What puts a shine on your shit?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, May 11, 2011.

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  1. My current recipie for a real gleamer of a turd involves:

    12 pints of warm draft Guiness out of dirty pipes
    Broccoli and egg madras served with a paratha and rancid lime pickle
    Ten shot glasses of Jagermeister
    Two shots of NAAFI tequila (snort the salt, drip lemon juice in your eyes and then drink the shit with worms in it)

    What works for you?
  2. 1/2 pint WD40

    Sent from my Desire HD
  3. Shiny shit definition in dictionary

    Preston slang for that "devil may care" attitude

    Use of shiny glamourises the shit and raises the level of merely 'Giving a shit'
    "You weren't at lectures today and missed some important work"

    Reply "I don't give a shit! In fact, I don't give a shiny shit"
  4. I always know when I had a good curry the night before, there's dessicated coconut on the top of me turd.
  5. Brasso,obviously.
  6. Reach in, scoop a bit up on your fingers and suck it. I'm pretty sure you'll find it's dandruff.
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  7. Thai red curry with prawns and extra chilli. But you need to wipe yer arse with an ice cube afterwards.
  8. My incredibly tight sphincter ensures that my shite comes out perfectly cylindrical, and super-shiny.
  9. Not the story I was told.
  10. Guiness is critical, not only for the lustre but also the depth of colour which really brings out the shine when accompanied by oil based food like fish, Italian olive oil (virgin mind?) etc. I have my photographic collection somewhere, bear with me!
  11. Asparagus is in season not only does it give me explosive and perfumed gas. It makes my piss smell funny then the morning after is a smooth and perfectly formed love child.
  12. Yes, good asparagus is cheap here at present due to the unseasonal hot weather. It also has the added advantage of making your piss stink like a rickshaw driver's truss and according to my missus, whilst I was massaging her tonsils, my man fat now tastes like the floor of a monkey's cage.
  13. I've tried the stuff for honey Roast Ham..... I've tried Cod Liver Oil..... I've tried Olive Oil...I've tried many things. But it always comes out looking like something what the dog does on the sidewalk.... I had to supply several samples the other day for screening purposes. I did this at work once.... and I was accused of put turds wrapped up in bog paper in the Staff Canteen Fridge..... Not Guilty guv..... Now would I do such a thing?

    As for nice shiny, shiny polished turds.... well... I deny all knowledge of polishing turds..... I know... It's time to collect me Small Kit and quick march down to the Med Centre to see the quack again...

    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 1
  14. I expect Jarrod will be along shortly.
  15. nice vindaloo washed down with a couple
    of dark and stormies. (rum and ginger beer)