i was posted to the Queens Regt as a new crafty a while back and had missed the flight the day before due to crap admin. I arrived in Gutersloh and caught the bus to Minden, was dropped off at the front gates and left to it. The guardroom got a rep from the LAD,he came and grabbed me and I dropped my kit off before being told it was 5-a-side in the gym before drinks in the LAD bar,(sadly a thing of the past in most LAD's now). I played and got to know one or two lads, then it was back to the accommodation to get changed then sesh on. I was 19 and thought I could handle myself in the bar......well.... There was a screws mess meeting that night so it was mainly crafties in the bar and the lads said that I had to keep up with them, what they were doing was taking it in turns to race me for bottles of Grolsch, the big german ones, and after 4 I was feeling slightly worse for wear. One of the lads bought me a half pint of Jagermeister and I tasted it and thought that it was like Benilyn and downed it straight away. They got me another and I downed that too. Things begin to get hazy here on in, but here goes. The screws mess meeting had finished now and i'm getting loud. One of the lads pats me on the shoulder and says "what do you think of him?"(a lad in a suit at the end of the bar) "go and tell him what you think of him" I wandered over to him and told him that he was a big eared freak with a shit suit on. The barman had been signalled by now to get me to bad asap as I was upsetting people. The lad who i had been nominated to share a room with grabs me and frog marches me outside to take me back to the room.(in an arm lock). i wrestled my way out from him, bit him on the arm, called him a 'Russian Spy(?)' and I was now running loose around the camp screaming that everyone had it in for me. eventually a big lad grabbed me and put me to bed. i wouldn't stay there so they dragged me to the guardroom for my safety, i had carpet burns on my forehead. when i got to the guardroom i swung for the duty officer, the biggest RP in the world a lancejack called Daz grabbed me and frogmarched me around the back of the guardroom, and thrust me up against a wall, shoved a fire extinguisher up my nostril and let rip. I very quickly came round to his way of thinking. the next morning i awoke in a totally alien environment, nothing like I'd awoken anywhere before. A cell. I moved one inch, and that was enough to tell me that I would get a bill for this mattress. I had let go from everywhere and was a mess. I got up to turn the light on in the cell, pressed the switch,only for a loud buzz to go off. the cell door hatch flung open and the RP says "what the fuck do you want?" "er....i'm sorry, i don't know where i am.." the door flung open, i meekishly crept out of the cell in my full underwear to grab my clothes, which were soaking, and got dressed. "i can't find my wallet" "it's here in the safe" he handed it to me "there's 700DM missing from it" "no there isn't" he said, looking at me to suggest my night in nick had just cost me 700DM, the thieving twat I left the guardroom, with a rep from the LAD and went to bed for the next 36 hrs, interupted with people opening the room door, pointing at me, laughing then leaving. Monday morning parade, everyone's fell in and i'm dreading it, totally alone in a world of pain. Inspection goes ahead, i'm picked up for not having a stable belt,fair one. Before fall out is given, the tiff says to me that the ASM wants to see me straight away. We're fell out, and this guy wanders over to me, a fullscrew. "Oi you, I want a word" "Hnuh?" "get your fucking feet together" oh shit i thinking, what is occuring here? "you ever embarress me in front of my wife and the LAD again and i will ruin you" (or words to that effect) I was told afterwards that the guy with a shit suit on was in fact a psycho and i had gotten off lightly. I went in to see the ASM and he told me that I had had quite an adventurous weekend by all accounts. I made my apologies, he gave me 5 extras for missing the flight and told me to get out of his sight.Nice one!! I was ridiculed until the regiment disbanded, but then again, nights like these only happen perhaps once in a blue moon. The next time I drank like that it was endex on Saltau and I woke up in Hohne Med Centre with concussion. feckin booze...... anyone else?