What Not To Say?

ericferret

War Hero
Wife in conversation with a woman concerned about her sons speech impediment. He tended to pronounce his R's as W's.

"Well he will be ok as long as he doesn't become a top ranker"

I nearly had a fit but fortunately it went straight over the womans head.

Sometimes wonder what became of young Philip.


On a separate occasion observing a baby in a push chair with a clear rain protective cover.

"Oh look a boil in the bag baby"

Unsurprisingly she doesn't fit into these modern P.C times.
 
Back when I bothered with social media a Canadian friend posted that she'd just lost her job, Everyone was posting the usual "oh how terrible".
I posted 'have you looked down the back of the sofa? It's usually where my keys are when I lose them."

Her friends were horrified, she was amused.
 

ericferret

War Hero
Old one but,

Lufthansa crew on radio to air traffic control explaining delay to push back being caused by a missing passenger.

Brit voice chips in, "Have you checked the ovens?"
 
Hyundai produce the Kona, except in Portugal it’s called the Kauai, because Kona in Portuguese means cünt.
 
Old one but,

Lufthansa crew on radio to air traffic control explaining delay to push back being caused by a missing passenger.

Brit voice chips in, "Have you checked the ovens?"
Been doing the rounds for years but one I heard myself was a female ATCer going batshit on the radio at some poor sod who’d taken the wrong taxiway.

Long pause.

Unidentified voice “was I married to you once?”
 
Monologue from an HR bod, a lesbian married to an Indian, on how difficult choosing a sperm donor that would produce a kid of the relevant skin tone had been.

Yep, really.

My brain was busy trying to process this and offer a suitable response when the bloke next to me comes up with “is that like in B&Q with those paint colour chart things then?”

He was senior to her and presumably got a quiet chat. Me, being a long way down the food chain, got a warning for laughing.

Yep, really.
 
Many years ago my father (Still alive at 93) told me he had been diagnosed with tunnel vision, and would have to take it easy, and find something easier to do. Without hesitation i said......" Hey pops, how about a tube train driver"
 

JuniorBod

War Hero
Mrs JB and mysef enter the hotel elevator in New York to find a nice Asian couple holding the doors for us. What floor they politely enquired...

Mrs JB....Flee please...

I very nearly soiled myself, how I kept a straight face I don't know, Mrs JB was mortified and doesn't know why she said it to this day...

JB
 
Wife in conversation with a woman concerned about her sons speech impediment. He tended to pronounce his R's as W's.

"Well he will be ok as long as he doesn't become a top ranker"

I nearly had a fit but fortunately it went straight over the womans head...
Pontius Pilate walt
 
A number of years ago we were round the Monster in laws place, some conversation was going on but I wasn’t taking a lot of notice, suddenly the wife said to me that they say if you want to know what your wife will look like in the future then just look at her mum, like I say I hadn’t really been listening and was a bit distracted watching TV, without thinking I said I fuckin hope not, to say that it wasn’t best received would be an understatement, women can be so touchy

Too late in my case, she really does look like her late mother ( Married 42 years, with no time off for good behavior)
 
A few years back the chat was going on between about 10 of us in the office at work, and discussion moved on to our partners. One of the guys (about 40'ish) mentioned his partner had an 18 year old daughter. Cue the newest member of the team (recently left REME) coming out with the immortal words 'So, you've only got the moral obligation not to nail her then!' All you could hear for a few seconds was the sound of jaws hitting desks. I was the only one who laughed. How the hell did either of us get away with that?
 
Mentioned on another thread - I got told off in police training several times for being non-PC. Who would have thought that the correct term is 'travellers' not TGBs (thieving gypo b'stards) but the worst reaction was some wellness-sitting in a circle thing telling everyone what you wanted to be reincarnated as. Apprently "Kylie Minogue's bar of soap" is NOT an appropriate answer. I'd have been in more bother other than the trainer nearly having a seizure from trying not to laugh and the Trg Sgt doing the decent thing and telling the trainee who complained to p1ss off.
 

ericferret

War Hero
Pontius Pilate walt


Pilot did you say? I think you are confusing me with her good self.
Spot of refuelling in Morroco.

