What shall we do with the drunken sailor......

Most hold that a grand slam is swamp, spew, shit the bed.

Like the laws of thermodynamics, there has been an addition:

and upon realising that you’ve swamped, spewed and shit the bed....burst into tears. NOW, you’ve grand slammed.
Grand slam, swamp,spew, poo your pit and a dose back in my day, step forward AB(S) Taff Davis you horrid ugly man.


Book Reviewer
Let's give the RN the night off. I once witnessed an alcohol-fuelled altercation between an Army officer of field rank and a balding creature from the RAF at a Mess do which escalated to the point where the creature fled in terror and was hunted by said officer now channelling Captain Ahab. His rage was such that he failed to identify his target properly and, presumably on the basis that they all look alike, eventually subjected a balding and rather surprised Station Commander to an impressive programme of percussive maintenance. He left the Army soon afterwards and the rest of us were sworn to secrecy - a solemn pledge that was kept for at least ten minutes.

One epic, free bar event I recall ended with a bunch of University midshipmen finding out who could down a half pint of whisky in the least time. The winner was a social hand grenade and celebrated his victory by attacking a Lt Cdr (= army major) with a fish knife (no knowledge of etiquette - a fruit knife would have been more appropriate as we all had our suspicions about the Lt Cdr).

After the attack, our man collapsed and an ambulance was called. In the ambulance, he recovered and proceeded to attack the paramedics, one of whom was driving. This prompted the ambulance to carry out a quick U-turn and head for the nearest police station.

On spotting the now vomit stained uniform that the midshipman was wearing, the police called the Provost (= RMP) who took our man to a ship, any ship to get fekkin' rid of him. There followed a night in detention on don't choke on your own vomit watch.

Next morning, the midshipman's uniform was pi$$ stained as well as vomit stained and he was up before the Captain. "You're not one of mine." said the Captain.

"No sir. I'm a university student." replied the soon to be former midshipman, desperately trying to avoid projectile barfing over the CO.

There ended a potentially stellar naval career. One of the other midshipmen at the event retired recently as a Rear Admiral. Our man spent a couple of years in the reserves before being discharged from there too after getting pi$$ed in the wardroom and indecently assaulting a WRNS officer, an amply proportioned woman by all accounts, but that's another story.

There's a traditional toast in the Royal Navy that goes Wives and girlfriends - may they never meet. More appropriate might be Matelots and free booze - may they never meet.
I give you an informative, but furthermore 3 laughs for a fecking excellent story !!!!
Really though it isn’t that unusual for any social or work gathering with a free bar. Weddings, parties work dooos whatever. When free drink is available the social hand grenade will always go off. In some ways the true blame lies with the organizers for thinking this is ever a good idea.
£1500 fine - the most expensive free drink he will have! Give him his due he did not hold back and went full throttle, or was that bottle, at the enemy! Keeping up the traditions of The Andrew, full marks!
It would have worked out a lot more expensive if they'd bust him.
He's an NCO and thus should have known that being pissed, arrogant and ill mannered would get him a bollocking. It's only above the rank of subaltern (equivalent ranks in other arms are available) that such actions are deemed to be high spirits and lauded in the historic importance of regiment, ship or squadron. :cool:

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