What the Hoth?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by alib, Feb 16, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Ewoks are half a wookie.

    Originally Han Solo's co-pilot was to be a human, and the Endorian Forest folk were Wookies. George Lucas like thed teh Wookies so much he upgraded them from Ewok Stupid, to sentient but growling beings capable of driving a ship in hyperspace.

    Obviously this left a gap in the storyline for a bunch of cretins living inthe forest. So he devised a little wookie, Ewoks and the rest is cinematic history.
  2. That's no way to talk about the Infantry, lol!
    • Like Like x 2
  3. [​IMG]
    "Look we've ruined an entire franchise!"
  4. I always wondered why they were so swift to tie up and eat t eblokes (Han was over a fire) but didn't tie up Leia and give her a good finger banging...
  5. Perhaps they hate the taste of fish?

    Unlike Ms. Fisher, it seems.
  6. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Jesus. I was told we had weekend cover? Never mind. It usually comes down to me.

    Right. The Battle of Hoth. How we win it. Pay attention. We shall require the following...

    1) a .22 pistol with a silencer. Or a ball pein hammer. I am not bothered which.
    2) a time machine.

    we go back in time and pop one in George Lucas's ear. Thus the Battle of Hoth, Wookies, shambling ******* robot puppets, star ships on a string like Thunderbirds Mk2 and all those shabby two dimensional ******* Star Wars story-lines never happened because George Lucas is dead.

    Princess Leah will need to be detained for interrogation. You may leave that to me.
    • Like Like x 1

  7. Will there be disintegrations?

    And I would recommend your time machine stops in on the production of Return of the Jedi for the aquistion of Leia....

    On the other hand we wouldn't have... Leia's Metal Bikini
  8. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    putting my sf geek hat firmly on, where are the Rebel orbital defences? why not plant a few FOGB land mines in the Imperial lz?

    cant they use the Ion Cannon to take out a few walkers? as said in the article, where was the Imperial air support?
  9. I believe the Imperial aircraft were obsolete by the time trials and development were completed and the aircraft carrier HMS Jar Jar Binks was not fitted with the correct catapults and the French would not lend it to us anyway.

    Should have kept the Harrier.

  10. Clearly the Imperial Forces are the Kent Police of the Solar System.

    Love the stop and search training.
  11. I think it's fair to say that any honest AAR on the Hoth campaign will not make pleasant hearing for the Imperial High Command. Quite apart from Admiral Ossel's giving away OPSEC, there are some fundamental failings at pretty much every level.

    Vehicle procurement: yes, the ideal assault vehicles for an ice-covered planet are slow-moving top-heavy quadrupeds and not some form of hovercraft or motorised sled. Plodding ponderously across several kilometres of killing zone towards the enemy you hope to capture or destroy in place is bound to be a good idea, right?

    Cutoffs: enormous and hard-to-manoeuvre star destroyers acting as goalkeepers? Not something that can shift rapidly from one place to another without crashing into its own side, while presenting a small target to ground fire?

    Skill-at-arms: A constant failing of these highly-trained genetically-engineered super-soldiers with the resources of a galaxy-wide empire behind them is basic application of fire. Is it too much for a Sith Lord to ask that just occasionally they hit something they're shooting at?

    Which brings us to fieldcraft: a sure sign of a badly-trained soldier is an inability to distinguish cover-from-view from cover-from-fire. An inability to realise that being shot at is a sign taking some sort of cover is needed places them several rungs below African Infantryman of the Year.

    About the only thing they got right was the camouflage scheme and Darth bleedin' Vader goes and gives the game away by striding around in his latex gimp-suit. No wonder they used to call the big poof 'Annie'.

    In the words of Grand Admiral Dering, commander of the Imperial Battle School on Brekonia, "Not an impressive performance, gentleman."
    • Like Like x 2
  12. The whole defence of the Hoth was based on not being found, so putting orbital defences would give the game away.

    The Ion Cannon was an weapon used for anti-orbital defence, it couldn't traverse low enough or move fast enough to engage the All Terrain Armoured Transport and All Terrain Scout Transport vehicles on the ground.

    It would be like the Death Stars main laser beng used to engage X-Wings.

    Lack of air cover is a strange one, but perhaps the Twin Ion Engines of the Imperial Fleets aircraft couldn't operate on the Hoth surface, perhaps a AAC poster could confirm.

    It does seem strange General Veers didn't push for air cover, especially as he knew of the AT-ATs vulnerability to fighters.
  13. Given that the rebel speeders had to be adapted to the cold, it's safe to assume that the TIE fighters where fitted for, but not with cold weather gear. As per SOP's.

    As for the ATAT's they may not work well in snow, but why the hell did they land them on Endor I'll never know. Huge, four legged slow asets in a forest. I guess the Empire really are stupid.

    As for the Wookies/Ewoks, I heard that Lucas wanted the whole forest to be filled with Wokkies but couldn't find enough tall actors, while sort ones were ten a penny.