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What Should I do

I want to shove "something" in my anus... What should I choose from what I currently have available

Mobile Phone
My computer mouse
My pet mouse
My own penis
The RSM's penis
A tube of deep heat with the lid off

... Something else?
Shove a hungry rat up there. Failing that a particularly pissed off gerbil. Then block him in with a concrete 'plug'.

As the animal digs through your lower intestine to escape it'll give you a nice warm feeling, and when his tail wraps round your colon you'll have an orgasm like no other
Do your list backwards, after the scary bloke gets deep heat on his bell end he'll rip yours off and insert it along with your pet mouse and means of calling for help, you can use your fingers to remove it all a'la one man one cup :twisted:

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