what makes a shag a really sh1t shag?

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by SkyMistress, Aug 30, 2006.

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  1. After many conversations with the girls about various crap shags we have had it became apparent that some of us girlies are probably quite shoite in the sack too.

    So where better to ask what we are doing wrong or right than the naafi. Obviously i expect nothing less than your usual filth but truethful answers would be of great benefit to us all.

    My crapest shag was with someone who pulled the stupidest porn star face whilst doing the John Holmes stir. A kind of grind / wiggle thing which probably would have been fine if he had a 14" c0ck but as he didnt he just looked like a twa t. When i think of him now its the first thing that comes into my head and it makes me want to puke.

    So boys and girls what makes a crap shag and what makes the best ones??
     
  2. When the bitch screams as soon as you take the knife away from her throat.
     
  3. Women doing the starfish as they expect the men to the work - Bad
     
  4. Have you recently been told that you're crap then Trolly?

    I'll tell you what, for only a small fee, you can practice with me. I'll get you up to 'match standard' in no time. :D
     
  5. Trolly, research says that you only need 200 people to conduct an accurate survey. Surely it would have been quicker to ask your ex's?
     
  6. when they wont stop crying and begging you to take the stanly from there throat
     
  7. i would but it seems i was so shit that none of them will speak to me.
     
  8. When you get back from six months deployed ops and your other half has gone from a 10 to a 14.
     
  9. Humping a fat bird.

    Not very pc I know, but the Primula type cheese under their tits is revolting. It's not even if they can be athletic in bed to make up for the moon beast appearance!

    Fat lard noshers are good comedy value though, especially when you nick an armfull of DVDs from their council flats and do a runner (or walk) post shag. It's car crash TV watching them trying to catch you up, spilling fat folds of Ginsters in the proccess.

    Ladies, if you are on the obese side, take a handfull of paracetemol washed down with a pint of meths.
     
  10. being gang raped in the showers would, in I'm humble opinon constitute a sh1t shag
     
  11. come an see me and if i am cr@p first time tell me. an the next time will be the best you have ever had pm me for more details.
    yours freedomofspeech x
     
  12. when the you go to wipe your willy on the curtain and see that others have been there before you and left their mark
     
  13. When you catch a dose
     
  14. Ooo Ooo Ooo. When she rings you up saying she is late after 30 days of assumed no more contact. Having to knee her in the gut can get repetative and be seen as illegal
     
  15. I may not have the required level of experience to answer as i married very young but i have never had a shite shag, may have been one (deffas) but never had one, ive had ok ones and not to bad ones but never a shite one. they've all been grreeeeeeeaaaaaaaat!