She lands at an airfield in Morroco, and refueller peers inside and confused asks,
"If there is no pilot how does it fly?"

She "Auto pilot"!!!

GAVUH 2002 Essaouira (2).jpg


Five star accommodation on her way down through Spain.


GAVUH 2002 Matilla de los Canos.jpg
 
Last edited:
More getting it wrong from the honourable son’s of nippon.
mitsubishi car division 1980’s Ah so let’s name cars after equestrians.
smallest car = colt.
sports car = bigger horse = starion
no one at the U.K. advertising agency picked it up until the ads went out and then they decided to just run with it.
true dit told to me by the man who managed the vauxhall account at the time.
 

Bedfordrl

Swinger
Years ago when we lived in Wales we picked our daughter up from a friend's house .
It turned out he was some high ranking Liberal ,I forget who ,and they were all sat around the back in the garden having a picnic .
I was in a hurry to be off somewhere else but the missus insisted we joined in and I wasn't paying attention to the chit chat but definitely heard him mention he was a fan of Eddie Izzard .
Without realising I'd said it aloud I said " hmm,a fan of men in drag "
The total silence made me turn around and they were all staring at me and his wife seemed to be having trouble with her cucumber sandwich as she was making an odd snorting sound .
We weren't invited around again .
Ho hum .

Sent from my CLT-L09 using Tapatalk
 
The Japanese were also prone to cockups. When first trying to sell their cars to the west, they also had problems trying to find a name that would be acceptable to western consumers" One executive came up with the European sounding name, " The Toyolet"......


It was pointed out to Toyota, that their car the Auris, in an east london dialect, is pronounced "Arris" ( A kick up the Arris)
As in, Aristotle=bottle=bottle and glass=Arse=Arris.
Or, "hes bottled it, his arris as gone"=Lost his nerve.
I don't think anybody un the rest of the UK would have understood that either.
 

OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
"Happy Hiroshima Day! - fun fact, apparently the flash from an atomic bomb detonating is so bright, that even to this day, the Japanese still squint" - got a fairly cold reception....

At one of the pointless team meetings after someone being told there is no 'I' in team "but there is in time, and this is a waste of it" that one pretty much divided the room.

Someone brought a young child into work to be given lots of attention, seriously disrupting everything, the child was thrust at me in expectation of my 'wanting to hold it' (no chance, I didn't even know the person holding it as they'd gone on leave before I started) I recoiled a bit, then turned my head slightly and furrowed my brow before saying "Has it got a touch of Downs?" Turns out it was just a slightly lazy eye.....
Well at least the child-meeting 'party' ended at that point as the parent took it away sharpish and things got back to normal, well, normal-ish, it seemed very quiet in the office every time I had to go in there. Probably the women were a bit broody...
Thankfully the Kung Flu prevents reoccurences of unwanted child parading in a work environment
 
I don't think anybody in the rest of the UK would have understood that either.
You are probably correct, its a local dialect thing, although, that pile of pony "Eastenders, might have educated the rest of the UK, into the secretive vocabulary of cockney rhyming slang. (Pony& Trap=crap)......be lucky..(don't get caught!)
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
"Happy Hiroshima Day! - fun fact, apparently the flash from an atomic bomb detonating is so bright, that even to this day, the Japanese still squint" - got a fairly cold reception....

At one of the pointless team meetings after someone being told there is no 'I' in team "but there is in time, and this is a waste of it" that one pretty much divided the room.

Someone brought a young child into work to be given lots of attention, seriously disrupting everything, the child was thrust at me in expectation of my 'wanting to hold it' (no chance, I didn't even know the person holding it as they'd gone on leave before I started) I recoiled a bit, then turned my head slightly and furrowed my brow before saying "Has it got a touch of Downs?" Turns out it was just a slightly lazy eye.....
Well at least the child-meeting 'party' ended at that point as the parent took it away sharpish and things got back to normal, well, normal-ish, it seemed very quiet in the office every time I had to go in there. Probably the women were a bit broody...
Thankfully the Kung Flu prevents reoccurences of unwanted child parading in a work environment
 

Latest Threads

Top