Now this is a very interesting question. Like you, I am home alone this week and keen to make the most of the opportunity. I have already picked the low hanging fruit (masturbating in the living room, crapping with the door open, sleeping on her side of the bed, pissing out of the back door and watching porn) but I'm now on day 2 and the novelty is wearing off. I need to find a more elaborate and creative use of this golden opportunity.

Any advice?
You can do a renactment of the Blanket protests of the 70s and 80s. Smear your own faeces all over the walls and pretend the postman/milkman/newspaper boy is a screw from 'the Kesh'. Whenever they deliver, lob piss through the letter box at them and shout 'feck off ye Brit bazzard' (in a West Belfast accent) 'Political status for prisoners'. It does take them by suprise unless of course they are former screws from The Maze.

Once tired of that (or subsequent court order), built a fort in the garden out of all the kitchen appliances. A mini trebuchet can be fabricated out of a clothes line prop and ammunition can be cached using frozen dog turd. See how far across the estate you can fire the poop. I think you'll be pleasantly susprised.

If you get bored of that play 'The Dead Kennedys' (not the hardcore punk band) game. You'll need to do a bit of planning for this one. Firstly you'll have to pretend youre the Orderly Officer. Visit the Gd Rm and make up some excuse that you have to inspect one of the troops weapons. Take the gat home and set up a 'Texas School Book Depository' on the third floor of your house (second floor if youre poor). To make it more realistic, pile up copies of Hello! and Cosmo magazines. Take position in the window and wait for a passing convertible with its roof down. Fire off three shots in quick succession. (If you have the favour of a small boy, you could preposition him with a cine-camera on ground level). Quickly leg it back to the Gd Rm and give the bloke his gat back. Tell him his rifle is minging and he is to reshow it clean at 1800 show parade. Walk calmly back home and continue to watch Jeremy Kyle on the box.
 
#18
xinflurker said:
Chuzu said:
The missus bless her hasnt finished for cmas yet so when shes at work ive taken to crapping with the bathroom door open, leaving the seat up not putting the extractor fan on afterwards and wanking in the kitchen.

What do other people do when her indoors is out?
Now this is a very interesting question. Like you, I am home alone this week and keen to make the most of the opportunity. I have already picked the low hanging fruit (masturbating in the living room, crapping with the door open, sleeping on her side of the bed, pissing out of the back door and watching porn) but I'm now on day 2 and the novelty is wearing off. I need to find a more elaborate and creative use of this golden opportunity.

Any advice?
Does her underwear fit you?
 
#19
Casa Sandy is all mine during the week, as 'er indoors works away and is only home for Friday and Saturday nights.
I'm a terminal insomniac, so of the ten hours I spend at home (22.00ish to 08.00ish) five or six are spent mooching about the place in my boxers, listening to Rimsky Korsakov whilst sculling on my machine, drinking too much wine and searching 'tinternet for the perfect ketch-rigged, live-aboard, motor sailer with which to sail away into the sunset.
 
#20
sandmanfez said:
Casa Sandy is all mine during the week, as 'er indoors works away and is only home for Friday and Saturday nights.
I'm a terminal insomniac, so of the ten hours I spend at home (22.00ish to 08.00ish) five or six are spent mooching about the place in my boxers, listening to Rimsky Korsakov whilst sculling on my machine, drinking too much wine and searching 'tinternet for the perfect ketch-rigged, live-aboard, motor sailer with which to sail away into the sunset.

How very 'lower middle class' of you. I'll bet your hand falls asleep when you have a tug, you dullard.
 

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