As ever J, your inaccuracy is matched only by your tendency to bloviate. Here you are, into your 40's, unmarried, childless, in a dead-end and mundane job in Scotland while dreaming of greater things, desperately trying to leverage a PhD from a third rate Welsh university while medicating for various adult-onset mental disorders. It's no wonder you are so manifestly resentful and insecure.
To your mind, you are the subject of envy. Take all the comfort you can from that misconception, for your reality is far, far darker.
That's @amazing__lobster to a 'T'.
You're quite a perceptive bloke.