What the f-uck happened?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Apr 5, 2005.

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  1. I was chucking out some old stuff and came across an old filofax that I used to jot all my sh-it into. As fate would have it, it was from 1995, so I had a flick through to see how my life had changed over a decade. Compare the two sets of activities.

    March 1995.

    Got back off exercise and went on the beer on Wednesday and Thursday, before going on leave for two weeks. On leave, me and my girlfriend spent a week and a half, bumming round Marrakesh, getting pissed and generally having a laugh. Got back from Morrocco and had the weekend in Manchester. On the Friday we went for a meal and went to a gig, getting in at 5.30 in the morning. Got up just in time to catch the back end of Football Focus, before spending the day down at Dukes, getting bladdered with a bunch of mates. Finished up in a nightclub and had another 5 o'clocker. Spent the whole of Sunday in bed, having occasional sex interspersed with brews and fry ups.

    March 2005

    Combed nits out of my wifes hair, while my kids destroyed our shell of a house.

    Holy fcuking moley!!! What the fcuk happened? I thought I was doing quite well until I read that fcuking diary. 8O 8O 8O
     
  2. 1985 - First working unit routine, Mon-Thurs night Naafi Bar, Fri/Sat night downtown, Sun Lunchtime time session.
    2005 - Last working unit, Mon-Thurs night stay in, have to be up at 0545 every morning, Fri night get hammered downtown, Sat/Sun recovering.

    God I am fecking old
     
  3. Couldn't agree more.

    1985 - huge p1ss-up in Mess on Thursday night, too ill to work Friday morning, battalion runs BFT Friday afternoon (throw up afterwards), catch stand-by flight Aldergrove-Heathrow Friday evening, p1ss it up in London with Girlfriend all Saturday and Sunday (plenty of gratuitous sex thrown in), back to NI last thing Sunday evening and duty transport back for muster parade Monday morning.

    2005 - Friday evening, take son No 1 to footie training (concurrent activity - do shopping at Harry Tuffins, chav supermarket extraordinaire); Saturday morning, take son No 2 to riding school (concurrent activity - poorly executed DIY tasks at wife's direction); Saturday afternoon, take daughter swimming (also at wife's direction); Saturday evening, cook dinner, have a couple of beers, share bottle of wine with wife, fall asleep in front of TV; Sunday morning, take son No 1 to footie match (concurrent activity - watch footie match); Sunday lunch, no drinking because...; Sunday afternoon, drive back to London for start of working week; Sunday evening, eat supper, share bottle of wine with wife, fall asleep in front of fücking 'Midsomer Murders'...

    Conclusion: Pussy whipped.

    Oh yes, and I've done the fücking nit-combing thing as well.
     
  4. How Romantic ! :lol:
     
  5. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Thank God I am single and have no children
     
  6. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    Poppy -

    That's not divine intervention, but Darwinism in action :)
     
  7. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    01 April 1985 - Met up with mini-bezzers after double PE. Marky bought Jenny (Billy’s sister) along for some reason. I manage to smuggle a pack of Um-Bongo from mum’s kitchen cupboard and we go down to the park. Alan shows us his new Transformer (The decepticon that turns into a gun –Ace!!!) and we talk about what a wnaker Gordon Strachan is. After our 6th Um Bongo we feel funny so see how fast we can spin round on the merry-go-round. All the while Jenny is telling us to gro up and stop being stupid little boys. We give Marky evils and he looks confused – he doesn’t want to upset Jenny for some reason but he knows we’ll give him chinese burns unless he stops being gay. He tells her to bugger off and play with her my little ponies if she doesn’t like it. She bursts into tears and runs off. We feel bad for about ten seconds then try to find who can go downhill in a shopping trolley the fastest.

    01 April 2005 - Met up with bezzers after sports afternoon. Mark bought Jen (Fat QARANC) along because he’s been trying to get in her pants for ages. I’ve got some carry-out stella and we drink it on the train on the way to London. Alan shows us his new iPOD and we talk about what a wnaker Gordon Strachan is. After our 6th Tequila/Vodka/Redbull we feel funny so see how fast we can spin round on our bar stools. All the while Jen is looking bored and disgusted. We give Mark evils for bringing such a humourless cow along and he looks confused – he wants a sh@g but knows we’ll give him sh1t unless he stops being gay. He tells her to bugger off back to her ex if she doesn’t like it. She bursts into tears and walks out. We feel bad for about ten seconds then try to find who can go downhill in a shopping trolley the fastest.
     
  8. I think the word "wife" answers the question :lol:
     
  9. Bog off - you are just jealous because I can do as I please with no one to moan if I get home pie-eyed in the middle of the night and trip over the cat :roll: :roll: :roll:
     
  10. A sign of true love.
     
  11. Not just romantic, but strangely therapeutic and rewarding.

    "Watch them as they cling forlornly to life on the teeth of that fine comb. See their horror as they are tapped on to a piece of white paper and they realise that escape is now impossible. Imagine them pleading for mercy as the thumbnail of destruction chops their little body in half."

    Thats what it said on the bottle of nit shampoo that I bought, anyway.
     
  12. 1995 Friday - spent evening at home crying my eyes out whilst my Tw*t of a husband was sh*gging his new 19 year old bimbo followed by him not coming home. Life sucks.

    2005 Friday - spent evening in a really nice eatery having lobster and lots of wine followed by being taken home and rogered senseless by my boyfriend. Never thought of my ex husband once. Result. Life is GREAT :)
     
  13. Looks like your in the clear anyway, Poppy. I've just had another check of the nit shampoo bottle, and it says.

    "Nits are more common in children, but adults that live in close proximity to minors are regularly affected. Nits can be avoided by:

    a. Avoiding any hair to hair contact with children.

    b. Dabbing a small amount of teatree oil at the nape of the neck. This serves as both treatment and preventative.

    c. Adopting a hairstyle so farcical, that no self regarding nit would be seen dead in it. The 'Anvil' or 'German Helmet' is particularly effective.
     
  14. Phew! :lol:
     
  15. April 1995: wondering how to research & write 8 university papers in a week... 8O

    April 2005: chilling out in Singapore, drinking red wine... 8)