Told a load of Americans in Baghdad (when asked about how we Brits celebrate 4th of July) that the Queen formally grants another year of independence to the President of the United States (or the Western Colonies as we called them in England) each year.
They soaked it up and it lasted until I lost my ability to keep a straight face.
I once blagged a bloke at one of my previous units that i had binned my long term Mrs Sparkysapper of the time and had met and was going to marry a girl that wouldn't look out of place in a corner shop if you get my drift.It wouldn't matter to most people, but he was very anti anyone of a different colour. I even managed to dig out a photo of a chick from years back with a bit of a tan, at her passing out parade, she wasn't normally that dark.
I told him that as part of the dowrey i was going to be given 2 corner shops from her father, two weddings, one i a Registry office that would last 30 mins and one that would last for 3 days and all the Troop was invited and after the wedding i would be entitled to wear a blue turban with RE cap badge instead of a beret when in uniform.
Most of the blokes in the Troop got involved, but in the end i had to come clean about the wind up when after many beers in the Bridge one of the blokes made the comment that he would come to the wedding to drop a sh1t in the corner to keep the flies of the bride, surprisingly enough the bloke that didn't like different coloured people went of his t1ts and was about to batter the other bloke, till we jumped in to separate them.
When we told him of the wind up that had been going for 3 months, he held his hands up for a fair cop and crated himself for being a mong.
Dave if you are out there reading this sorry mate but it was quality.
Had a mate who used to frequented dating sites, managed to find him on the site of his choice (note to other squaddies .... don't use your first name and last 4 as a user ID unless you want to be found!) and convince him a 19 year old air hostess was desperate for his body, as well as convincing him her 3 flatmates were probably up for it with his mates - kept the blag going for about 6 weeks until the weekend of their first meeting when the co-conspirators couldn't get to the meeting 'cos of bad weather - it was amazing how many of the guys who were up for it with her housemates were suddenly all "yeah, we knew it was a wind up - we were just going along with it anyway!"
Our C Sqn was warned off for a six-week exchange trip to Australia in 1982. For eighteen months leading up to it, they went on and on about it, really getting up everybody else's nose about it. Then, as the big day got closer and closer, they got unbearable.
One day, I was having a really bad day, so much so that eventually, I actually ripped beret from head and jumped up and down on it in the middle of the main vehicle park square surrounded by LAD, two sabre squadrons (ours and C) and the Sergeants' Mess in a fit of pique in the style of good cartoons (I was really mad, but my sense of humour was still running in the background).
A mukker from C attempted to lighten the mood and made a remark along the lines of "Did you know we're going to Australia next month?" in an attempt to wind me up. Now I didn't hide my talents under a bushel and everybody in the Regiment knew I'd done three years in Command Troop and had a direct line to the CO.
I turned to this guy and said, absolutely straight-faced, "You haven't heard then? Maggie is assembling a Task Force to sail for Ascension Island and as the most experienced Recce regiment available, we are to be mobilised and packed off. The Colonel is right now announcing it to Squadron Commanders at an O Group. Your trip to Australia is OFF Bonny Lad, so you can put away all thoughts of Australia and start collecting together your winter woollies for a real I Am shooting war in the Falklands. Stick that in yer pipe and smoke it." And I stomped off, brushing the muck off my beret. (I was going to write shite, but figured the expletive checker might pull it ...)
This really brought the ruination of his day down to the level mine was at, and it was loud enough that the whole of the LAD, two sabre squadrons and most of the Regiment's senior NCOs on their way to NAAFI break in the Mess heard it. And when I said things like this, people knew who I knew ...
Within 15 minutes, C Squadron Leader was banging on the Colonel's desk asking if it was true that their jolly to Oz was off and we were going to have to play Soldiers for real instead?
Edited cos I screwed amending the same post I just made to another forum on the exact same subject, removing words of explanation I'd like to think you people wouldn't need.
was working for an IT firm and we had a contract to move a projector in the cardif university students bar, it had to go 1m closer to the screen as it was just out of focus, but ceiling mounted under an arch, of course 1m forward meand there was only fresh air to screw it to.
so the AV guy who i was supervising said "any suggestions" and before i had time to engage brain, my squaddie mouth kicked in with "sky hooks from C.E.F, come in packs of 4, need 2 packs"
he blinked nodded and dissapeared before my brain caught up with the situation and started laughing....
he actually lept into his van and shot off to the nearest branch of CEF to buy 2 packs of sky hooks......
still, whilst he was gone, i made a bracket out of some aluminium banding and some unistrut, a few zebedies and some coach bolts, had it all mounted before he was back.....
it gets better....
CEF must have twigged because they sent him to newrey and Aires, who sent him to wickes, who sent him to B&Q, it was only at B&Q that someone broke the cycle and said "i think its a wind up"
3 hours he was gone.... meanwhile all the female students start turning up and admire my handy work and offering me a beer
Wound some one up with the following little item;-
scene is coming back from an exercise that got totally fouled up thru rough weather - but thats another story - a guy sat behind me and his oppo started cracking jokes about thalidomide victimes etc - so, turned round, dead pan and straight faced, asked them to stop as I had a brother who had no arms and no legs and still did a full days work, after harping on for about 20 or so minutes about this poor unfortunate with no arms, no legs and still did a full days work - one of them felt very guilty and apologised and asked what he did for a living - when i told him he was a paper weight - the sense of humour failure was a joy to watch.
A few years ago, me and some random chick down my local pub convinced a mate of mine that we were brother and sister. Over the years, this became more elaborate, until everyone we knew was in on the joke, including the lasses sister.
His face was a right picture at Xmas. The two of 'em take turns straddling me and generally acting like my drunken biatches in front of him, freaked him out big time...
We told him the truth at Xmas, he still ain't talking to me.