What is the most inappropriate Christmas gift you could give?

#81
Gold, frankincense or myrrh.
 
#82
Cnuts at work have organised a Secret Santa. I have pulled one for a twat who is always going into sulks and tantrums. Dummy and Rattle should do it.
I told my coworker I want to get a particular long winded luser at another branch a genuine soap box. They didn't quite get the gag

1500669168752.jpg
 
#88
#89
A slap at the back of the forehead for my middle son's wife, the gormless bint that she is. Every time I see her she says I've said or done something wrong. Every fucking time. The latest is that she's inferred that I'm a paedo when my son was putting the 3 year old grandson's pyjama's on and I said, "Ooo, that little bum wants a spank", in a lighthearted, joking manner. The fact that her dad, (now dead, fortunately for him, because if I'd met the cunt "words" would have been exchanged), abused her when she was a teenager means she apparently sees all men of that generation as wrong 'uns. Seething? Moi?

Think I'll limit myself to "Hello" and "Goodbye" in her company in future. Not that she'll get the message, the self-absorbed bitch.

Edit: Fuck me rigid. I've kissed my grandson night-night wrong. He came up to me and our lips touched. "Oh, we don't do that now, we do kisses on the cheeks in case we pass on cold sores." It's a fucking miracle our three kids have managed to survive to adulthood with such a reckless father as I. Anyone got a spare claw hammer?
 
Last edited:
#95
My little sister,(I love her to bits) Always sends a toy for my dog that is way too big. She has never seen him in real life so i should let her off really.
 
#96
Don't know if it belongs here or on the 'Going straight to Hell' thread, but could I politely suggest a couple of lifelike prostheses, one for that bird on the dancing programme and another for the one who waves her stump at the BBC weather map, even if it might hinder their virtue signalling by being able to point accurately.

OZ
 
#99
A slap at the back of the forehead for my middle son's wife, the gormless bint that she is. Every time I see her she says I've said or done something wrong. Every ******* time. The latest is that she's inferred that I'm a paedo when my son was putting the 3 year old grandson's pyjama's on and I said, "Ooo, that little bum wants a spank", in a lighthearted, joking manner. The fact that her dad, (now dead, fortunately for him, because if I'd met the **** "words" would have been exchanged), abused her when she was a teenager means she apparently sees all men of that generation as wrong 'uns. Seething? Moi?

Think I'll limit myself to "Hello" and "Goodbye" in her company in future. Not that she'll get the message, the self-absorbed bitch.

Edit: **** me rigid. I've kissed my grandson night-night wrong. He came up to me and our lips touched. "Oh, we don't do that now, we do kisses on the cheeks in case we pass on cold sores." It's a ******* miracle our three kids have managed to survive to adulthood with such a reckless father as I. Anyone got a spare claw hammer?
I have a lump hammer and sledge hammer in t'shed, and even if I am of her generation (probably) I will help you as I hate the arrogance of 'We know better'
 

Similar threads


New Posts

Latest Threads

Top